


Growth and Rebirth

by Birdie (Robin_Mask)



Series: Surprises and Starts [5]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Arguing, Bisexuality, Break Up, Cancer, Character Death, F/M, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s), Loss of Virginity, M/M, Male Slash, Mpreg, Panic Attacks, Parent-Child Relationship, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-24 23:23:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 56,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3788152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robin_Mask/pseuds/Birdie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benjamin loved Normie. </p><p>He knew that their relationship could work, but his parents did not.</p><p>It was unfortunate that something lingered after their break-up, something beyond hurt feelings. He was pregnant. There was no way to tell Normie, but no way to keep it secret. </p><p>Benjamin didn't want to raise the child alone, but . . . </p><p>How could he tell Normie the truth?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is the final part to the series. It will be twelve chapters in total.
> 
> The third chapter will have sexual content.

# Growth and Rebirth  
Chapter One

Benjamin leaned against the door . . .

It felt like there was a heavy weight on his shoulders. True, it was probably just guilt and nervousness, but it felt so _real_ , like the way May used to throw her arms around him as a kid and how he would drag her about the room. It was heavy and it hurt, and – even when he rubbed and massaged his neck – he could still feel that heavy ache to his muscles that made him just want to sink into a hot bath. He looked with a sad smile to Normie, who just smirked back with a half-mocking and half-sincere expression.

The porch felt oddly intimate with just the two of them, which was made all the more intense by how Benjamin felt his heart begin to race with nerves and his mouth run dry, and soon he even felt a blush at the way Normie looked at him. He _still_ couldn’t get used to their relationship. It felt kind of . . . weird. He never really had a friend that he could trust so completely, not to mention that they saw each other at their most intimate, and every time Normie _looked_ at him so intensely -! Benjamin sighed. It was as if Normie was _seeing_ something that Benjamin _couldn’t_ , like he was looking into his soul or thinking back to some memory of their time together . . . he felt a little _exposed_.

There was a slight breeze about, which ruffled Benjamin’s hair and cooled his cheeks, before he looked up to see that Normie stepped just a little closer. It was enough to make Benjamin look away awkwardly with a pout, _certain_ that his boyfriend was teasing him at this point, but there was a noise from the door behind him and he wondered whether _this_ would be how his parents found out . . . with Normie invading his personal space on their porch. It was then that Normie reached out to stroke his cheek, whilst his right hand came to rest low on Benjamin’s hip, and he leaned in close enough that they could almost kiss.

“Would you rather tell them alone?”

Benjamin drew in a broken breath. He looked down briefly, before he raised his hands from the wood of the door – where they rested almost without his knowing – and brought them up to grip onto Normie’s overcoat. It took him a moment to look up and smile, even as he felt his eyes water involuntarily with nervousness, and he tried to remind himself that Normie was his rock as much as he was Normie’s. Still, Wade _loathed_ Normie . . . this probably wasn’t going to go well, no matter how he told them.

“I – I think it’s best you’re with me,” he said.

“Emotional support?” Normie asked. “I believe I can do that.”

“W-well, that, plus it – it might look weird else. I – I mean – I just -!” Benjamin rested his head on Normie’s shoulder. “I don’t want Pops thinking you don’t care enough to be face the music with me, or that I’m being pressured into telling or – or – or something!”

“How adorable. You act so nervous for an eighteen year old.”

“How expected. You’re a douche.”

Normie gave a silent laugh, which caused his shoulders to shake. It was enough to make Benjamin lift his head to look at him, where he saw the familiar smile and eyes somewhat dilated, and he loved the blue that he saw in the irises. They looked at each other for a long moment. Suddenly, he felt his feelings change and the nervousness abate, and he found himself leaning close to Normie, as he sought for a kiss that he knew Normie would have no compunctions about giving. Their lips almost touched and he could feel his warm breath.

It was then the door gave way.

They stumbled through it, even as Normie grabbed him by the waist. It stopped him falling backwards, which was a relief, but he would have preferred landing on his butt than to be caught in a rather compromising position. He regained his balance and quickly let himself into the house, where he stood by the door with a blush, and he raised his hand to his mouth as if he could somehow hide the evidence of what they were about to do, as well as had done many times in the past few weeks. Normie walked inside as the door closed.

Luckily, it wasn’t his dad that caught them. Wes – May’s boyfriend – stood there with a somewhat confused and fearful expression, and Benjamin groaned in further embarrassment, even as he heard Normie give a barely contained laugh. It was rare to actually hear his boyfriend laugh aloud, but clearly he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Wes coughed nervously and looked between the two of them. He was dressed all in black, save for a red jacket that May gave him, as well as a silver locket, and – as Benjamin looked at him – he was reminded a little of ‘Ross’ from an old sitcom about friends or something, which his dad sometimes watched. Benjamin liked the guy, but he wished he hadn’t _caught_ them about to –

“Wade told me to see who was at the door?” Wes said.

“Are you asking us or telling us?” Normie countered. “You sound unsure.”

“Don’t tease him,” muttered Benjamin. “He’s a good kid. He won’t know that you’re just trying to wind him up . . . hell, I’m _dating_ you and even I sometimes can’t tell when you’re joking or serious. Er, hey, Wes. Sorry about that . . . we were just – ah – talking.”

“Oh, yes, _talking_. I’m sure he’s every bit as naïve as he looks.”

“Seriously? You’re such a douche, Normie!”

Wes coughed into his hand, before he ran a hand through his black hair. He wore his hair shorter than Benjamin, but in a similar style, whilst his brown eyes reminded Benjamin of their dad in some lights. It wasn’t that he was unattractive, but – to Benjamin – he just sort of screamed _average_ and dressed in a kind of ‘geek-chic’, and he was such the polar opposite of May’s usual type, but that seemed to work to his advantage. They actually made a _really_ good couple. Benjamin would be the first to admit that high-school romances rarely worked, but he was _fairly_ certain they would work long-term. He almost envied them.

“You okay, Benjamin?” Wes asked.

“I’m fine, thanks,” he replied. “I – er – didn’t expect you here, to be honest. Pops and Dad were only due back from vacation today, so I figured we wouldn’t be expecting guests. Oh! D-don’t let me forget! I checked out that comic of yours? It was fantastic!”

“Really? You’re not just saying that, right? I don’t mind criticism, honestly.”

“Well, I have some constructive criticism, but not much. It was great!”

He saw Wes smile and roll back his shoulders. It always amazed him that the younger teenager could take such pride in his work, but never to the extent of arrogance. He was modest and polite, but wasn’t afraid to accept compliments or show his work to others, and when Benjamin always felt so afraid to show his designs to people . . . he almost wished that he could be more like Wes. They were both artists, but of very a different ilk. He reached out to pat Wes on the shoulder and gave him a nervous nod of acknowledgement.

“You – you thinking of publishing?” Benjamin asked.

“Yeah, but not today,” Wes laughed. “Seriously, you might want to tell them whilst they’re still in a good mood. That’s what you’re here for, right? May might have let slip to me earlier on, but you guys have my support. I guess this is where I say: good luck.”

“Thanks, we’re going to need it.”

Benjamin watched as Wes turned to go into the living room, before taking a right into the open kitchen, and – with a staggered breath – he made to follow. It was strange to think that he walked this path thousands of times growing up, but only now did it feel like the short walk was turned into a long march. He looked briefly behind him to see whether Normie followed, where he saw him keep a few steps back, and Benjamin kept his head down and tried not to blush too much. It was hard to keep calm.

There was an almost picturesque scene within the kitchen, as he saw his family. May sat on one end of the table and flicked through photographs on a tablet, as Peter sat next to her and explained each one and what order they should follow, and Wes stood by the refrigerator with Wade and laughed nervously at some anecdote that his dad told. It was clear that Wes was a little intimidated, which was understandable when Wade had acted _very_ coldly for the first month or so that his daughter dated Wes, but then – after learning that Wes was beat up by Gene, after delivering a punch that was in May’s honour – he _really_ warmed up to Wes.

They looked so – so . . . _happy_. Benjamin didn’t want to intrude.

Wade stood with face uncovered and in casual clothing, with Peter in shirt and trousers, but there was a slight tan to his father’s skin that made him seem more alive and less sickly, which was something that he seemed a lot as of late. May looked beautiful as ever, with her brown hair now grown out from a phase of shortness, and Wes seemed confident enough and occasionally cast worried glances to Benjamin, even as he talked about his idea for a ‘Spider-Girl’ comic with Wade. They seemed like an ordinary family, as if no hardships had befallen them at all, and Benjamin didn’t want to be the one to _ruin_ that. He drew in a heavy breath and ran a hand through his hair, before he gave a nervous cough.

It was then that his parents turned to look upon him. Peter’s smile brightened for a second, until he caught sight of Normie who stepped beside him, and suddenly his happiness at seeing his son faded away. Unfortunately, it was then that Wade – unnaturally attuned to Peter’s expressions and body language – jumped visibly and lurched forward, until he looked left and saw the two boys standing in the archway, next to the ‘hole in the wall’ as Wade dubbed the mostly open space next to it. He looked angry . . . no . . . he looked _furious_.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Wade snapped.

“Dad, just – just calm down, o-okay?” Benjamin raised his hands to placate him. “I – I asked Normie to come, because . . . because we – er – wanted to tell you guys something. P-please? I – I mean . . . could you . . . calm down so we can talk?”

“I won’t fucking calm down, Benji! This bastard fucking _beat_ you, but you think you can invite him into our house? I promised to fucking kill him, if you ever saw him again, and I bloody _meant_ it. No one touches a hair on my kids’ heads and gets away with it, even if you fucking think that Stockholm Syndrome is healthy and something worth having. Fuck, just standing in the same room as that freak makes me want to shower my skin off!”

“You know what? Fine. Yes, I can probably do a lot better than Normie, but do you know what? I don’t fucking _want_ to do better! We were both in a bad place, okay? We both messed up and we both made mistakes, but I -! I didn’t just forgive Normie for no reason, all right? He – he’s seen a therapist and he’s changed and he’s –”

“People don’t fucking change, Benji! They just don’t!”

“Well . . . you did, didn’t you?”

Benjamin hugged himself tightly, as he hoped that he didn’t sound too disrespectful, but the only sounds were that of May laughing quietly to herself and Peter drawing in a hiss of breath, whilst Wade’s expression turned very dark and very quickly. It was always a little frightening to see his dad so livid, especially when he often failed to tell friend from foe in his darker rages, and – last time – Benjamin had been accidentally stabbed when Wade tried to kill Normie. He looked up and tried to smile as kindly as he could.

It only made Wade’s expression soften for a second, before he looked to Normie and let his face turn into a hideous scowl. Peter was on his feet by that point, already moving quickly to his husband’s side and placing a firm hold upon his upper arm, whilst Wes slid into the seat just occupied by Peter and looked nervously to May. May simply shrugged and reached out for a grape in a bowl on the table, where she ate quietly and watched them all, and he knew – without even needing to ask her – that she likely believed everything would be okay, because in her mind there was no reason for it not to go well. Wade and Benjamin were incredibly close, but that didn’t mean he could win his dad over so easily.

“I didn’t change that much, kid,” said Wade.

“You – you changed enough, right? You’re – you’re my dad and I love you, but you did bad things once and you hurt people, too, but now . . . now you’re the guy that sang me to sleep and tells me jokes and dreams of a bright future. Why can’t Normie change, too?”

“I didn’t mess up like _he_ did,” spat Wade.

Normie let out sound almost like a sigh. It caused Benjamin to turn his head just slightly, where he could see that the smile on Normie’s lips was somewhat softened . . . there was a shimmer to his eyes, as well as a tightness to the muscles of his face, and it was obvious that he was hurt by those words. It was something that maybe only Benjamin noticed, somewhat accustomed to the subtle nuances of his boyfriend, but he felt his heart sink at the fact Normie could still feel such guilt and shame about his actions. He looked down sadly.

“Look, he’s a good guy now, okay?”

“I’m sure you think that,” said Peter, as he tried to calm Wade. “Just you’re still _young_ , Benjamin, and it’s great that you’ve tried to befriend Normie, but you _can’t_ be friends with someone that you can’t _trust_ , and you can’t trust someone that’s _hurt_ you.”

“Okay, fine,” snapped Benjamin. “How about the fact he’s researching cures for illnesses, for cancers . . . for _your_ cancer? He – he was _suffering_ , and I know – _I know_ – it doesn’t excuse his actions, but he was just trying to stop his pain the only way he knew how, and -! He’s actually pretty cool when you get to know him, even if he can be a complete dick at times and – and – and _I don’t know_! How can you fucking _judge_ him when you don’t _know_ him?”

“I’m not judging him, Benjamin! I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, but simply that I don’t _trust_ him with you. How can any of us trust him? He may have been depressed, maybe he was seeking to provoke May so he could find death, but . . . violence isn’t something you can turn on or off; it’s something _inbuilt_ in a person. I _fought_ guys like that on a daily basis, and almost all of them came back to try and do _more_ damage or hurt _more_ people, and – yeah – some change, but it’s not the kind of change you think . . . it’s more like a suppression.

“I love your dad dearly,” continued Peter. “I trust him with my life, but I -! I know that Wade suffered a lot, which is a pain he’ll _always_ carry with him, and that pain won’t ever go away, no matter how much I love him. He’s still capable of _killing_ a person. He would have killed Normie that night and we both know it’s true . . . Normie beat you once, but he can beat you again, and I – I can’t sit by and _watch_ that, Benjamin! I can’t.”

“See, Petey fucking agrees!” Wade shouted. “I ain’t going to stand by either, so you get that shit-stain out of my house or I’ll fucking remove him myself! Why the fuck did you bring him in here, anyway? What can you bloody get from a guy like him?”

“Love? Support? Loyalty?” Benjamin sighed. “He’s not –”

“Trustworthy? Yeah, I know!”

Benjamin winced and held onto himself tighter. He felt bruises begin to form with the force of his hold upon his arm, but he knew they would fade as soon as they appeared. It – it _hurt_ to have no one _listen_ to him! He just wanted to _tell_ them his side of things, maybe have them _understand_ his feelings in turn, but they couldn’t even let him finish what he was saying, and maybe that was understandable in a way . . . he could understand that they were worried, but he could look after himself. It was like they still saw him as a _child_.

He looked to Normie and saw his boyfriend nod very subtly, so that the gesture could easily have been missed by anyone else, and he felt a little spark of hope ignite from within, even as he wanted to cry or scream. It was the same feeling that came before so many self-destructive moments in his life, and – were he alone – he would have turned to Normie or called Normie for help, in the way that they promised each other to do when one was in pain, but he couldn’t do that here. He couldn’t even reach out to hold his hand or touch his arm, at least not yet, and he felt the tears slowly begin to form, even as he fought them back.

“We’re _dating_ , Pops,” he said.

The silence that followed was unnerving. It was enough to make Benjamin look up and see that Wade was stark white, so much so that he looked incredibly unnatural. There was a horrible sense of dread that Benjamin felt, which left him drawing in shallow and heavy breaths, as he tried to calm himself and not let a tear fall. He loved his family, but he loved _Normie_ , too, and he didn’t want to sacrifice one for the other, but he also couldn’t be the _cause_ of conflict and pain . . . he wanted everyone to be happy. He – he couldn’t hurt them.

“There’s no fucking _way_ you’re dating him,” said Wade coldly.

“W-we didn’t – we didn’t want you to find out this way,” stuttered Benjamin. “I – I’ve been sneaking out for the past three months to see Normie, but we – we only s-started to date this past month and a half! The – the press got a hold of some photos of us and –”

“This is going to be in the papers?” Peter asked. “ _That’s_ why you’re telling us?”

It was then that May jumped to her feet and began tugging at Wes, who shot him a sympathetic look and waved his hand in a vague way of reassurance. Benjamin wondered whether this was karmic retribution, as he remembered leaving the house when Peter yelled at May for her work as Spider-Girl, and he couldn’t blame her for wanting to leave. Hell, _he_ wanted to leave, as he already felt so cornered and so frightened, and Normie so far had yet to say a word, but what could he say? They wouldn’t want to hear it . . .

“Wes and I are heading out! See you later!” May chirped.

She practically ran out of the front door. It left the four men in a rather uncomfortable position, with Wade barely constrained by Peter, who was – so far – holding him back with only a firm touch and a few whispered words, and Normie merely gave something of a sigh as he stepped to stand beside Benjamin. He could almost sense his boyfriend analysing the situation, as if trying to work out what was the best course of action and how to proceed, and Benjamin bit his lip to try and ground himself, although he knew he couldn’t control himself as well as Normie could. He continued to look down, as he tried to breathe slowly.

“If they weren’t publishing the pictures,” asked Peter, “would you have told us?”

“D-don’t, Dad,” said Benjamin. “I would have told you guys eventually, b-but -! It’s just -! This is _new_ for us, okay? I – I mean it’s not so new for Normie, because he’s twenty and dated people before, but me -? I never even so much as had a real _friend_ before, let alone a boyfriend! You can use that to call me naïve or whatever, but I wanted to take things _slowly_ , so I – I could tell you about it when I was _ready_. That’s all.”

“Sure you weren’t just scared?” Wade asked. “You fucking _know_ we wouldn’t approve, Benji! You knew and you kept it secret! What? You thought if we didn’t know, it wouldn’t matter that you’re fucking some guy with a fetish for pain and beating his boyfriend? How do we know _he_ didn’t leak the photos to _force_ you to tell us?”

“How about because you fucking _trust_ me? You raised me, Pops! You taught me to be a good person and that I can turn to you for anything; so – _trust me_ – if I were being played that way, I’d _tell_ you in an instant! I – I’m not some kid! I wouldn’t _fall_ for a guy like that, either!”

“So what are you after? Approval?”

“Yes!”

Benjamin raised a hand to his mouth. He hadn’t meant to scream the word so strongly, but now it was out there and so was his emotion . . . he looked to Wade with wide eyes and felt the colour drain from his face. It wasn’t that he feared his dad’s reaction, but he _respected_ Wade too much to disrespect him by screaming in that way! He didn’t want Wade to think that he didn’t love him or didn’t care for his opinion, because he _did_ , but he just wanted them to _accept_ him and his choices! They accepted Wes, why couldn’t they accept Normie?

It was then that he let his hand fall, before he saw Normie move to touch his arm, perhaps to reassure him or perhaps just to remind him that he wasn’t alone, but he raised a hand to signal Normie to be still, afraid that Wade would react badly to the sight of their intimacy. He instead fell back against the archway and looked to his father for some support, but Peter looked so _offended_ that Benjamin only turned to him out of necessity and not trust . . . it felt like he couldn’t do right for wrong. Did – did they just look for reasons to be disappointed in him? No, they had a point. Normie had treated him badly, but couldn’t people _change_?

“I just want your approval,” said Benjamin.

“Well, you won’t fucking get it from me,” Wade snapped.

Benjamin felt his heart sink. He let his shoulders slump and his head drop, as he looked awkwardly at the floor, where he saw Normie’s feet turned to him and Wade’s legs fidgeting where he stood. The sheer _fury_ that Wade felt was almost palpable, so that he could see that his dad was _barely_ controlling himself and holding back from violence, and he _wanted_ to blame his dad, but . . . surely it was better to be loved too much than too little? Still, if they loved him, why couldn’t they treat him like the adult he was, not as the child they remembered him? He felt his eyes begin to water, as he tried to fight back tears. It forced him to close his eyes and he raised his head for a deep breath, as he tried to stay calm.

It was when he opened his eyes that he saw Peter leaning against the table, with a look of absolute sadness on his face, as if he were watching his world fall apart before him, and – were Benjamin honest – he could understand that feeling. Gene treated May like dirt; he spread rumours, cheated on her, he created a smear campaign against her . . . Benjamin broke his nose initially, whilst Wes later punched him in his face. They both knew that May didn’t _need_ protecting, but love wasn’t rational . . . the urge to _protect_ someone was strong, stronger than anything else. Could Gene change? Probably. Benjamin would still hate him.

“Will you just tell me _why_?” Benjamin pleaded.

“Would you forgive me, if I punched Petey?” Wade asked. “What if I just socked him one, right now, then left him all bruised and battered? You’d be pissed, right? I bet you wouldn’t ever want to see me again. You’d feel sick. _That’s how I fucking feel_! I look at that shit and I feel _sick_ , because all I see is the bastard that hurt my son! You know what? It doesn’t matter what someone says, because – once they hit you the first time – you _always_ fear that second hit, even if you trust them enough that it’ll never come. It stains the relationship!”

“Well, that’s _my_ choice to make! I – I don’t know what you’ve been through in life, and honestly . . . I don’t _need_ to know, Pops! I can’t imagine the kind of pain you’ve been through, but the thing is that’s _your_ life and this is _mine_. If I make the same mistakes, they’ll be _my_ mistakes to make, but . . . don’t you trust me? You – you went through all that shit so _I_ wouldn’t have to, so you could _teach_ me what between right and wrong.”

“Yeah, and _he’s_ what’s fucking wrong here!” Wade pointed an accusing finger at Normie. “If you stay with him, I swear – _I fucking swear_ – I’ll bar up the windows and beat the living shit out of him, because _no one_ messes with my boy! I’ll kill him!”

“Fine, you do that! I’ll move out! I’m eighteen, Pops!”

The threat hung heavy in the air. He knew it was an empty threat, as he had nowhere to go except Normie’s, and they both agreed that it was _way_ too soon to move in together, but . . . _Wade_ didn’t need to know that. He just felt so – so _angry_! He tried to control his breathing, much in the way that Peter and Bruce taught him, but a part of him just wanted to scream or cry or run away, and he wanted Wade to _understand_ , but Wade -! He looked so _hurt_ , so _afraid_ that he might lose his son, and -! _Shit_! That was Wade’s worst fear: losing his family.

“Everyone, just calm down,” snapped Peter.

It made Benjamin wince to hear those words, especially when he knew that nothing would come out of anger except more anger . . . Wade’s heart was in the right place, which was the main thing, but it just felt as if there were getting _nowhere_! Peter rubbed the bridge of his nose, when Benjamin noticed that his clothes seemed a little too big for him, and not in the purposely done way of Benjamin or Wade. No, Peter had lost weight. It left Benjamin feeling a huge wave of guilt, because his father was sick and here he was causing stress for him, and Normie knew about Peter’s sickness too, so the last thing he wanted was for his boyfriend to feel that same guilt . . . Benjamin drew in a deep breath. He needed to stay _calm_.

“Benjamin, you need to think about this,” said Peter.

“I have thought about it! I’m not an -!” Benjamin paused to breathe. “I know that Normie understands me and that he never judges me, just as I know that when I’m sad he’ll hold me and doesn’t need to say a word to make the pain go away. I know he’s taken time off work to check in on me, just as I know his _stupid_ pranks and comments are just a way of usually trying to be helpful or be funny, and I know -! I know he _loves_ me.”

“Love isn’t always enough, Benjamin,” said Peter sadly. “You need _more_ than love in a relationship, but if you don’t understand that . . . Benjamin, I’m not going to support this either. This is our _family_ home. I’m not going to let you engage in potentially destructive behaviours, or set a bad example to May by –”

“You can’t _stop_ me from seeing -!”

“Benji?”

Normie spoke for the first time since the argument began. Benjamin turned to look at him and felt calmer; the other man looked so in control and confident, dressed in his suit underneath jacket and coat, and he stood with perfect posture and poise. The only thing wrong was the sorrowful expression upon his face, which he schooled into something more impassive when he cast a nod towards Peter and addressed his father when he spoke. It was enough to make Benjamin cross his arms defensively, curious about what was about to be said.

“Could I borrow Benjamin for a moment?” Normie asked.

“Sure,” said Peter calmly. “I understand.”

Benjamin raised an eyebrow in confusion. He looked between his father and Normie, as he tried to read the unspoken words, but the two men seemed to simply know something he didn’t, and – as Normie turned back to Benjamin and gestured to the hall – Peter shot a quick hand out to take a hold of Wade, as he held him back from intervening. It was enough to make Benjamin feel worried, and he couldn’t help but watch his parents over his shoulder, even as he followed Normie back to the front door by the stairs. He felt . . . worried.

They stood in silence for a moment, as Benjamin leaned to one side in the hall to see his parents talking animatedly with one another, with Wade gesticulating wildly and Peter seemingly resigned. Peter _knew_ something. Still, when Benjamin turned and looked to Normie, he felt something akin to peace and smiled, but . . . Normie didn’t smile back. It was enough to make Benjamin’s heart sink in fear, as he felt something heavy and hollow in his chest, which stole his breath and made him feel _lost_. This wasn’t going to go well, whatever it was, and Benjamin couldn’t help other than to reach out and stroke Normie’s cheek, although there was a moment of relief when Normie reached up to hold his hand in turn.

“What’s up?” Benjamin asked.

“I think it’s best we go on a break for a while.”

Benjamin yanked his hand away.

That wasn’t what he expected to hear in the least. He stepped back and fell when his foot struck the stairs, so that he was forced into a sitting position on the stairwell, where he looked up at his boyfriend and saw that Normie was unable to look him in the eye. He – he didn’t want to believe what he just heard, but he knew that he couldn’t remain in denial about something that was so obvious, but still -! They _just_ made the decision to be official! They _just_ decided to tell the world! W-why would – why would Normie change his mind _now_?

“W-what? What do you mean -?”

“I love you,” said Normie sadly. “I just _can’t_ be the one that hurts you. If our relationship is going to come between you and your parents, maybe we need a step back. This is just _temporary_ , until we both can work out what’s best or your parents –”

“Come around?” Benjamin asked mockingly. “What if they don’t? You – you can’t play the martyr like this, Normie! I love you and if you love me -! You wouldn’t -! You can’t _abandon_ me like this! Love is worth fighting for, right? At the very least our _friendship_ is worth fighting for! _Shit!_ You can’t let them get to you! Even if they throw me out, I could -!”

“You don’t get it, Benji. I never had a father, but you have _two_ fathers that love you unconditionally. They know I acted in an inexcusable way; they’re afraid I may hurt you again and I understand their fear. Every day I wonder what could have led me to hurt you in the first place. I’m scared that I could cause you pain again. I’m not worth throwing away your family. This isn’t a break-up, not unless we decide for it to be, but just a break.”

Benjamin stood up on shaky feet, as he tried to fight back tears. It was difficult to speak, because each time he opened his mouth . . . only hideously embarrassing sounds and stutters emerged, until he was forced to swallow continuously to hold back his emotion. Normie still looked away, even as Benjamin grabbed his face by his chin and forced him to look in his direction, as then – _even then –_ he still cast his eyes away. It was then that Benjamin let go as if he were burnt, only to cover his mouth with his hand and shake his head.

“You’re leaving me?”

“I’m giving you _space_ ,” said Normie. “Use this time to work out what you want, because it may well be that your family is most important to you. I wouldn’t hold it against you. You wouldn’t hold it against me, would you? We need to be patient. In your life, your family was all that you ever had to call your own . . . I _envy_ you that. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

“O-okay, but we’re going to _talk_ about this. Okay? We’re going to talk!”

“Of course, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

They finally made eye contact and Benjamin saw the sheer emotion in Normie’s eyes, even if his face didn’t betray a single feeling of pain or regret, those eyes . . . Benjamin gave a sad smile and saw Normie smirk in turn. It was heartbreaking to think that this could be the end of their relationship, but all because Normie was too afraid of coming between Benjamin and his parents! He – he couldn’t hate them, as they loved him, but this -! This was something real and meaningful . . . he loved Normie, but . . . to lose him now . . . over this?

“I’ll sneak out tonight,” said Benjamin. “We can talk then.”

“If you must break a rule, I would understand you breaking that one. Still, that may be our last conversation for a while. We’ve been friends for three months, Benji, but your parents have been your parents for a _lifetime_. Treasure them.”

“You’re such a bastard . . .”

Normie leaned forward to place a hand on the side of Benjamin’s neck, where he stroked lightly along his jawbone with his thumb, and – slowly and gently – he leaned in for one final kiss, where the taste of his lips almost urged Benjamin into tears. It was chaste and filled with love, and – when he pulled away – he was caught between slapping Normie and kissing him again, until Normie laughed silently and placed a small kiss to the tip of his nose, then stepped back towards the front door. He spoke kindly and patiently:

“No, I’m _your_ bastard. Now . . . goodbye.”

Normie opened the door and exited with barely a backwards glance, even as Benjamin stepped forward and caught the door before it could close. He watched as his boyfriend – potentially his ex-boyfriend – walked down the porch and headed to his car, just as he saw May and Wes across the road at Preston’s house, where Ellie and Jeff were apparently grilling the two on what was happening, and he felt a spark of pain on seeing the two couples, both so happy. He closed the door and heard Normie drive away.

It felt so cold all of a sudden. He could feel his heart race almost unnaturally fast, just as he tried to fight back the fact that his boyfriend – his first real friend in life – was now driving away, leaving him to deal with the aftermath of his parents. Sure, they would probably be ten times happier now, as well as relieved that he wasn’t dating someone they so strongly disapproved, but he wasn’t sure he could even _look_ at them right at that moment, even if he loved them so strongly, because the one person he wanted -! He wondered whether all other teenagers went through this, too, but he knew that there was no one else to ask and -!

Peter appeared and looked nearly as heartbroken as Benjamin felt, but he didn’t _want_ to hear lame platitudes or insincere reassurances! There wasn’t anything that Peter could say, no matter how much he looked like he wanted to cry alongside Benjamin, and he couldn’t help but to feel his anger rise along with his pain. He wanted to lash out at someone, but there was no one to lash out _at_ , because everyone – Normie, Wade, Peter – acted out of some bizarre need to protect _him_ , even when he didn’t _need_ protecting! Peter opened his mouth to speak, but Benjamin merely turned to deliver him a harsh glare.

“Don’t! J-just _don’t_!” Benjamin snapped.

He ran to his room and slammed shut the door behind him.

The tears began to fall at once.

 


	2. Chapter Two

# Chapter Two

“Not running away, are you?”

Benjamin looked across to May. It was hard to see her through the tears, but he kept his gaze firm and tried to remain calm. He could tell that his eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, just as his nose was probably red from the sniffing and rubbing, but it was hard to feel embarrassed in front of her. They trusted each other and grew up together, and he knew that she wouldn’t judge him for simply being upset, but still . . . a part of him was glad that she had given him time before coming into his room. He didn’t want her to see him at his worst.

There was a big difference between her leaning against his bedroom door, with a somewhat sad smile and attempting to comfort him, and her actually seeing him choking on his tears and curled up on his bed. He clenched his hands into fists. The shirt in his grip rustled and creased, but he just turned his gaze away from her and shoved the shirt into his bag with a violent gesture. It was hard to hold back another sniff, as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand, before he grabbed a few more items to throw into the bag. Eventually, he stood upright and threw the bag onto his bed, before he drew in a broken breath and blinked away a few more tears. The frustration was barely contained, as he strove to remain calm.

“It’s just an overnight bag,” he snapped.

“There’s no way they’re going to let you out!”

“Well, they don’t get much choice in the matter. Do they?”

Benjamin ran a hand over his face with a sigh. He felt it shake with a perceptible tremor, even as he tried to steady himself, and he closed his eyes tightly for a brief second. The dressmaker’s dummy beside him still held a half-finished creation, whilst his closet doors were open to sheer chaos, and there were half-read books on his bedside table . . . his entire room felt incomplete, as if filled with unfinished chores and projects, but that never bothered him with Normie in his life. _Normie made him feel complete._

There was never a time during their friendship where he felt judged or condescended to, because Normie treated him as an equal and even helped him in his studies, and Normie _understood_ the pain that he felt and the fears he experienced. It never mattered when Benjamin felt too depressed to move, or lost himself for hours straight in creating his latest project, because _Normie would be there_ and he would simply wait patiently, ready with that smirk of his when Benjamin felt ready to talk or move or laugh again. There wasn’t any pressure. There weren’t any expectations. He just had to be _himself_.

Now . . . he felt _lost_ and _alone._

He reopened his eyes and looked to May, where he saw his sister looking genuinely worried, even as she tried to smile at him. It made him smile slightly to see that she’d changed into a red _Avengers_ t-shirt that he designed, with a long-sleeved black top underneath that was given to her by Wes, and yet she made it her own with the mini-skirt and sneakers. He loved how eclectic she could be, but – more than that – he loved that she wore his design on purpose, as if to remind him that she appreciated him. He loved her for that kind act.

“Mayday, I -! I just need to get _out_ of here.”

“Yeah, but Dad said you guys broke up,” said May. “Where are you going to go? Plus, it might be a _way_ better idea to sort things out with Pops and Dad first, you know? Pops is working out insanely in the basement, whilst Dad’s hasn’t moved from the table!”

“How is that _my_ responsibility, May? They didn’t listen to me, why should I listen to them?” Benjamin buried his hand into his hair. “ _Fuck!_ I – he – he said -! It _isn’t_ a break-up, okay? _It just isn’t_! Normie just wants us to go on a break for a while, so I can . . . so I can sort things out with Dad and Pops.” It was difficult to hold back the tears. “I know, I know! I – I should – I should talk to them and sort this out, but I – I can’t just _leave_ things between us -!”

Benjamin let out a groan of frustration that soon became something close to a scream, as he turned and dropped onto the bed, before he sat up and buried his head into his hands and struggled to swallow back his emotions. May gave a soft sigh and sat on the edge of the bed in turn, next to him at the foot, but – unlike Wade or Ellie, that would likely have reached out to touch him – she just sat and let him have his moment to regain control over himself. He wanted to cry or scream or rave, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. He felt numb.

“I can’t stand the idea of this being a break-up,” whispered Benjamin. “I – I can’t! I know he says it’s not forever, but what if it is? I – I don’t think – I don’t think I can go back to being just friends after that, not when . . . _we’ve shared so much!_ I _love_ our parents, May, but they’ll still be here tomorrow! How – how do I know that _Normie_ will be? I just need to get out for one night to talk to him properly. See where we stand and where we’re going.”

“Closure, right? Heck, I can get that,” said May kindly. “Still, I thought love was all about trust and stuff? If you love Normie, he won’t just leave you because of one night! He _wanted_ you to make things right with Dad and Pops, because he _knows_ how important they are to you, shouldn’t you . . . I don’t know . . . respect that?”

“I _do_ respect that. I do! May -! May, what difference will one night make? Everyone is so angry and upset -! They’ll go bed without a word, probably expect to talk to me about it over breakfast, and I’ll – I’ll be _back_ by then. They won’t even notice me missing!”

“What if they _do_ notice you missing? It’ll just –!”

“I’m _eighteen_. They need to get that!”

He dropped his hands down between his legs, whilst he looked up at the ceiling with a sigh, and – as he looked – he caught a brief glimpse of the window to his left, where Normie used to sit and watch and -! _Fuck_. He – he could _understand_ why his parents were freaked out, because Normie’s behaviour broke so many laws and was completely unethical, but they _forgot_ that Benjamin was an _adult_ now and – more than that – it was _so_ hypocritical of Wade, especially when -! Okay, Benjamin would be the first to admit that he never really considered how frustrated May felt to be lectured by Peter, when they knew that he once did the same job as she did and at the same age, but now -? Now he _knew_ how angry she must have felt.

Wade used to _kill_ people for a living, not to mention that Peter couldn’t _stand_ Wade at first according to what Tony said, and yet they _still_ grew to fall in love . . . Wade still became a hero and a good father . . . they _changed_. Why – why couldn’t Normie change, too? It was enough to make Benjamin want to cry again, as it seemed _unjust_ , but maybe Wade just knew that kind of person better than Benjamin did, but then why couldn’t he just _discuss_ his concerns instead of -? Benjamin sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Normie is a good guy at heart, May, I swear!”

“I guess he’s kind of cool,” said May. “I mean, it’s not like you let me meet the guy all that often, but I guess he has a good side to him. I’d have probably given him a second-chance in your situation, too! You know . . . I actually had a crush on him for a while?”

Benjamin burst out into laughter, before he felt a huge rush of guilt at feeling something close to happiness . . . his parents were making Normie out to be a villain, effectively forbidding his relationship, but here he was _laughing_ with May, almost as if they were just hanging out and talking with each other. He turned to look at her, as she turned her head to look at him in return, and he realised – seeing the sympathy and warmth in her face – that she was at least on his side . . . well, that or impartial, which was still _something_.

“Seriously?” Benjamin teased. “ _You_ had a crush on _my_ boyfriend?”

“Hey, get over yourself! It was for like a _day_ at the most! Anyway, I’m just _saying_ that I don’t think he’s some irredeemable jerk . . . of course, I did think _Gene_ was a good guy at heart, so I could be wrong!” May laughed as Benjamin glared at her. “Just saying!”

“Yeah, well, _don’t_ just say! I – I can’t _deal_ with this, May, I just can’t! I’ve finally started to feel _good_ about myself and I -! I’m not saying I’m totally better, because I still have a long way to go, but I’m . . . I’m getting there. I’m starting to feel comfortable in myself, I’m starting to feel _happy_ , and I don’t – I don’t want to _depend_ on Normie for that feeling, because I know that’s not healthy either and I -! _Fuck, this is hard_! I just know that I really have feelings for him. I don’t – I don’t want this to end!”

“It doesn’t have to, I guess?” May shrugged and looked confused. “You have to admit, three months is a pretty short time and Dad _does_ have a point, but . . . Normie said this is just a break, right? I guess once you can get at least _Dad_ to come around, it might make it easier for you guys. He’s probably just scared that maybe he’s going to hurt you or something.”

“ _This_ is what hurts me . . . being caught in the middle. I – I don’t know, May! I know that they have a point, but I know _I_ have a point, too, but no one wants to listen to me! Normie listens, but he’s also the one that’s -! It’s just one night. We just need to talk, that’s all!”

“Right? You just want to talk . . . explains the condoms over there in the bin.”

“T-the -? Oh – oh my God! You – you s-saw those?”

He looked to her in absolute horror. The smile on her lips was that same childish one that she always wore as a kid, usually when she was about to get him into trouble, but this time it _wasn’t_ just some tit-for-tat teasing, instead . . . she _knew_ something so – so – so _personal_! Okay, so she wouldn’t use it against him, but he didn’t want her _knowing_ something like that, no matter how obvious it may have been! Some things were just _private_! He felt his cheeks heat up to the point that that almost burned, and he dropped his head into his hands and groaned in sheer embarrassment. May laughed at him and shook her head.

“D-don’t – don’t say that word,” he murmured.

May raised a leg onto the edge of the bed, where she wrapped her arms around it and rested her head upon her knee. It was impossible for him to look up from between his legs, even as he cast a brief glance to her, and he just wanted to _hide_ forever from her, because she knew that he -! She knew that he was planning to -! Benjamin swallowed hard and felt his hands shake just a little, as a sweat broke upon him, and he realised that this was a conversation he couldn’t even have with _Normie_ , let alone his _sister_ , which made it ten-times weirder!

“Why not? It’s just a word,” she said.

“Did you get the same talk as me?” Benjamin asked. “Seriously the cucumber and the – the -? Oh God, that was enough to make me _never_ want to look at one of those things ever again! It was fucking _traumatising_! It’s not something I _ever_ want to talk about ever again!”

“You’re so immature sometimes, Benji! You were the one going to _use_ them!”

“Er, not those ones . . . there’s – er – a reason why they’re in the bin.”

“Seriously? You weren’t going to use them?” May asked.

“N-no, s-something – ah – worse.”

He _really_ couldn’t look her in the eyes now. Instead, he looked across the room to his closet, where there was a small box at the bottom in which he kept his most cherished memories, photos and items that he couldn’t display in his room. There was a photograph of himself with Normie, as well as a cork from a bottle of champagne shared one evening, and a necklace given as a gift. It made him feel better _knowing_ they were there, even if he felt a little sentimental. It also made him feel so much worse about what he had planned to do . . .

It – it wasn’t as if he had much of an excuse to have planned what he did, either, because his parents _really_ drilled in ‘the talk’ growing up. Peter treated it as a ‘continuous dialogue’, where he would always ask questions or explain things that ever appeared on television or in conversation, as well as being quite frank about the difficulties in raising a child or committing to a relationship. Wade, however, was a _lot_ more traumatising in his approach. They knew that sexually transmitted diseases wouldn’t be an issues, but pregnancy was, so there was a whole afternoon dedicated to applying condoms to a cucumber, watching videos of a childbirth, and listening to the importance of ‘alone time’ and not giving in to ‘pressure’.

No, there really was no excuse, because he _knew_ better, but he -! He had just been so _desperate_ , and it was only when he was looking down at his hand that he _realised_ how stupid the idea had been, and he disposed of them immediately! Still, just as Wade _gave_ him the condoms to be ‘safe’, he was _sure_ that Peter counted them each morning to make sure they were all still there, so he _dreaded_ the conversation on where they suddenly went . . . he had a vague recollection of once blowing one up and painting it to look like Peter. Wade and May told on him about ‘Penis Pete’ and he was grounded for a _month_ for insulting his father.

Still, nothing could be worse than admitting what he was about to admit . . .

“I kind of – ah – sabotaged them . . . a little.”

May spun around and pulled at his shoulder, to get him to sit up, and he gave a heavy sigh and used his legs to push himself up the bed. He eventually settled at the head of the bed, where he propped pillows against one wall and leaned against the other, and felt his entire body become heavy and limp with shame. He toed at the bag by his feet, whilst he tried to avoid looking at her rather angry gaze. It felt weird to be glared at by May, because usually _he_ was the responsible one, but -! He got rid of them almost immediately! It wasn’t as if he were ever _going_ to use them, so he -! Benjamin sighed and felt tears rise.

“Oh, you’re kidding me,” snapped May.

“I – I figured out it was a bad idea right after doing it!” Benjamin raised his hands in mock surrender. “I – I – I was looking down and realised how _stupid_ it was, so I – I binned them! It – it was just -! I can’t even explain the logic. I guess I just thought that they would _have_ to accept him, if I were . . . you know? I knew Normie wouldn’t agree, so . . . I _know_ it was stupid! That’s why I got rid of them! The safe ones are in my bag. I – I couldn’t betray his trust that way, plus I didn’t want to prove to Pops that I really am just a kid and -!”

“I can’t believe it even crossed your mind! You’re such an -!” May paused to smile childishly. “ _Oh my God_ , does that mean you guys are -? You’re such a _prude_ , Benjamin! I didn’t think you guys would even be -! You _so_ better hope Pops doesn’t find out! Like, I know he _thinks_ you two are, but if he _knows_ you are then -!”

“We – we’re not! At least, not enough to need _those_.”

May looked confused this time. He could understand that, especially as everyone seemed to have the same suspicions about his relationship with Normie, and – honestly – he knew that it was something Normie did want, but . . . Normie was so _patient_ and happy to move at Benjamin’s pace, so they never really got close to that point. Still, May shuffled back to lean against the wall, and rested her feet on the mattress, whilst she sent him a sideways glance.

“So why do you have them?” May asked.

It was hard not to blush even more, even as he thought such a thing impossible, and he was forced to bring his legs up to wrap his arms around them, as if – by hugging himself tightly – he could fight back the mortification of what he was about to admit. He had _no_ idea how May could _talk_ about these things so calmly, but he honestly didn’t want to know. He just wanted the conversation to be over, so he could sneak out and see Normie, before this was made any more awkward or anyone else decided to appear to make the conversation any worse.

“I want to talk to Normie, yeah,” he admitted. “Still, what if Pops and Dad always hate him? What if Normie sacrifices me, because he doesn’t want to alienate my family? I just wanted . . . I don’t know . . . one perfect night? I – I just don’t want to say goodbye without . . .”

“You’re such a crappy romantic! Your first time isn’t supposed to be a goodbye!”

“I’m not supposed to say goodbye at all, May!”

He felt the tears begin to rise. He turned his head to look at her with a smile, where he saw her give an equally sad smile in return. It was difficult to keep his sadness inside, as he thought about how he had _so much to share_ with Normie, where he thought so much about their future and what they could do, and now it felt as if those three months were almost for nought, where it was all about to end and so _needlessly_ , too! He – he couldn’t go back to being just friends, but what if even _that_ was ‘forbidden’? He felt the tears fall, as he brushed his knuckles across his cheek to wipe them away. It was too painful to abide.

“I don’t want this to _end_ ,” he said.

“Okay, so _fight_ for the relationship! Just don’t give up!”

“I’m not _giving_ up! I just – I just need to _talk_ to Normie and sort this out! I don’t want to hide our relationship, neither does he, but . . . he’s right. My family . . . you guys . . . you are important to me and I _love_ you, but why should I have to _choose_? I – I don’t know, but maybe we can try to talk to them again or – or -! Normie might have an idea. Plus, I – I can’t _stand_ the idea of being on a break! What if -? What if he meets someone else . . .?”

“You need more faith in yourself, Benji!” May stood up and cracked her back. “You’re a pretty great guy! Do you _know_ how many of my friends wanted to ask you out? They thought you were cute, although I think they were just blind. Still -! Once you hit Gene? _Everyone_ was talking about you! Even your _bullies_ were cheering you on!”

“I’m -! I’m not -! I’m not going to believe that I’m something I’m _not_ , May! I need to accept my failings and my weaknesses, because if I don’t -!” He buried his hands into his hair and leaned forward with a sigh. “I need to know what’s going on between us.”

“Okay, so go talk to him. Just don’t take no for an answer!”

“How about _respecting_ his choices and answers?”

May shrugged and gave a wink. He laughed aloud, despite his tears, and realised that he envied her optimism and sense of confidence. The sentiment behind what she said was something to cherish, but he didn’t want to disrespect Normie by _demanding_ they stay together, not when Normie respected him enough to be honest and to want to put him first. He rubbed at his eyes again, until May repelled herself off the bed and threw his bag straight at him, forcing him to catch it quickly and sit upright. May smiled again.

“Quicker you two talk, the quicker you’ll know,” she said.

“Thanks, May. I’ll be back by morning, I swear.”

“You better be. I’m not covering for you!”

Benjamin laughed and climbed out of bed, before he pulled on his backpack and walked over to her for a warm hug. It was nice to feel her hold him back, even as he realised that _he_ was supposed to be the mature one and the one that _May_ could turn to, but . . . it was strange to realise that _everyone_ could have vulnerable moments and need support, but it was harder still to accept that without feeling weak or like a failure as the older sibling. He let go of her and moved to the window, where he watched as she gave him a look that seemed equal parts worry and love, before he opened the window and prepared to jump out.

It was hard to move away when he could sense that she was worried, but because perhaps she was simply uncertain how this would go . . . a part of her likely wanted to believe in him and his faith in Normie, whilst another part of her feared that Benjamin was making her mistakes, falling for a guy like Gene that hurt him once and would hurt him again. Still, she gave a wave of acknowledgement, despite being in the same room and looking right at him, and he waved back in turn and tried not to let emotion overwhelm him. It was then she spoke:

“If anything happens, you call me or Dad, right?”

“Nothing’s going to happen, I swear.”

“I hope not . . . take care, Benji?”

He rolled his eyes and aimed his web just underneath the window, where he could use it to lower himself slowly and carefully, and he realised how lucky he was to have such a supportive family, and . . . well . . . there were worse things than caring too much. Normie was right that he needed to consider them, but he wanted them _so much_ to consider Normie in turn, and yet -! He sighed and tried to smile back at his sister. She was right that he would soon get some real answers, and that was something at least . . .

“I will do,” he said. “Wish me luck?”

He swung away and hoped for the best.

 


	3. Chapter Three

** Chapter Three **

“Do you have any regrets?”

Benjamin blinked in surprise, before he looked up. It was clear that Normie looked rather sated and contented, at least judging by the lazy smile across his lips and the blush to his body, and the way he ran his fingers up and down Benjamin’s forearm was quite soothing. He enjoyed how warm the older man felt against him, as he lay with his head on Normie’s shoulder and his left arm draped around his waist, and he could even feel the steady and rhythmic breathing of his boyfriend. It was so peaceful, so warm . . . _so perfect._

There were a few forming bruises on Normie’s hips, whilst the cuts down Benjamin’s back were already healing, and there was a heavy sweat upon both of their bodies, complete with a few specks of dried come upon Normie’s abdomen . . . they were missed when he tried to wipe the streaks away from earlier. Benjamin felt his hair stick to his forehead, just as he could feel the sheets clinging to legs and buttocks, and there was a minor chill in the air and a heavy scent of great exertion. He – he hadn’t realised that the taste of flavoured lubrication could taste _nothing_ like it was meant to taste, just as he hadn’t realised how much a bed could shake and leave marks upon the wall behind, but now he knew and he also knew:

“There are no regrets.”

He nuzzled against Normie and pressed a chaste kiss against warm skin. He breathed in deep and smiled happily to himself, as he thought about how different and perfect it felt to be so – so _deep_ inside another person . . . he knew he would go to his grave remembering how the light from outside reflected through the windows, how it struck Normie’s dark skin and how he came alive in the darkness, and how his blue eyes looked almost black. The sounds embarrassed Benjamin at first, until pleasure overcome his self-consciousness, and how the embarrassment returned when Normie asked him to pull out and he -! He groaned loudly.

“I – er – I -!” Benjamin bit his lip. “Sorry, it’s . . . inside?”

“You have just finished ravishing me, but you still can’t bring yourself to speak the words aloud?” Normie laughed lazily and wrapped his arms around Benjamin. “You are _too_ adorable for words. Don’t worry, I don’t mind that you _came_ inside me, Benji.”

“C-come on, Normie! Don’t say – don’t say it like that! I – I -! It was bad enough that you kept _commenting_ on things throughout the – the – _you know_! If that was what they call ‘dirty talk’, it’s _really_ not something I’m into, okay? Don’t tell me how my chest blushes. Don’t tell me that it’s cute how I scream. Don’t tell me that it’s okay _that_ got inside you! I – I mean -! I thought you didn’t want me to . . . do that?”

“It was your first time. I took it as a compliment.”

Benjamin groaned again in embarrassment, but Normie only began to laugh again. He buried his head in the pit of his boyfriend’s arm, in a desperate attempt to hide his blushing face, and found the scent of sex strangely heavier there, which was somewhat reassuring. Normie eventually stopped laughing to let out a long sigh, as he began to run his hands up and down over Benjamin’s back, before lifting the younger man to lie down against him, and – at that point – Benjamin moved his head into the crook of his lover’s neck.

“Next time you will be able to pull out,” said Normie.

“Isn’t that the problem? I mean . . . will there even be a next time?”

There was a long hiss of breath from Normie. They had spoken surprisingly little of what they planned to do next, before they gave into baser instincts, and a part of Benjamin was happy about that, not least because he _wanted_ something real and not tainted by _conflict_. Normie had argued that his sneaking into the apartment disrespected Benjamin’s parents, whilst Benjamin felt like a ‘break’ was disrespectful to them as a couple, and – as they grew more heated in their argument, more desperate to express their love in some way – one thing led to another and they found themselves in bed. It was somehow both everything and nothing like Benjamin expected, whilst even now in the afterglow he could barely believe it.

He felt his heart skip a little in fear, as he thought about being made to give up Normie, and perhaps this wasn’t the right decision for either of them . . . consummating their relationship only made them feel closer, as they shared something so intimate, and he _knew_ it would make any actual break-up ten-times more difficult. Still, he _needed_ Normie, just as much as he knew that he would _never_ regret this. This was his first time, but it was borne out of love and respect and went so well . . . he would treasure the memory for a lifetime.

They lay in silence for a long while, until Benjamin began to grow tired. It was difficult when he still felt somewhat aroused, which Normie insisted was a result of his healing reflex cutting into his refractory period, but – the bright side to waiting – meant that there was more time to simply talk and work things out with each other. Benjamin drew in a deep breath, before he began to place soft kisses against Normie’s neck and muttered tiredly to himself, even as Normie hummed in contentment. It was a perfect moment, where he could have easily have fallen asleep utterly relaxed. He cherished the intimacy whilst they had it.

“I would like that there be a next time,” admitted Normie.

“Yeah? That’s good! That is good, right?” Benjamin looked at him hopefully. “I mean – it’s just – well -! I _really_ like you, Normie, and I know you like me! So . . . we can stay together, can’t we? There’s no real reason why we shouldn’t.”

“There’s one big reason, Benji: your parents.”

Benjamin winced and gave a pout. He felt a little childish for the gesture, even as he let his hands clench and scratch upon his boyfriend’s chest, resting just above his left nipple and the ‘R’ in his tattoo, and he looked across to the windows across from the bed. He could just about make out the waters outside, along with a few boats, as the lack of light meant a lack of reflections blocking his view, and it made him feel a little more relaxed. It felt as if he were in a whole other world, rather than having his heart broken in his boyfriend’s room.

“We don’t need their approval,” said Benjamin.

“Yes, we do,” said Normie coldly. “You have an awful habit of only seeing what is immediately before you, and – whilst I can see how this sight can be truly captivating – you do need to look further afield. The future will one day be present.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk! You’re calling _me_ shortsighted? Okay, fine, remind me _who_ was it that paraded around in a _goblin_ mask, all because he had some damned death wish? Look, I just think -! I just think that _our_ future is the one we should be focussing on. I’m not going to be naïve and assume it’ll all be perfect, because I _know_ it’ll be difficult, but -! Damn it, May was _right_ , something worth _having_ is worth _fighting_ to keep!”

“Very well, then ask yourself whether what we have is worth _keeping_ , Benji.” Normie held onto him tighter. “Don’t get upset; I do not mean to imply I do not feel for you, but merely that this might not be right _for you_ , and I do not wish to lock you into a relationship that is going to be _detrimental_ to you in any form.”

“You aren’t _fucking_ serious?” Benjamin snapped. “You don’t mean that.”

“Benjamin! You need to _listen_ to me, I beg you.”

Normie lifted Benjamin’s head to look at him through the darkness, where Benjamin found it hard to look away and saw the sincerity and pain in his lover’s expression. There was a sad smile visible through the shadows on Normie’s face, as well as a hint of unshed tears lurking in his eyes, and it was clear that he felt as strongly as Benjamin about the issue, if not stronger . . . he usually hid his emotions so well, but even his hold was hard and firm. It was as if he feared that a loose grip would be to let Benjamin go, and to let him go would be to loose him forever. Benjamin sighed and bit his lip nervously.

It was hard not to feel _conflicted_. He wanted to listen, but he was afraid of what he would hear, because surely love was something all consuming and passionate? Surely love was a _need_ to be with someone and have them need you in turn? If Normie was _able_ to let him go, surely he couldn’t love him as strongly as Benjamin believed? You – you couldn’t just leave something you loved -! This felt _wrong_ . . . still, Benjamin drew in a deep breath and said: 

“Okay, fine, I’m listening.”

“I never had a real family,” replied Normie. “I never had someone to teach me to play catch, someone to laugh at my jokes, someone to read to me at night . . . my mother tried her best, but she couldn’t be the father that I needed. It never stopped the incessant question, either: why was I not worth staying alive? My father would rather chase revenge than to raise me; just as my grandfather sought the same thing . . . it is why I got this tattoo in particular. I never want to be like them. I also never want to drag you into my world like that.

“You have parents that love you and that you love in turn. Wade is your _hero_ , just as Peter is someone that you emulate more than I think you realise. I look to you and sometimes see him more than I care to admit, but . . . what will you admit, Benji? On your wedding day, do you not wish for them to sit on the front pew with smiling faces? On the day of your child’s birth, do you not wish for them to be eagerly waiting outside with presents and tears? I bet you picture them growing old and visiting them on weekends, just as you always picture a _family_ . . . the family that _raised and loved_ you. You will sacrifice that for me?”

“It’s – it’s not fair that they –”

“That they give us this ultimatum? No, it’s not. Still, I will _not_ be the one to take away from you the two people that you love above all else. I will not be the one to make you feel incomplete, because the biggest influence on your life is _gone_! They love you, which is a gift that you need to cherish and appreciate. You would find another lover, if we broke up, but you would _never_ find another father to replace the two you lost. Believe me.”

Benjamin felt his eyes water. He knew that Normie spoke from personal experience, as his relationship with his stepfather was far from perfect, but a part of Benjamin felt that Normie wasn’t actually _missing_ anything. Norman and Harry didn’t deserve someone like Normie in their lives anyway, not if they couldn’t put him first and foremost, and that was _their_ loss! Why did Normie feel this _impossible need_ to somehow make them proud? Why did he _blame himself_ for things outside of his control? It was as if he romanticised what a family meant, but maybe he just saw the value of it that Benjamin took for granted. He just knew one thing: he would never be able to replace Normie. Why did Normie think that he could?

He lowered his head again and let it rest just above Normie’s heart, as he adjusted his position, and he could hear the steady and rhythmic sound as clear as day itself. It was a comfort to him, so that he could have easily have fallen asleep to that beating heart, and it reminded him that Normie was with him, that they were together, and he never wanted it to end, because the minute he stopped listening . . . it would all be gone. He drew in a deep breath and felt his eyes water beyond his control. Normie seemed to sense his pain.

“This isn’t forever,” said Normie.

The laugh that escaped Benjamin’s lips was hollow at best. He felt it come forth before he could stop it, even as he ran his fingertips loosely over Normie’s collarbone and felt his half-hard length beneath him, and the sheets that barely covering them now felt cold. It was hard to stop from crying, as a horrible mixture of anger and sorrow overwhelmed him, and he felt so _lost_. . . unable to decide whether to scream or cry or laugh. He wanted something to hold onto, something that was just _his_ and his _alone_ . . . he wanted what only Normie could give.

It was then that he heard the buzz from his phone from afar, as he looked across the room to see that the screen was lit up to show May’s name, and he groaned in frustration and let out a long sigh. The call eventually ended, which was something of a relief. He knew that he would always have his family, but Normie . . . he _needed_ Normie in his life, he just _couldn’t_ sacrifice Normie, not least when he knew his family would eventually come around . . . he hoped. Okay, so maybe – _maybe_ – it would be best to wait, so that they could be together with everyone’s support, but -! How long would they have to wait?

“It feels like forever,” muttered Benjamin.

“We’re still young, a day feels like forever to us,” said Normie. “I want for us to remain friends, but I _promise_ you that I will not be intimate with anyone else, not whilst there is still a chance at us becoming a couple again. This is temporary, until one of us decides that it’s not. I won’t set a time limit for us, because it would do more harm than good, but at some point we will know whether this can work. I only hope your parents can come around.”

“N-Normie, I – I can’t – I can’t be just friends!” Benjamin felt a tear fall. “I _love_ you. I – I never slept with anyone before this, but I slept with _you_. You _know_ how much trust and affection and dedication that took me! I don’t think I could look at you without wanting more. I _know_ I couldn’t talk to you without _hurting_ about what we no longer have!”

“You love me? The afterglow and endorphins truly are new to you.”

“ _Don’t you fucking joke_! I _know_ how I feel!”

Benjamin struck him hard on his chest. There was a wince from Normie, but – as Benjamin grabbed the sheets in an attempt to climb out of bed – Normie wrapped his arms tightly around him and pulled him back against him. It was frustrating to be held against his will, as cold memories of that night so few months ago rushed back, and he felt a wave of fear and desperation sink in, even as he _knew_ he could easily overpower Normie, but he didn’t want to risk _hurting_ Normie. Eventually, he let himself fall back upon his boyfriend and let himself be embraced, even as he gave a heavy sigh and pouted in frustration.

“You feel we can’t be just friends?” Normie asked.

He sat up to look at Normie in curiosity. He rested a leg on either side of his boyfriend’s waist, although he realised that he was far too exposed this way, and so he pulled the sheets from the other side of the bed to drape over his member. Normie raised an eyebrow and his expression became slightly sterner . . . it was Benjamin’s turn to roll his eyes. He slapped Normie lightly on the arm, as he chastised him for so obviously checking him out during such a serious conversation, before he asked the question that preyed upon his mind:

“Do _you_ think we can be just friends?”

“I wouldn’t suggest it, if I didn’t believe it.” Normie gave a sigh. “I worry that without friendship, something to tie us together, that this moves from being a break and becomes an actual break-up. I hope to avoid that at all costs.”

“We don’t have to break up at all, Normie.”

“You know we have to.”

Benjamin scrunched his eyes closed. He only opened them again when he felt Normie’s hand upon his cheek, and – when he looked down – he saw the sheer disappointment upon Normie’s face and felt his heart break. Normie would remain faithful to him, if it was just a break, but a full _break-up_ was completely different, and Benjamin wouldn’t expect him to remain faithful in that case . . . it wouldn’t be right to end their relationship, but to still lay claim to Normie. Still, a break was conditional on remaining friends, on a chance of -!

It was ultimately his choice, wasn’t it? Benjamin felt his eyes water, as he raised a hand to hold onto Normie’s, where he nuzzled into it with a sad smile and cherished the warmth that he felt and the smooth fingertips against his cheek. The very _idea_ of just being friends -! He couldn’t _look_ at Normie and not feel a wave of desire, just as he couldn’t talk to Normie and not feel an overwhelming sense of love, and he _knew_ that to just be friends – to be on a break and knowing it was could lead back to a relationship – would just leave him heartbroken, wanting for more and constantly yearning for his touch. There was no closure in a break, only an eternal purgatory where no one could more forward. This – this was it, wasn’t it?

“One last time?” Benjamin asked.

Normie brushed his thumb across Benjamin’s cheek, as he leaned into the touch and felt a tear fall with a sad smile. It was clear that Normie shared in his disappointment, as he looked heartbroken by the revelation that this would be as far as they could go, but . . . no one knew what the future held, did they? There was still a chance that they could get back together. They just –! They just needed some time apart . . . that was all. Normie smiled weakly and gave a nod of his head, as he looked lost and even afraid.

“I won’t say no,” Normie whispered.

It was all the invitation that Benjamin needed. He didn’t want this to _end_ , but it felt as if they had no other choice the way things stood, and yet he _hoped_ – _prayed_ even – that his parents would come around soon and that they could be together again. In the meantime, he wanted so much to make the most of the time they had together, and he wanted _Normie_. He wanted everything that Normie was willing to give, even if they wouldn’t be able to do this again, or at least . . . even if they would have to wait what felt like a lifetime to do it again. Benjamin leaned down to kiss his lover one last time.

He felt Normie’s hand move to cup the back of his neck, whilst his other rested on his hip and pulled back the sheets to reveal his length, and he blushed despite himself. They already made love once, but each time that Normie touched him felt like it was the first time all over again, and he couldn’t help but to let out a shuddered breath. The kiss was chaste and gentle, as he let his lips move against his boyfriend’s. It was enough to express a multitude of feelings, but not enough to sate the need within . . . Benjamin pulled back briefly.

Normie’s lips were bruised from earlier, slightly wet from where he licked them in anticipation, and – suddenly – Benjamin felt a need unlike any other, where he leaned down to devour Normie in a kiss more passionate than any other shared. He felt Normie’s hands around him at once, as he was pulled flush against Normie, with his lover’s length beginning to grow against his thigh. Benjamin moaned into the kiss and tried to hold back from rutting against Normie desperately. Normie instinctively spread his legs to accommodate Benjamin, but that wasn’t what he wanted . . . not then. He pulled away and began to gasp for breath.

“Just w-wait a second, okay?”

Benjamin climbed away from Normie, before he stumbled out of bed. It appeared to amuse Normie immensely to see Benjamin curse and trip, as he tried to make his way over to his rucksack in the corner of the room with a full erection, and – even through the darkness – he could see Normie sit up with a lustful gaze and a smug smile. Benjamin swallowed hard, as he looked back to see what an erotic sight his boyfriend made splayed upon the bed. It took him a long moment to focus on the task at hand.

He managed to find the condom easily enough. It was in date, although he had to check his memory _very_ carefully to make sure it was a safe one, even as he felt himself blush in shame at his actions earlier that day. Still, he couldn’t but be grateful that he _did_ make the right choice . . . he came so close to doing something so _stupid_ , but instead he could enjoy this guilt-free and express his love safely. He moved quickly back to the bed, where he lay down next to Normie and reached out to grab the lubrication from the nightstand, which he shoved – along with the condom – into Normie’s hand. The older man looked across to him with a nervous expression of disbelief. It made Benjamin blush all the more.

“Are you sure?” Normie asked.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

Normie laughed warmly, before he leaned over Benjamin for a kiss. It was Benjamin’s turn to wrap his arms around his lover’s neck and feel a warm body upon his, where he cherished the sensations more than he ever thought, and it wasn’t long before he felt a lubricated finger upon his hole. He knew to relax as it slowly breached him, following his curves and waiting to give him time to adjust, but it was easy to relax against one finger, and he _saw_ how Normie struggled to take him whole . . . it made him a little nervous.

The kiss distracted him enough for a second and third finger to be added, although – upon the third – he dug his nails into Normie’s shoulders with a hiss of breath, as he felt himself involuntarily clench around those digits and clench his eyes shut. It wasn’t painful, not really, but _damn_ it was uncomfortable! He found it somewhat ironic that the spell changed Peter enough to _bear_ young, but not to _bear_ the thing that was required to _make_ the young, and Benjamin mentally cursed that the spell changed his father’s biology on such a fundamental level, not least because _he_ inherited it in turn too, along with any sons he might have in the future. Still, when Normie crooked his fingers to aim for the spot he knew so well -?

Benjamin let out a loud cry of pleasure.

He heard Normie muttering comments about how beautiful he looked, just as how he loved the sounds he made, and how he wanted Benjamin to ‘wait’ until they were ‘connected’, but such words honestly sounded incomprehensible to him. There was a faint sweat on his forehead, as he began to writhe slightly, and – as uncomfortable as it was – he _wanted_ Normie to touch that spot again. It was a place Normie often touched during oral sex, but rarely did he ever go past one finger, so this . . . this was a first among firsts.

“I will ask again: are you sure?”

Benjamin looked down to see that Normie had torn open the packet with his teeth, before he hastily applied it to this length. It was clear that he had more experience than Benjamin, as he didn’t slip or stumble once, plus he didn’t – as Benjamin did embarrassingly once – put it on backwards either. Still, Benjamin rarely had cause to use them, unless Normie asked him to during . . . well . . . oral acts, but it wasn’t as though he could catch or transmit any diseases with his healing factor so . . . Benjamin swallowed hard.

He could see that Normie was waiting for an answer, but he didn’t know what to say and Normie was right to ask him, because this wasn’t something that could be undone once it was done and . . . would he regret it? He – he was always a believer in having one sexual partner . . . his first, last and only . . . still, they were talking about _breaking up_ and the idea of his first time being a goodbye . . . Benjamin shook his head. He felt Normie pull his fingers away. The older man was so flushed red, with lips parted and eyes dilated, and he looked so beautiful and so patient . . . Benjamin wasn’t sure he would have been able to stop in his position, even as he strove for excellent self-control, but Normie could. Normie did.

“You’re not sure?”

“If – if I changed my mind, would you -?”

“I would stop. There isn’t any pressure here, Benji.”

Benjamin swallowed hard and held tight to Normie. He let his hands run up and down his lover’s arms and shoulders, as he glanced down to see Normie’s erection a mere inch from his hole, and he felt _desperate_ for more, so that – if Normie let him – his body already made the decision for him. He couldn’t help but to strain downwards, occasionally feeling the head against him and relishing in how hot it felt, and yet he _needed_ to think about this properly. It was an easy decision to make in retrospect; he loved Normie, Normie respected him, and he knew that he would never regret this. He would always cherish this.

“Then I’m sure,” he whispered. “I love you.”

The smile on Normie’s lips brought a tear to his eye, but – more so – did the feeling of the length against his hole that now pressed forward . . . Normie steadied himself, as he leaned towards Benjamin and pressed their noses together. Benjamin felt the warm breath of his boyfriend, but then he felt the warmth of something else. He threw back his head with a cry of discomfort and slight pain, as Normie began to kiss him deeply in distraction, before he ran his hands over his chest and played with his nipples. Benjamin began to pant.

It – it hurt a little, but clearly Normie enjoyed it, and his healing factor kicked in pretty fast for such a small pain . . . still, Normie was reasonably well-endowed and it filled him so completely, so each movement brought back the sharp ache. Normie broke the kiss to rest his forehead upon Benjamin’s, as he caught his breath, and then began to move in a steady and slow rhythm. It was easy to forget the pain when Normie worked his body so well, including the hand that came between them to work his erection with complete precision and perfection, and Benjamin arched his back and brought his legs around Normie’s waist and pulled him closer. This – this wasn’t what he expected, but it was good . . .

Normie began to mutter almost incoherently, as he placed surprisingly chaste kisses along Benjamin’s neck, which felt like heaven and caused Benjamin to turn into them . . . half-wanting more and half-wanting to catch Normie again in a real kiss. The movements soon became more frantic, although with more rhythm than Benjamin had been capable of achieving in their earlier moments together, and he almost envied Normie’s ability to keep up an amazing pace, despite the speeding of his hips and the sound of balls slapping upon his buttocks. The scent of sex was heavy in the air, whilst Benjamin felt the pleasure rise.

“You’re so beautiful,” whispered Normie.

It was then that Normie struck the bundle of nerves within him, just as his thumb dipped into the slit of Benjamin’s length, and he could even feel teeth biting into his neck. He let out a loud scream, until he felt his throat begin to hurt. The orgasm ripped through him, so that his body locked tightly around Normie and his back arched considerably, and he felt the pleasure course through him as ropes of come splattered against his abdomen, before he felt – as he clenched instinctively – something warm inside him that felt not quite right.

“Shit,” muttered Normie. “The condom must have slipped.”

Benjamin merely smiled sleepily. He finally felt sated, as well as a little sleepy and almost euphoric, and – as Normie pulled out fully – he only gave a hiss of discomfort, before he groaned in frustration and tried to curl in on himself to sleep. Normie gave a sound somewhere between a growl and groan, before he sighed heavily and grabbed a hold of Benjamin’s hips and forced him onto his back. It was enough to pull him back into reality. He looked up with dazed and confused eyes, before he felt fingers inside him.

A few seconds later, he saw and felt Normie remove the condom. The older man looked at it with an expression impossible to decipher, before he knotted it and tossed it into a nearby bin, and then fell onto his side and pulled Benjamin in for a warm embrace. Benjamin was already half-asleep when he felt the sheets pulled up to cover them, with Normie’s left arm under his neck as something like a cushion, with the other draped over his waist . . . Normie felt hot against him, soaked in sweat, and his heavy breathing was a comfort. The sheets were cool and made him moan, as he nuzzled back against Normie and drew in a deep breath, but it was then the words finally hit him. Benjamin’s eyes shot open in sheer shock.

“W-wait! W-what – what did you say about the – the condom?”

“It slipped off,” said Normie. “I must not have applied it correctly. It didn’t break, which I would believe to be the main thing, yes? It has caught most – if not all – of what it needs, meaning I believe we should be safe. Do not worry.”

“D-don’t worry! You – you can’t be fucking serious?” Benjamin reached down to squeeze Normie’s hand upon his hip. “You have no idea what -! _Fuck!_ If I’m -! May’s going to think I did this on purpose! Oh God, we’re supposed to be breaking up, n-not -! I’m just eighteen, Normie! How are we going to -? I – I – I can’t – I can’t breathe! This – this was only – this was only supposed to be a – a -! What are we -?”

“Benjamin . . . you worry far too much. Condoms are ninety-eight percent effective when used correctly, and typical usage makes them eighty-two percent effective. If you are, we will deal with it as mature adults, but do not become hysterical with worry when we have only _minutes_ finished making love. Do you truly think yourself _that_ fertile?”

“O-one time is all it takes, right? P-Pops said that – that they had a condom break just once, a-and then nine months later May arrived. I – I got the whole lecture about not mixing certain types of lubrication with condoms and -! Shit, Normie, this is serious!”

“It is seriously amusing that you jump to the worst conclusions.”

“One of us needs to be realistic!”

Benjamin squeezed tighter, even as Normie let out a deep laugh from behind him, and he smiled as he felt small kisses peppered against his neck. A horrible part of him wondered whether he mistook the condoms, accidentally using the faulty ones, but even if he had . . . what could he say to convince Normie this was serious? He – he didn’t want Normie to think this had been intentional, but then . . . what if he _was_ just overreacting? The chances were pretty slim, right? Nothing would come of it, surely . . .

It was then that he realised that tomorrow their relationship would come to an end. They – they could easily go on a break, but Benjamin just couldn’t -! He couldn’t . . . he couldn’t be around someone that he loved so much, unable to hold them or tell them how he felt, and he couldn’t let Normie live his life on hold for a blessing that might never come. It wouldn’t be fair on Normie, but it wouldn’t be fair on Benjamin either, but with Normie refusing to continue a romantic relationship without said blessing . . . it felt like a stalemate. It – it probably wasn’t fair for Benjamin to make this into an ultimatum, but he -! He swallowed hard as the tears come quickly, at which point Normie asked softly:

“Why would May think it on purpose, anyway?”

“It’s a long story,” muttered Benjamin. “Let’s just sleep . . .”

“Do we say goodbye in the morning?”

Benjamin felt the tears fall in earnest. It was difficult to see in the black room, with eyes blurred with tears and feeling Normie seemingly crying silently behind him, but he simply let his arms lock around Normie and held on tight. He wondered whether they could still be friends, if it meant they could one day be an item again, but he knew – as he let his fingertips trace the scars and tattoos upon Normie’s arms – neither one of them would be strong enough for that, instead pining for what could be and mourning what was lost . . .

“I – I guess we say goodbye,” he said sadly.

They lay in silence for a long while, as they both tried to process what that would mean for them, and yet the knowledge of what was to come didn’t make it any easier, which left Benjamin wondering whether he was just being stubborn or naïve . . . he _wanted_ Normie, just as Normie wanted him, but being half-together felt worse than being fully apart. It felt nice to lie with the man he loved, even as he realised that this may well be the last time that they held each other like this . . . that they were able to confess their love . . .

It was difficult to hold back his tears, even as Normie hushed him gently and continued to kiss him lightly, and soon he found himself rolled backwards, where he buried his head into Normie’s neck and felt his boyfriend stroke his hair in a soothing manner. The room was oddly silent, save for the whispers of Normie and the ticking of a clock from afar, and it was almost hypnotic . . . enough to lull him into a deep sleep. It was difficult to believe that this was the end, but at least it was a beautiful ending to what was a relationship he would treasure forever, and – as he hoped deeply – they would one day be together again, once his parents came around. He drew in a shuddered breath and closed his eyes.

“It will be okay, Benji,” whispered Normie.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right . . .”

 


	4. Chapter Four

# Chapter Four

“Yo, Benji!”

Benjamin froze mid-step. He looked across to the front door, as he felt his heart sink desperately within his chest, and he _knew_ that – with just a few more steps – he would be safe outside and free from any forced conversations. Still, as he drew in a deep breath and jumped down the final step, he realised that he couldn’t walk away forever, even if he wanted nothing more than to just _run_ from everything. May was calling to him; it wouldn’t be fair to ignore her, especially when she was only trying to be civil and kind . . .

He drew in a deep breath and forced a smile. It took him only a few steps to head inside the living room, where May kneeled on the sofa and rested her arm on the back, and he rolled his eyes at her childishness and felt glad Peter wasn’t around to chastise her. Benjamin saw that she was still wearing a nightshirt and a pair of shorts, which – considering he heard Wes stop by earlier – meant that Peter would _really_ be pissed that she hadn’t changed yet, not least because it was past midday. He rolled his eyes, before he grabbed a cushion on his way past and threw it straight at her bed-head, even as she swatted it away with a pout. It brought a sincere smile to his face to see her reaction, as he felt less alone.

May spun around and dropped to the middle cushion to sit properly, whilst Benjamin sat carefully on the armchair nearest the window, and he wondered briefly where Wes went or even whether he was still in the house. Hell, he vaguely remembered passing someone on the landing, but he’d assumed it was Wade or someone . . . he suddenly felt a wave of absolute guilt that he could have passed Wes without a word. He hadn’t been so lost in thought, had he? Benjamin sighed and leaned back against the cushions of the armchair, as he rubbed at the bridge of his nose and tried to calm down. He felt so _lost_ today.

“Dad’s going to kill you,” muttered Benjamin.

“Huh? Why? Wes dropped by after breakfast, I thought he was allowed?”

“Yeah, he’s allowed to drop by,” said Benjamin sternly. “He’s _not_ allowed to be left with you without a chaperone, though, especially when you’re barely dressed. Plus you _know_ it pisses Dad off when you don’t get dressed. He thinks it’s lazy.”

“I have a chaperone! I have you! I’ll get dressed later.”

“You didn’t have me! I was upstairs a-!”

It was then that he realised his hand was shaking. He pulled it away to look at it in confusion, as if he were looking at someone else’s hand, before he dropped it in disgust and wrapped his arms around himself. May rolled her eyes, as he lifted his legs up and sat in an almost foetal position, but that mental image just made him feel sick to his stomach . . . the stress was so much that he constantly felt light-headed, with his face feeling as if it were stuffed with cotton wool, and he constantly feared nosebleeds from his stress-induced fatigue.

“You need to be responsible, May,” he muttered.

“I did! I came upstairs to tell you that Wes was here,” she argued back. “You were asleep. I tried to wake you, but you tried to web my mouth shut and then rolled over. Oh, your aim is way off, by the way! Hey, are you feeling better? It’s been six weeks, hasn’t it?”

“Six weeks tomorrow, yeah. Why do you ask?”

“I’m just worried. You look depressed.”

Benjamin burst into laughter. It felt hollow, even to his ears, and he realised that the empty laughter was the only thing stopping him from crying. He raised a shaking hand to his mouth to hide the gesture, as he found his mouth twitching rapidly between a smile and a frown, and his body felt beyond his control, so that every gesture and expression felt broken and controlled by some outside force. The room felt cold, which made him worry that May wasn’t properly dressed or might get sick, and then he realised that he wasn’t her father, just as he couldn’t tell her how to dress, and he needed to _trust_ that she would be okay.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m a bit of a mess.”

“Hey, I get that, honestly!” May said cheerfully. “It’s just you were starting to get over it, you know? It’s like – ugh, what’s that saying – it takes half the length of the relationship to get over the relationship? So you guys dated three months, right? Six weeks on –”

“May, I love you, but just _stop_ , okay? Just _stop_. Life doesn’t follow a certain set of rules, so – _no_ – I’m not over it because a set time has passed . . . I’m not going to say I won’t ever be over it, but I was feeling better, yeah. Today? I – I don’t want to talk about it . . . not yet. It’s just a bad day, okay? I tried calling Normie, but he’s not fucking returning my calls! He said that I –! He said that I’m obviously confused, you know? It’s – it’s a fair statement, I guess? I just hate it . . . I hate that he’s so damned _nice_ about everything!

“He says that if I keep calling him, it’s because I still have feelings for him or want him in my life,” said Benjamin coldly. “That’s true, I admit, but I – I said I can’t be friends with him, which is true, too! I don’t know _why_ I’m calling, but just hearing his voice fucking makes it so much _easier_ , and I -! I don’t know . . . maybe it’s selfish, but I just needed to know he’s _there_ , only -! He’s saying that it makes him feel like shit, because he can’t move on when I’m always there, and he says he’s scared that I’ve not time to think about things clearly, because I’ve not the space to think or clear my head and I -! _I can’t do this alone_!”

“Hey, you’re not alone in this,” said May. She raised her hands in mock surrender. “I’m on your side, Benjamin, trust me! Do you think he’s right? Calling him all the time, when you wanted to break up . . . it does send mixed signals. _No judgement!_ I’m just saying; _I’d_ be super confused if a guy did that to me. It’d be like reliving the break-up with every call.”

“T-there’s more to it than that! I – I – I have to tell you something!”

_‘May? May! May, I need to speak with you!’_

Benjamin dropped his head against his knees. He couldn’t bring himself to resent Wes for shouting to May, because the two were dating and Wes was entitled to May’s time, just as much as anyone else. Still, it couldn’t have come at a worse time, even if Benjamin had only himself to blame for oversleeping and then lying in bed wondering about what to do next, and he found himself confused about what to even _feel_. He wanted to lash out and demand May listen to him, but he _knew_ that was just selfish and immature, but he just felt so – so -! Normie wouldn’t listen to him. He couldn’t talk to his parents. May was the only person he had to confess everything to, but with Wes seemingly having an emergency . . .

It was then that Wes bounded down the stairs, where he ran with such speed that he collided with the front door a little too painfully, so that even Benjamin was forced to wince and May gave a loud gasp. The younger boy stumbled back and clutched at his nose, which – thankfully – wasn’t bleeding or too bruised, before he walked a little unsteadily into the living room. There were a few pained groans from him, even as May spun around to lean on the sofa back again, as she tried to look him over, but he merely raised a hand and signalled her to stay put. He then reached into the back pocket of his jeans to pull something out.

It . . . it was a pregnancy test.

Benjamin felt his stomach roll heavily at the sight of it, just as he felt his breath leave him and his body begin to sweat. This – this wasn’t what he expected to happen at all, but now that it had -? He saw how pale that Wes looked, just as he saw the fear in the eyes of the sixteen-year-old, and Wes looked pretty bruised and beat up from his run down the stairs and inability to stop in his panic. There was a lump in Benjamin’s throat that was hard to swallow, as he tried to remind himself that everything was okay . . . wasn’t it?

“You’re _pregnant_?” Wes asked.

May slipped on the sofa cushion. It would have been funny to see the cushion detach from the sofa, especially to see her slide back and land on her buttocks on the floor, but the sheer expression of horror on her face made Benjamin feel a little sorry for her. Eventually Wes came around the sofa and helped her up, before she sat back down – after fixing the cushions – and he sat beside her with the test in one hand and her knee in his other. He looked terrified, yes, but he also looked concerned with May and her reactions. It was clear he cared about her, which only made Benjamin feel a stab of envy. He missed what they had.

“What? _No_!” May shouted. “That’s not mine! You -!”

“It’s _mine_ ,” said Benjamin. “It’s mine.”

“Yours? It’s _yours_?”

They both turned to look at him. Wes wore an expression equal part relived and confused, whereas May looked borderline furious, and he could see how red her cheeks became and how her eyes looked at him wider than he ever remembered. Benjamin found himself blushing, before he dropped his feet onto the floor and leaned out enough to snatch the test from Wes’ hands, who – in that moment – appeared to realise that it wasn’t _May’s_ test he was holding and let go in something close to disgust, as he wiped his hand on his jeans.

Benjamin shoved the test into his pocket and gave a sigh, as he resumed sitting back in his previous position and ran a hand through his hair. He could feel the test in his front pocket, as it sat awkwardly beneath his shirt and poked him uncomfortably in the thigh, and he cursed the fact that it served as a horrific reminder of the brutal truth. It was his fault, he _knew_ that, but he still had no idea how he was going to _deal_ with it! There was no question about whether he would keep the child or not, but _eventually_ Normie was going to have to answer his calls and he was going to need the confidence to _tell_ Normie, but what then -? Benjamin dropped his head back onto the armchair back and felt his eyes water. He was still just _eighteen_! This was – this was _way_ too soon!

“It’s mine,” he said sadly.

“Wow,” said Wes with a nervous smile. “I didn’t think you could do that?”

“You know about May being Spider-Girl, right?” Benjamin saw Wes give a nod. “Great, so I’m guessing she told you about how our pops isn’t our adoptive father, but . . . well . . . our biological one. I – I inherited the same ‘talent’ for bearing young from Dad.”

“So you can get pregnant, too? I have to say . . . that’s pretty mind-blowing.”

“If he stuck to blowing, he wouldn’t be in a mess,” said May.

“ _Fuck you, May!_ It’s not a joke!”

Benjamin turned to glare at her, before he realised the futility of it. He saw that she was deeply concerned; he knew that she loved him, just as he knew that her way of making jokes was only to distract herself from her worry, but he couldn’t help except feel shame and frustration and _terror_ at what this all meant. It was the first time he even admitted this aloud, as he strove to find someone to just _talk_ to about it, and even now he couldn’t say the words directly: he was pregnant. He – he didn’t know what that meant in the long-term, but he knew one thing and that was it was his fault. It was his fault!

“I – I used the wrong one, okay?”

He felt the tears begin to fall. It was then that he buried his hands into his hair, where he held tightly until he felt a spark of pain, and he let his forehead rest upon his knees. The beating of his heart was loud enough that he heard it pulsing in his ears, whilst a horrible sweat broke over his body, and – as he felt himself withdraw emotionally – May reached out to place a hand upon his shoulder. Wes shot a hand out to stop her, before she could, which caused her to scowl, but Benjamin only let out a hollow laugh of appreciation. He didn’t deserve her support. He didn’t deserve her love. He – he screwed up beyond belief.

“I used the wrong one . . .”

“Used the wrong what?” May asked. “What did you do?”

“The – the –! The _condom_ ,” he said, even as he whispered the last word. “I – I – I must have picked up one of the faulty ones! I-it came off, but – but Normie said it s-should be fine, only . . . only it _isn’t_ fine, because I’ve gained a few pounds and have these dizzy spells and -! Look, I never _meant_ to use them! You have to believe me! I just -!” He shook his head sadly. “I got – I got the test and – and took it today, but – but – but I -!”

“Shoot! Seriously, Benji? Well . . . you said it came off? I don’t know much about these things, but I got a _huge_ talking to from Dad and Pepper and Preston . . . part of the whole ‘your body is changing’ thing . . . didn’t you take a morning-after pill or something?”

“T-those things are meant for _women_ , May! I couldn’t take that!”

“Come on! It’s not as though it’d turn you _into_ a woman!”

“I didn’t know what they would _do_!”

May collapsed back against the sofa. It was obvious that she was annoyed, not least because she rolled her eyes, but she held her tongue and folded her arms. There was a hiss of breath from Wes, who edged close enough that his knee touched her bare thigh, and Benjamin saw his arm draped around her across the sofa back, so that he _really_ hoped Wade didn’t catch them. Wade was known to implement a ‘two foot’ rule and a literal ‘open door policy’ with May and her dates. Eventually May broke his train of thought to speak firmly to him:

“You have a healing factor.”

“Yeah, so shall I stick my hand in a blender?” Benjamin snapped. “It’ll grow back.”

“Oh sure, be like that. You’re so prickly when you’re depressed!”

He gave a sigh and ran a hand over his face. Okay, he knew that May had a point, but the idea of taking a tablet not meant for him in the slightest -? It _scared_ him. He didn’t know whether it would hurt the child, without getting rid of it, or whether it would make him incredibly sick for days on end, or maybe it just wouldn’t work at all? There – there was also the ethical question, but for Benjamin . . . he didn’t _know_ what his parents would think, but he knew what _he_ thought, and for him -? Conception was the start of life . . .

It wasn’t something he would _ever_ judge another person for doing, but it didn’t feel _right_ for him and added onto all the potential damage it could do -? It felt like . . . it felt like the cons outweighed the pros. Normie had mentioned it to him in passing, the same way that May did, but it wasn’t something that crossed his mind and Normie didn’t push him on it, probably because he thought Benjamin sensible enough to go ahead without further prompting, but he was just so _afraid_ of the biological and ethical fallout! Did he have a right to make that decision without Normie? He wasn’t sure, but he knew that – as terrified as he was of being pregnant – the idea of getting rid of what was inside -? Benjamin sighed and shrugged.

“So Normie doesn’t know?” May asked.

“No, like I said, he’s not returning my calls.”

“Okay, fine, so give me your phone.” May rolled her eyes when Benjamin looked at her sceptically. “Trust me, he won’t reply to you, right? I’ll ring him from my phone. It’ll come up as an unknown number. It depends what kind of guy he is . . . I mean, there’s _no way in heck_ I’d answer an unknown call, but some people would! I know Dad always does, just in case it’s another teacher or a student or a doctor or something!”

“What are you going to say?” Benjamin asked, as he fished out his phone and threw it at her. “I tried to spit it out a dozen times, before Normie got fed up of me calling for no reason. He – he needs to know, I know that, but I don’t know what to –”

“Shush! It’s ringing! Good sign! He hasn’t hung up!”

May threw his phone back at him. He caught it to see Normie’s picture above his name and number, and he smiled to see it was the photograph he took of Normie lying in bed on the morning after, where he looked towards the camera with such love. Still, he knew that eventually he would need to delete the pictures and maybe the number, but if he decided to raise the child . . . what then? Sure, he could give the child for adoption, but Normie would have rights, wouldn’t he? How would it work? It was then he heard May say:

“Hey, Normie! Guess who’s pregnant?”

Benjamin choked on the air, as he looked to May with a deathly glare. The expression she wore was so blasé, as if blunt honesty was the best option, and he felt a spark of both fury and fear. He reached out to snatch the phone out of her hands, cursing the uncomfortable case that felt encrusted with more gems than it needed to be, and – as his heart beat wildly and his mouth ran dry – he tried to speak to Normie. It was hard to get out a single word, whilst hearing Normie ask whether May was still there . . . to hear his voice again -! Benjamin felt a tear rise. It reminded him so much of what he lost, as well as what he _needed_ right then, and he _missed_ Normie so much! He gave a shaky smile and tried to speak as calmly as he could.

“Oh God, I’m so – _so_ sorry, Normie, I –”

_‘May said to guess who is pregnant? I hope it isn’t me.’_

“T-that would be a miracle, r-right? I – I thought I was . . . you know.”

 _‘That is all you have to say?’_ Normie gave a sigh. _‘I must admit that I expected a revelation like this to be accompanied by tears. You seemed terrified of such a prospect. I am afraid that I am obliged to ask whether you think this could be a hysterical pregnancy.’_

“You – you think I’m making it up? I – I wouldn’t do that -!”

‘ _I know you wouldn’t, but our relationship was one of absolute love. Neither of us wanted it to end, whilst – at the end – the contraception was called into question, leading you to panic that you may have become pregnant. The mind is a powerful thing. Come now, do you honestly believe that there isn’t the slightest chance this is a result of your fears? You long for us to be an item, but feel there is no way for us to do so, and it is likely_ –’

“O-oh! Thank God! The pregnancy test is negative! It’s negative!”

‘ _You took a test? You must have been worried_.’

Benjamin waved furiously at May to keep quiet. He could see her cheeks puffed out in annoyance that he would lie, but it annoyed him _so much_ to hear Normie dismiss it all as something in his mind! Okay, so Normie would likely be _terrified_ of the consequences, too, especially because they never even discussed whether Normie would want children, whether he was okay with mutants like any potential child would be, or whether he was even _ready_ to have a child, but still . . . Benjamin just wanted _support_ , not _questioning_. He tilted his head back and swallowed hard, as he felt tears rise. The test felt awkward in his pocket.

“Yeah, I was,” admitted Benjamin.

‘ _I did not expect you to take a test, Benji. I did not expect you to frighten me before you even had the results! I must say that I am relieved. You must be too, I imagine? You have a healing factor, so perhaps this is psychological, like your conversion disorder_?’

“M-maybe. I – I – I’m sorry, Normie. I took the test and was waiting for the results -! May got carried away and rang you before the results appeared, b-but hey -! T-that’s good . . . I guess? You wouldn’t have been frightened, if you were – if you were okay with it, so . . . I mean it’s . . . it’s a good thing that I’m not . . . I’m not -. A-anyway -! Like you say, it’s probably all been in my head. I’m glad you’re so relieved, sorry about . . . this.”

‘ _You should have told me sooner. Still, that is an absolute relief. I told you that there was nothing to fear, did I not? Do feel free to take another test, if you’re uncertain about the accuracy. If anything else urgent appears, please inform me at once, but in the meantime . . . I imagine you will wish to celebrate the good news. Farewell for now_?’

“Er, yeah, goodbye, Normie. Sorry for worrying you.”

‘ _Not at all. Goodbye, Benji_.’

He hung up at once and drew in a deep sigh. It was hard to look away from the screen, although he feared that Normie would only block May’s number after such a disaster, and he _prayed_ that Normie didn’t think this emotional manipulation of some sort. He didn’t mean to play with Normie’s emotions, but he _did_ mean to tell him and -! _Shit_ , how _could_ he tell him? He – he certainly couldn’t tell him _now_ , as that would mean admitting to lying, but he _needed_ to lie because Normie so obviously didn’t believe the child could exist, as if he were purposely in denial about the possibility, and he didn’t want to ruin Normie’s life with a child that he didn’t want! He didn’t know what to do. He felt so lost . . .

May looked so _disappointed_ with him, as she looked sadly in his direction, and sat cross-legged in expectation of an explanation. He merely shrugged and handed her back her phone, which she took and shoved into a spot between the sofa cushions, as her shoulders slumped and her back arched forward, and she seemed nearly as despondent as he felt, only without anything to say to make it better for either of them. It was Wes that broke the silence, as he gave a subtle cough and rubbed circles on May’s back lightly.

“You lied to him,” Wes said quietly.

“I had to,” said Benjamin. “What choice did I have?”

“Hey, I think I hear Dad back,” said May. “Want to talk about this upstairs?”

Benjamin heard a car pull up into their drive, as he looked over his shoulder out of the window, where he saw a familiar car pull up and there father climb out. He winced a little to see Peter looking so pale and tired, and he knew that the treatment had been rough on him, but not nearly as rough as the nausea that he endured most days, to the point that he would likely soon need to stop work altogether. He would do _anything_ to take away that pain, if he could. Benjamin never really saw his dad as just another man before, as a human being, but to see him so fragile and broken . . . it reminded him that Peter _was_ human.

“No, it’s fine, we’re done talking,” said Benjamin.

The door soon opened to reveal Peter, who rubbed his neck as if to work out an ache, and when he turned – with a forced smile and a relaxed demeanour – Benjamin actually felt ten times lighter than he previously felt. It would have made him feel better to see Wade, who had an uncanny ability to hide all his pain and make you smile just seeing him, as if he just exuded happiness from every pore, but Peter was always so in control and tried to weigh things up in an unbiased manner, and that’s what he _needed_ at that moment.

Peter put his things away, before he leaned against the banister of the stairwell and looked out into the living room, where Wes turned his head and May returned to leaning against the back of the sofa, as she gave a big wave and smiled brightly. It was nice to see her perk up, but he envied their close relationship. It sometimes felt like they were always so attuned, even when they argued, and she was always the one that Peter worried about and fussed about, so that he gave a long sigh when Peter’s smile brightened on seeing her. He didn’t head into the living room, but he did look around and was aware enough to know _something_ was wrong.

“What are you kids hiding?” Peter asked.

“Nothing,” said Benjamin. “May’s still not dressed, though.”

May shot him a dark look and spat out her tongue, which made him laugh and pull the same expression back, but – instead of telling her off – Peter merely smiled weakly and scratched at his head through his hair. It was worrying that he wouldn’t say a word, especially when he was nearly as talkative as their dad most of the time, and Benjamin wondered whether their time with him was limited, just as he wondered whether Peter would ever get to meet his grandchild, and Benjamin looked away in shame. He couldn’t assume the worst.

“Hey, are you okay, Dad?”

“I’m fine,” replied Peter. “Normie and Tony pooled their research, but they haven’t found a cure that’s effective enough for my stage . . . I think I need to lie down for a while, process the information. Er, don’t say anything to your pops, okay? He’s devastated enough; I don’t want him worrying needlessly about something that can’t be changed. Let him live with hope for a little while longer. Don’t worry, I’ll be down soon.”

“Do you need anything, Dad?” May asked. “Benjamin was just saying that we should head out for some food. We were just going to talk for a bit and hang out, but we could bring you back some takeout or something! Benji’s treat, totally!”

“N-no, I just need to sleep, but thank you, May.”

“Anytime, Dad,” she said sadly.

They watched as Peter made his way upstairs. He was limping slightly on the prosthetic leg, which Benjamin rarely remembered seeing his father do before, as he always seemed to have such great control over himself that it was easy to _forget_ he missed a leg. Still, once they heard the bedroom door close, they all seemed to heave a sigh of collective relief, although the sadness was hard to break, as it lingered like a thick cloud around him. Benjamin swung his legs around to sit upright properly, as he scratched at his neck nervously.

“He looks worse,” said Wes.

“Yeah,” replied Benjamin. “I have no idea how I’m going to tell him.”

“You could wait a few weeks? I don’t know how treatments like his work, Benjamin, but maybe – once he’s back on his feet – he’ll be stronger enough to talk about it properly. In the meantime, you always have May and me to talk to. I hope that helps?”

Benjamin smiled weakly and gave a nod. He _dreaded_ Wade’s reaction in particular, just as he wondered whether they would make him tell Normie sooner rather than later, and he _hated_ the thought this could put extra stress on his already ill father. It was clear that May was planning on getting dressed and talking about this further, but he didn’t feel emotionally able to discuss it further at that moment. He sighed and cricked his neck, whilst May gave a sad smile of her own and tried to look strong. It was difficult to read her expression.

“Just tell him soon, okay?” May asked.

“I promise,” said Benjamin.

 

 


	5. Chapter Five

# Chapter Five

Benjamin felt his heart break.

The paper on the table felt cold to the touch. The ink stained his fingers, as he couldn’t bring himself to lift his hand away from the text below, and already a painful sweat seemed to cover every inch of his skin. It was difficult to look away, which only made the pain _so_ much worse, because every glance was a reminder of the brutal truth . . . it was almost masochistic in a way, like watching a tragedy unfold or an accident take place, and he _hated_ himself for looking. He _hated_ himself for letting it get this far.

He sat down at the dining room table, where he pulled the paper towards him with a shaking hand, and swallowed hard to hold back a cry. _Okay, calm down, Benji_. It took all his strength to close to his eyes for a brief moment, as he forced back the tears. The house felt so quiet about this time of day . . . May was probably at school, whilst Wade and Peter would be having breakfast in bed, and Benjamin wasn’t due at work for a few hours, but somehow -? The quiet made it so much _worse_! There were no distractions, just as there was no one about him to talk to about – about – about _this_! He felt his heart race wildly in his chest, as his mouth ran dry, and he -! He wanted to _scream_ , but how could he?

Norman Harold Osborn was dating Brenda Drago.

The photograph was taken in a restaurant. It – it was heartbreaking to see, because they never had any real dates . . . he almost _hated_ this woman, because she was able to have the kind of relationship with Normie that the two of them only _dreamed_ about. Still, Benjamin could remember the mornings spent together in bed, just eating takeout or laughing over coffee, or the mornings spent in Normie’s kitchen with Benjamin complaining about it being early, as Normie leaned over the counter to kiss his nose. A _really_ petty part of Benjamin felt glad that _he_ had such intimacy with Normie, whilst the woman had only superficial dinners.

‘ _Yo, Benji, you’re up early_!’

He glanced up to see Wade dressed in an old sweatshirt and jeans, as he leaned against the archway in the kitchen with a smile. Across the living room – at the bottom of the stairs with a large yawn – was Peter, who was dressed in a loose shirt and pair of boxers, complete with bed-hair and very flushed skin. Peter blushed a fiery red when he saw Benjamin. In a matter of seconds, he seemed to run upstairs and returned downstairs in an ankle-length dressing gown and a very abashed expression. Benjamin shook his head with an amused smile.

“Thought I was out, huh?” Benjamin asked.

“Nah, I thought you were still asleep,” said Wade. “Not like you to be up before eleven! _Ha_! The last time you were up before eleven -! Well, that’s way too depressing for a morning like this, so let’s keep smiling, eh? Hey, kiddo, you look sad. What’s up?”

“Wade, did you – er – throw the paper out?” Peter asked.

Wade rolled his eyes, as Peter slowly walked around him into the kitchen. It was almost amusing to watch his dad use his hand to mimic a mouth moving, whilst he mumbled some words childishly under his breath, but it was then that Wade saw the paper on the table and blanched considerably. Peter rolled his eyes and snatched the paper from Benjamin, before he marched over to the bin to dispose of it a little too violently. It didn’t help Benjamin feel better in the least. The sight of Normie with another person broke his heart, but the sight of Normie at all . . . it made him feel an ache of longing. He loved Normie . . .

“Well, it’s gone now, isn’t it?” Wade asked.

“It’s too late now, Wade!” Peter sat down next to Benjamin. “Look, it’s one thing to keep those yoghurts of yours until they’ve enough bacteria to evolve legs, but _this_ is something completely different! You don’t even _read_ the society pages, anyway!”

“ _Exactly!_ I don’t _read_ them! How am I supposed to _remember_ to throw the pages, when I don’t even _look_ at the pages! Hey . . . ‘page’ is a funny word to say over and over, ever notice that, Petey? Page, page, page . . . where was I? Oh yeah! I was clearing up the table, which is a _way_ boring job, so I went upstairs for a break, and there you were looking all sexy and stuff in bed, so I – I -! I forgot . . . what were we talking about again?”

“Never mind,” said Peter. “Just forget it, okay?”

“Done and done!”

Peter rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. It sometimes amazed him that his parents stayed together for as long as they did, but he would gladly admit that he didn’t know what went on behind closed doors – which he was _more_ than grateful about – so perhaps there was something more there than he was aware. There were times like these where they seemed disconnected, true, but there were also times when they would look at each other with such _love_ and _passion_ , that it felt like they were each other’s world, like nothing else mattered.

It was a relationship that he always strove to attain, and – in a way – he always felt that he held something like that with Normie. He remembered that their bickering was often based out of respect or frustration borne of two equals, just as he loved having someone that _was_ his equal and that _did_ understand, and . . . above all else . . . there was _love_. How – how could Normie date someone else? It was just two months since the break-up! Two months! O-okay, so there weren’t a couple and he couldn’t expect Normie to live his life on hold, plus it wasn’t as though he knew about the pregnancy, so – so maybe he was being unreasonable, but he . . . he couldn’t _bear_ the thought of Normie with someone else!

“Hey, don’t worry kid,” said Wade. “Bastard doesn’t deserve you!”

Wade dropped down into a seat opposite him, where he wore a smile that was equal parts sadness and relief. He knew it must have been hard for Wade . . . he knew that his dad _hated_ seeing him so depressed, just as he would give the world to see him smile again, but he couldn’t bring himself to condone a relationship with someone that he _knew_ hurt Benjamin so deeply. It was enough to almost make Benjamin want to remind his dad that people _could_ change, just as _Wade_ changed, too, but what good would it do now? It was over.

“How are you feeling, Benjamin?” Peter asked.

“Replaceable,” snapped Benjamin. “I – I know _I_ was the one to end it, but I – I didn’t think that he would -! I . . . I know he can’t put his life on hold, but I -! I always thought we would get back together, you know? Instead he’s out eating with _her_? _Fuck_! Am I – am I that forgettable? It’s just been two months! Is – is that normal? How long did it take for you to date Dad after you and Aunt MJ broke up? Am I supposed to be over this by now?”

“You don’t have to be shit, Benji!” Wade cried out. “You just got to be yourself! Fuck, I had exes that messed me up pretty good, one guy really messed with my head, but I had others that I forgot as soon as the alcohol wore off! There’s no set of rules for this kind of thing! You just go with what feels natural for you, that’s all!”

“Okay, so – so what does it mean when – when for me . . . it – it was n-natural to grieve for the relationship, it’s natural to still _want_ him, but he -! How can he even _look_ at anyone else? How can that be natural for him? Am I . . . am I really so -?”

“You’re absolutely perfect, Benjamin,” said Peter. “Don’t doubt yourself.”

“How can I _not_? Look at her! She’s – she’s _gorgeous_!”

“Cuter they are, worse the lay,” joked Wade.

Peter sent a dark glare to Wade, one that chilled Benjamin to see. He wondered whether it was because Wade was making inappropriate comments in front of him, or whether it was because Peter took it as an insult, but Wade at once went pale and raised his hands in mock surrender. It made Benjamin smile a little, even as his father flushed red with anger and crossed his arms across his chest. Wade seemed to shrink in on himself, as he scratched the flakes of skin on his head and flapped his hand wildly, almost as if he could waft his comment away like a bad smell. Peter let out a long hiss of breath.

“Is that right?” Peter snapped.

“Not you, baby boy! You’re the exception to the rule!”

“Right, anyway,” said Peter. “Your pops _aside_ , I was _trying_ to say that Normie’s actions aren’t an indictment of you. It might be that he’s trying to forget, especially if he’s as hurt by the break-up as you feel, and maybe he thinks moving on will help the pain to pass.”

“Yeah, plus, maybe it’s business or something!” Wade chirped in. “I had dinner with plenty of guys, but I wasn’t sleeping with most of them! Just business, you know? Well, actually, I guess Petey was the exception to that, because we ate together a lot, but that was _way_ before he felt anything sexual or romantic for me! It could be anything, Benji! Papers _always_ make these things worse than they actually are. How much worse could it be, right?”

“R-right, about that,” stuttered Benjamin. “I-it can get worse . . . it’s a _lot_ worse, b-but I need you to – to _not_ freak out until I’ve told you everything, okay? I – er – did something a while back, right when we broke up, and I – ah – t-told May and s-she said I need to tell you, which I know I do, but I -! D-don’t freak out? P-please?”

“Hey, freak out over what? You’re the best behaved kid I’ve got!”

“Ellie would disagree,” said Peter. “I know I would.”

“Ah, hell with that! What’s up, Benji?”

He swallowed hard and felt his eyes water. The idea that they could be disappointed in him was a _devastating_ realisation, especially because they always viewed him as the one they could depend upon, and he was scared to see the looks in their eyes when he told them, just as much as he was scared that they would make him tell Normie. How – how could he tell Normie now? Normie was dating someone else and probably happy! O-oh God, if he _told_ Normie, he would probably think it a lie to break him and _Brenda_ up and -! No, he had to do this _one thing at a time_ , which meant telling his parents. He drew in a deep breath and said:

“I’m . . . pregnant.”

The silence in the kitchen was almost palpable, so that Benjamin forced himself to look down and was too afraid to look up. He could hear how Wade’s breath sped up so that he sounded like he was hyperventilating, just as he heard Peter let out a shuddered breath and ran a hand over his face, and Benjamin could only swallow hard and wrap his arms around himself, as a tear fell and dropped onto the kitchen table. He didn’t want to cry, but it was hard to anything else . . . he lost Normie, but now he risked losing his parents’ respect, too.

It felt so cold within the kitchen. He was still dressed only in an old pair of bottoms and a t-shirt, so that his bare feet felt like ice and his body felt rather numb, but the baggy nightclothes did successfully hide the growing lump, although how long before he would be unable to hide it entirely? It wasn’t as if he and Normie mixed in the same circles, though, and ‘Spider-Pool’ wasn’t so popular or important a superhero that the people would miss him, and Spider-Girl could cover his side of the work easily. He drew in a deep breath, as he realised the _moral_ ramifications of keeping it secret, and caught the scent of coffee and pancakes still in the air. He felt the tears rise, as he knew he had to do _something_.

“Tell me you’re fucking joking,” snapped Wade.

Benjamin used the back of his hand to wipe away the tears. He shook his head sadly and heard Wade’s chair pushed back noisily, with the wood on tiles sounding like nails on a chalkboard, so that a Benjamin shuddered uncomfortably. The fury that Wade felt was beyond obvious, to the extent that – as Benjamin sneaked a peek – he saw his dad’s hands clenched so tightly on the table that his knuckles were white, and it clearly took all his self-control not to lash out or storm away. Eventually Wade said very sternly:

“He force you to do it?”

“W-what? No. No!” Benjamin looked up in horror. “Is – is that why you’re -? It was _completely_ consensual, I swear! A-actually, it was m-my fault. I snuck out of the house the night we broke up; I went to Normie’s place and we . . . d-did things. The – the thing is that I was fooling around with the contraception earlier on, kind of thought that it would be a good idea, only I came around and realised how stupid I was and I -! I think I accidentally picked up one of the bad ones, because it came off midway through, and I -! _I’m so scared, Pops!_ ”

“Whoa! Hold up there! First of all, you have nothing to be scared about! Your dad and I swore to protect you three kids no matter what! Plus, any kid of yours is a grandkid of mine, which kind of makes it my problem, too! Secondly, I have to do something real quick!”

“W-what? I thought we going to talk about – _ouch! What the fuck_?”

“Serves you right, ass-munch!”

Wade jumped over the table with great skill. In fact, Benjamin was still admiring the jump when a closed fist struck him over his head, knocking him forward and causing him to quickly grab onto the table for balance. The punch _really_ hurt, even with his healing factor. _Fuck_ , it was also the first time that Wade ever laid a hand on him aggressively, outside of occasional play-fights or teasing pokes and slaps, and he couldn’t help other than to glare up at his dad in confusion and anger, as he nursed the back of his head.

“Why did you hit me?”

“Okay, well, one; it distracted you from being all sad, right?” Wade lifted one finger to count off his list. “Then, B; you totally had it coming! Kids are a _huge_ responsibility! Trust me! I ran from that responsibility, then had it catch up with me, and all three of you kids were accidents one way or another, but all three were way my fault! No condom, spell gone wrong, and mixing the wrong kind of lube with the wrong kind of condom . . . anyway, my point -!

“My point is that – even though I never planned for you guys – you guys gave me hope! You were the best things to ever happen to me, so I can’t even picture life without any of you! If anything bad happened to you guys, I think I’d go back to being that scary guy before Petey came along, because I _need_ you three in my life! So -! So -! So _yeah_ , it’s normal to be scared, but don’t be _too_ scared, because the second you accept you’re a dad -! You’ll be the _happiest_ guy in the universe, I swear! I love you, Benji! I just know you’ll love the new kid, too! So, don’t be too scared, but -! Where was I? I forget?”

“Responsibility,” Peter prompted.

“Oh yeah! Wait, why am I giving this lecture? I’d blame the writer, but the fourth wall thing and all – _okay, okay, don’t look at me like that_!” Wade scratched his head in confusion. “I’m _also_ saying that the reward is as great as the work, I guess? I mean it’s huge work! You’re going to have to pay for food and diapers and college! Plus, the waking up in the night is rough, too, not to mention when you vomited in my mouth! Yuck! Never bounce a baby after feeding! You’re supposed to be the _mature_ one, Benji boy! You know how hard it’ll be?”

“Your pops is right,” said Peter. “I expected _better_ of you. You’ll be giving up a _huge_ part of your life to raise this child, if you choose to keep it. How could you act so _recklessly_ without considering the consequences? Not to mention, did you even _think_ about Normie and -?”

“Who cares about Normie?” Wade muttered. “Benjamin’s what’s important!”

“Yes, but it’s _Normie’s_ child. Does he even _know_ about this?”

“N-no,” admitted Benjamin. “He doesn’t.”

He thought about how his actions hurt Normie. It wasn’t Normie’s choice to have a child, just as he _tried_ to be safe and _wanted_ to remain in Benjamin’s life, and – even when he had the chance to tell him – he _lied_ to Normie! It – it felt like a violation of the worst kind, as if he used Normie and now kept the consequences from him, even when it would change his entire life, but -! _That was the problem!_ How could he turn Normie’s world upside-down like that, _knowing_ that Normie never wanted it in the first place? This – this wasn’t Normie’s fault . . .

It was unfair to make Normie suffer for his mistake. Benjamin placed his hands on the table, as he watched them tremble, and it felt – in a strange way – that they no longer belonged to him, as if his body belonged to someone else . . . he felt dizzy . . . the world felt as if it were spinning, but the sheer _pain_ in his chest was too much to endure. It – it was difficult to breathe, as he couldn’t get past the guilt of what he did or the fear about what to do next, and suddenly . . . the tears came. He felt Peter wrap his arms around him, as Wade knelt on the other side and ruffled his hair, but he couldn’t stop crying! He couldn’t!

“I-I’m s-so sorry! I’m so sorry, Dad!”

“Hey, _hey_ , it’s okay, Benjamin. We’re here for you,” said Peter. “We can discuss about Normie later, but _first_ we need to know what we’re going to do. You need to know that you have _options_ ; there’s having this child, yes, but there’s also adoption and abortion.”

“N-no! God no! I – I – I couldn’t! I – I want to keep it . . . please?”

Peter let out a loud laugh, as he held Benjamin tighter. He couldn’t see Wade’s reaction, because Peter kept his kept pressed against his father’s shoulder, which was equally as reassuring as it was frustrating. He wanted to look around, to see whether he’d made the right or wrong choice, but he didn’t want to push Peter away, not least because it felt _good_ to be held and told everything would be okay. The laughter could be felt through Peter’s chest, and Benjamin realised he would miss times like these. He would miss his father.

“You don’t need my permission,” said Peter. “It’s your body.”

“Y-yeah, but – but I -! Am I making the right choice, Dad? Is this right?”

“If it’s the right choice for _you_ ,” said Peter, “then it’s the _right_ choice. I just laughed out of relief, because you _know_ what you want. I envy you for that. You’re a good man, Benjamin, and you’ll have our support no matter what, but now we need to _talk_ about keeping it, because that’s going to entail a _lot_ of work. You’ll also need to tell Normie eventually, which means working out custody and visitation . . . this won’t be easy.”

“It’s not all bad,” interrupted Wade. “You passed your Regents and have a good job with Stark! Hell, we can change Ellie’s old room into a nursery easily! Preston’s family are across the road, you got us here -! It’ll be fine, Benji! Free babysitting service on your doorstep!”

“Wade, I’m _sick_ ,” said Peter. “He can’t rely on us for help all the time.”

“We’ll make it work! Be positive!”

Wade beamed brightly, as Peter gently let go of Benjamin. It was enough to make Benjamin smile in turn, as he sniffled and felt Peter reach across to wipe away his tears, and he felt their love even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. Wade jumped onto the edge of the table, where he started poking Benjamin in the chest with his foot, whilst Peter rolled his eyes and sent his husband a deathly glare, and Benjamin laughed nervously at it all. He lowered a hand to briefly rest on his stomach. There was a slight swelling, but nothing too noticeable.

“You must be around two months,” muttered Peter.

“Y-yeah, nearly exactly,” he replied. “W-we only – we only did that kind of thing twice, but only one of those times I . . . er . . . you know? I – I guess that makes dating the pregnancy easier, because I know the exact date, but I . . . he – he doesn’t know.”

“I _really_ think you need to tell him, Benjamin. This child is a part of _both_ of you, one that he will have _rights_ to, and keeping it from him . . . it’s beyond a betrayal, it’s something that he might not be able to forgive, because time wasted is time gone. He won’t ever get back the time with his child that was lost . . . just – just think about it, okay? This is important for your child, too, because they _need_ to know where they come from. They have rights, too.”

“I – I – I know, but I -!” Benjamin shook his head. “I know he wanted kids _eventually_ , but I have _no_ idea when or how many or even -! I have no idea whether he wanted them with _me_. I – I mean . . . I think he did, because he said only a biological child could inherit the company, something with how the inheritance was set out by his father and grandfather, and he was interested in how – er – my biology worked. Still, I don’t know if he realised that the child would be a _mutant_ , because – because -! I don’t know, Dad!

“It might have been something we could hide, the way you guys did, but I – I don’t think I can _do_ that! I mean . . . saying Normie is the biological parent, so they can inherit, that would mean sacrificing _my_ rights and trusting that Normie would still let me be a part of their life, but saying it’s _our_ child also means admitting to the world they’re a mutant and so am I! Either way, it feels like a _huge_ sacrifice. Oh God, but the worst part -? If I admit that Normie is the father, _everyone_ will know _I’m_ a mutant and that _May_ is a mutant and -! W-what kinds of danger will that put everyone in? If I pretend to just be the father, say the mother left them to me, we’ll be safe, but . . . Normie wouldn’t have any -!

“I – I don’t know what to _do_ ,” admitted Benjamin. “If I tell him _now_ , he’ll just think I’m trying to split him and that _Brenda_ apart! W-what if he thinks I’m after his money? I – I might even -! B-Brenda can have kids, right? He – he might decide that he’d rather have a non-mutant child with her, than one with me, and what if he _rejects_ us? I couldn’t – I couldn’t _deal_ with that! I just couldn’t! I know I shouldn’t think the worst, but I _have_ to, Dad!”

“I know,” said Peter. “You have to be prepared for the worst, because you aren’t thinking about yourself any longer . . . you’re thinking about the baby that depends upon you. I _promise_ you that we’ll talk about _all_ of this and work out some solutions.”

“Still say nothing wrong with being a mutant,” Wade muttered.

“There isn’t,” said Benjamin, “but tell the world that!”

He thought back to his time at school. It was hard to explain why bruises and cuts would disappear so quickly, to the extent that he often kept plasters and bandages at hand to _pretend_ that he was still healing, whilst on one _terrifying_ occasion he used his webbing on instinct, which another student saw. He remembered the screams and being grateful his hood was up and that he could run quickly, just as he remembered the rumours and witch-hunt that followed for weeks after. Mutants did _not_ have it easy at all.

There was just something so _terrifying_ about bringing a child into that, whilst – if he sent them to school at the Xavier Institute – he would have to say goodbye to them for big chunks of the year, which was something he could _never_ do. Still, forging a life for them as a ‘normal’ person would be hard, as his parents knew when they did so for him, and he wondered whether he could _do_ that, because it meant either himself or Normie giving up their rights as a biological parent, instead pretending that their child was borne of some heterosexual union of two normal humans. What was more important: their rights as a family or the child’s right to a normal life? He was scared to make that choice.

“I guess we have a lot to talk about,” he said.

“We do,” said Peter. “You have our full support, though. I can’t ground you, because – for better or worse – you’re eighteen now, but you can expect a full lecture later. What you did is _beyond_ irresponsible, but . . . let’s focus on working things out first, okay?”

“Thanks, Dad. That means a lot to me, honestly.”

“We’ve got your back!” Wade chirped.

He rubbed lightly at his stomach, as he tried so hard not to think about the photograph in the paper, in which Normie was so clearly with another person . . . it was possible that Normie was just trying to move on, but what if he _did_ have feelings for her? Benjamin felt a horrible sense of dread that his child could be some forgotten illegitimate child, whilst Normie and that _Brenda_ had a ‘real’ family together, and – even though he _knew_ Normie cherished family and would love his child, especially not having a father of his own – Benjamin still felt _afraid_ of that potential rejection. He already felt rejected knowing Normie had moved on!

They sat somewhat quietly beside him, as Wade occasionally muttered that Normie was ‘dead’ when he saw him, and Peter rubbed light circles on his back and told him to ‘wait for the morning sickness’. It was then that Wade tried to touch his stomach, which Peter swatted away, and the two began to bicker about whether it was ‘appropriate’ to touch his stomach without permission, which caused Benjamin to laugh. They made it feel so _natural_ , even when his would was falling to pieces. They made him feel _safe_.

“I love you guys,” he said sadly.

“We love you, too.”

 

 


	6. Chapter Six

** Chapter Six **

“Come on, not you again!”

The receptionist barely raised an eyebrow in response. Instead, she let her green eyes barely look up from her screen, even as a perfectly manicured finger paused momentarily upon her mouse, and – with a subtle eye-roll – she immediately returned to her work. It was clear that she didn’t let his exclamation bother her at all, almost as if he were nothing more than a buzzing fly that would eventually remove itself from her presence, and he _almost_ wondered whether she was a robot. Hell, even her _hair_ was in the exact same plait as last time.

He didn’t feel as self-conscious this time, but he _did_ wonder whether his hooded-top hid the growing belly from sight. It was surprisingly difficult to hide, even at only three months, and he wondered whether his father showed this much, because he _really_ needed advice on how best to keep the child secret for a while longer. Benjamin put his hands into the front pockets, in an attempt to try and keep the fabric as loose as possible, but it only made it look as if he were trying to smuggle something in, and – in all honesty – that was probably the _worst_ way he could look. He half-expected to get stopped by security any moment now.

It felt cold in the reception to Oscorp Tower, so that he wanted to wrap his arms around himself tight, but he felt so _afraid_ that it might draw more attention to his stomach or make his clothes too tight around him. He glanced around to see that there were a few more security cameras and guards than last time, but that made sense when Wade almost _killed_ Normie in an absolute rage only half-a-year ago, and Benjamin felt a twinge of guilt that his father could have done something like that. He _hoped_ Normie would be available.

“I need to speak with Normie,” said Benjamin.

“You mean _Mister_ Osborn, correct? He is not available.”

“Okay, well, that’s funny. He was _always_ available to see me before. I used to spend every _lunch-break_ here! I was even the one to buy your fucking card for Secretaries Day before Normie and me broke up! Want to tell me _why_ he can’t bloody well see me?”

“I am under strict instructions not to allow a one ‘Benjamin Winston Parker’ entry.”

“Oh, this is complete bullshit! Tell him it’s an emergency and -!”

‘ _Tanya, Benjamin is with me_.’

Benjamin turned to see a middle-aged woman. He found himself stunned a little, as she was far more beautiful than anyone he knew in real-life, and the artistic part of him already began to mentally design clothes for her, as she had the perfect body type that was so easy to work with as a designer. Hell, if he were the least bit inclined towards women, he might have found himself blushing on the sight of her . . . actually, he could already feel his cheeks heat up. It felt a little inappropriate to stare at someone for so long, even if it were aesthetically only.

The lady had shoulder-length blonde hair, which looked a sort of messy-chic, only the kind of ‘messy’ that was intentional and not the kind of laziness that Benjamin’s was usually caused by, and her blue eyes were _terrifyingly_ familiar. He would have found them comforting at any other time, but they looked _so_ much like Normie’s that it only reminded him of all the things he lost since their break-up. The brown pencil-skirt clung to her legs well, whilst her pink blouse and white bolero jacket made her look so much younger than her years, and yet she looked so _nervous_! It was enough to make him look away with a blush. He – he hoped that _he_ wasn’t the one to make her look so uncertain, but he daren’t ask the question aloud.

“Ms Nelson,” said _Tanya_. “Your son’s orders specifically stated –”

“Tell my son that he can take it up with _me_ , if he has a problem,” replied the older woman. “I already have a list of things to discuss with him, but – if he wants to forbid _my_ entry, also – I am more than happy to add to that list. Mr Parker is with _me_.”

“Very well, Ms Nelson, I’ll inform Mr Osborn at once.”

“Thank you very much.”

It was then – as she turned with a shy smile – Benjamin recognised her. He remembered seeing photographs of her about Normie’s office and bedroom, which were the only two places he personalised and allowed non-essential items, and he remembered how he was supposed to meet with her for the first time the day that they came out to his parents. It felt strange to him to meet Liz Allan Nelson, formerly Osborn, under these circumstances, but stranger still that they could have already _known_ each other were it not for the break-up.

Liz nodded her head at him, before she jerked it in the direction of the lift. It was strange to see her deal with the receptionist so firmly and confidently, only to look at him so nervously and with such uncertainty, and he couldn’t help but to wonder which of the two personas was the act and which was real. He blushed a little more, as he realised that maybe – just _maybe_ – both were real . . . after all, there were times when he was more confident than others, and he thought that he saw a part of himself when he looked at her. Benjamin followed behind her with his head low, although he pressed a hand to his stomach through the fabric of his top. He felt a little better knowing his child was so close.

“You’ll have to forgive Tanya,” said Liz. “My son always hires the worst receptionists. It seems that he thinks ‘the face of the company’ means a pleasant looking person, but he forgets that what people remember most on first experience is personality. I was actually very surprised when I first saw the photographs of you . . . you seem so against his type.”

“Only one chance for a first impression,” Benjamin muttered.

“Right, but let me tell you that _you_ make one _heck_ of an impression,” Liz teased. “Not being his type isn’t a _bad_ thing! Oh, I would never say this to Normie, but my current husband is _far_ different to my previous one, and I have never been happier! I think Normie is one of many people to confuse what he _wants_ with what he _needs_ , and sometimes I fear that’s my fault, but what he _needs_ is someone like you. I guess the question is whether _you_ need _him_.”

Benjamin blanched a little at the question. The elevator doors closed shut behind them, which left him only with a television screen in the corner of the news, along with views of each floor that they passed, and he used the visual distraction to think of an answer. It was so _difficult_ , because he _loved_ Normie so very much and wanted nothing more than to be a part of his life, but he also knew that – no – he didn’t _need_ Normie as such, because . . . well . . . since the break-up he realised what he needed most was his _family_. They didn’t leave him even through the worst, unlike Normie that insisted on a ‘break’, and yet he knew that it wasn’t really Normie’s fault . . . not really . . . Benjamin was one to make it a break- _up_.

He felt so _conflicted_! It was easy to deny all his feelings, to pretend that he didn’t need Normie, because Normie was the one moving on . . . it was difficult to see photographs of Brenda Drago in the papers and _not_ resent her. It – it felt as if she were _stealing_ Normie away, even when he knew that he was being unreasonable, especially when she probably didn’t even know of his existence! He drew in a deep breath and rubbed at his stomach, as he thought about all they _could_ have and how so much stood in the way!

“I – I don’t know,” admitted Benjamin. “I just know I love him.”

“That makes me so happy to hear!” Liz brushed a lock of hair back. “I shouldn’t be saying this, but Harry always did say I was a bit of a gossip, but Normie still has feelings for you. I think you’re the first person he’s ever actually _fallen_ for and it’s so heart-warming to see!”

“Y-yeah, that’s all well and good, but I -! I _saw_ the newspapers, Liz! I _see_ him in them every fucking day and I -! How – how am I supposed to believe he loves me too, when just _three months_ on and he’s been dating that –” Benjamin drew in a breath “– _woman_. They’ve been together _everywhere_! It’s – it’s as if – as if I didn’t even -!”

“Matter? You matter, Benjamin, you matter!” Liz gave a sad pout. “It feels strange to be having this conversation with you, especially when we’ve never officially met, but I _hate_ seeing my son so depressed! Do you know what it’s like to see someone die? I thought so many times that I was seeing Normie die, but each suicide attempt followed another, and then he met _you_. I’ve never _seen_ him with such hope! You were _good_ for him.”

Benjamin removed his hands from his pocket, so that he could wrap them around himself, as he drew in a staggered breath and collapsed back against the glass of the elevator. It felt cool even through the fabric of his top, just as it gave him a sense of stability and something firm to rest against, and he used that moment to ground himself. He didn’t want to tell her that he _had_ once saw someone die, just as he tried to kill himself in the past too, but that only made him feel for her all the more, especially when now he would have a child of his own, and the idea of them suffering as Normie suffered was unbearable. He swallowed hard.

“I was scared that he would hurt himself again,” said Liz. “Your break-up was so hard on him, but he was so _adamant_ on trying to hide it. I spent so many nights in his apartment, essentially on suicide watch, and then came Brenda. Well, she’s a lovely girl, I will admit, but I hear she has a dark past, and he is stable with her, but . . . I feel he’s dating her out of distraction. It’s as if the faster they move, the faster he’ll be over you!”

“E-exactly! How can he have ever _loved_ me, if he’s into her so quickly! W-why does he _want_ to be over me, if he’s so in love with me? Why am I so . . . forgettable?” Benjamin raised a hand to wipe away a tear. “God, I _hate_ these mood swings. They drive me insane!”

“Mine didn’t kick in until I was around five months.”

“Er – I – ah -! What . . .?”

Liz winked at him and left the elevator. Benjamin stood simply staring after her, as his hand strayed to his stomach and rested against it lightly, and he blinked over and over in shock over what she implied. He – he thought that he was _subtle_ about it, especially when the lump wasn’t even on display and only his family knew! Hell, Tony wasn’t even giving him maternity leave, but instead labelled it a ‘sabbatical’ so that the information couldn’t even leak out that way! He stood for so long that the doors began to close.

Benjamin quickly shot out his hand to stop the doors, before he stumbled out onto Normie’s floor, where Liz turned and signalled him to follow. He struggled to keep up, even as he admired how she could walk so quickly in such high heels, and eventually they reached the doors to Normie’s office, where Liz dismissed the two security guards outside and took a seat on a bench just next to the wall. It was comfortable enough, with a potted plant on either side, and it overlooked a window onto some of the lower floors, and – were he a client or investor or employee – it would have been given a strange calming effect, but instead he just felt awkward, especially when she patted a spot next to her for him to sit.

It made him wonder why they didn’t just head straight inside, but a part of him thought Liz _may_ have had an appointment to see her own son, and decided to wait for the precise time. A television in a corner above the right door was tuned into the news, with subtitles beneath talking about the latest social events, with Tony Stark’s latest date and Sam Wilson’s contributions to war veterans being first and foremost, and – for a while – he almost lost himself in the news. Still, the _fear_ that Liz _knew_ something -! He felt his heart race rapidly, as he struggled to swallow, and – eventually – he asked the important question:

“H-how – how did – did you – y-you -?”

“I was there when you rang him with your scare,” said Liz. “I thought it strange that suddenly the result became negative once he expressed disbelief, but – now I see you – it’s a little obvious. You keep touching your stomach. It’s something I used to do all the time when I was carrying Normie, not to mention I can’t see much reason why you would come back, not now he’s dating someone else . . . you’re here to tell him, aren’t you?”

“I – I don’t know! I _want_ so much to tell him, I honestly do! I – I wish that this wasn’t the first time we had to meet, because – _fuck_ – God knows what you think of me! S-still, I’ve not been able to just _talk_ about this to anyone before, n-not really, and I love my parents – I honestly do – but they just don’t seem to get _why_ I can’t tell him, especially when they _know_ how I love him, and I -! I don’t know . . . I’m – I’m scared it’s going to seem like I _want_ something, at least something _more_ than him like money or whatever . . .

“I also don’t want him to think I did this on purpose,” said Benjamin. “Oh God, what if he thinks I’m making it up to split him and Brenda apart? He – he’s dating her, so he obviously _likes_ her, and what if he actually likes her more than me or has fallen in love with her? It – it can’t just be a time-pass! I – I didn’t start dating people to forget Normie, but then I could never forget Normie . . . I – I made love to him _because_ I loved him, not to manipulate him or hurt him or to get pregnant! I didn’t want to tie myself to him _this_ way, because what if he _resents_ me for it? _Shit_! What if he loves her and I’m just -?”

There was a long moment of silence, but Liz reached out to touch his shoulder. He appreciated the touch, even as he winced and withdrew into himself, and he raised his legs to place his feet on the edge of the bench. It would be difficult soon to wrap his arms around himself, like he often did when anxiety struck, but he wondered whether he would mourn the habit or instead feel grateful for the ability to hold onto his stomach, knowing that there was the baby inside him to reassure him. He gave a sad smile and shook his head.

“Are you keeping the baby?” Liz asked.

“Y-yeah, of course! I – I wouldn’t have bothered Normie with it else, but it’s not as though the thought ever crossed my mind anyway . . . it just – it just doesn’t feel _right_ for me. I hope – I hope that doesn’t sound selfish . . . I guess it ought to be Normie’s choice, too?”

“It doesn’t sound selfish at all,” replied Liz. “If you need any help financially, don’t hesitate to ask at all. I would _so_ love to be a part of my grandchild’s life, but I honestly couldn’t do that unless Normie knew . . . I just know he would never forgive me else, whether I’m his mother or not! Well, I can’t wait for him to find out! It’ll give me someone to fuss over. You know that boy seemed to be born twenty, now he seems forty!”

Benjamin laughed weakly. It felt that Liz had a remarkable talent for making him feel at ease, whilst a part of him felt grateful his child would be born into such a loving family, and he smiled at the idea of his child having a grandmother. He never really knew what it meant to have grandparents growing up, with both Peter and Wade’s parents deceased, but he never lacked for loved and support, and – if anything – the lack of an external family only made their immediate family all the closer. Benjamin leaned his head upon his knees.

The television screen flicked to a report about Normie, which caught his attention momentarily, before he looked back to Liz and wished that he could have met her sooner, especially under better circumstances. It was strange to look at her in a way, because he saw so much of Normie in her appearance, except clearly his colouring was taken from his father, and – forgetting his fears – he wondered what his child would get from Normie, and whether the child would be happy with them as parents, too. He felt an odd sense of calmness, as he drew in a deep breath and tried to think about how Normie would react.

“Thank you,” he said. “I feel a little better.”

“Well, I’m glad! Stress isn’t good for a baby,” said Liz. “Everything _you_ feel, the little one will feel too. I’m just glad you’ve come back to make amends, because at least I know that Normie will be happy and have a family . . . I’m not very well, Benjamin. I don’t know how long I have left, but just _knowing_ that my son won’t be alone -! Every mother wants their son to be happy, believe me, and I just _know_ you can make him happy.”

“I honestly don’t know, Liz. He looks so happy with her! They – they’re in restaurants and clubs and museums and -! I – I’ve seen – I’ve seen them in all kinds of places and he’s _always_ got his arms around her! I’m . . . I know . . . I know he must be suffering, because he’s losing you the same way that I’m losing my dad, but -! I _want_ to hold him. I _want_ to tell him that I understand, that I will be there for him, but _she’s_ there and _she’s_ telling him those things, but what does _she_ know? He doesn’t want me! If he did, why be with her?”

“I swear that I’ve never seen him so heartbroken, Benjamin,” whispered Liz. “I don’t know whether he’s trying to save face, but I _honestly_ believe that he’s with her out of distraction only, because it’s _you_ he -! _Oh no_. W-why don’t we talk about this downstairs, hmm? I would suggest coffee, but it’s bad for the little one. Tea, perhaps?”

“Huh? I really think I . . . should . . . tell . . .”

Benjamin looked back at the screen. The report flicked across to a picture of Normie leaning across a table, with a small box in his hand and Brenda laughing, followed by another photograph of her hand close-up with a ring. If that wasn’t clear enough, the headline announced that Norman Harold Osborn and Brenda Drago had officially announced their engagement that very morning. Benjamin felt his feet slide to the floor, as he stood up shakily and felt his body sway unsteadily. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Oh no,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry, Benjamin.”

Liz was on her feet at once, with a hand that covered her mouth and trembled just slightly, but he didn’t see her . . . he couldn’t . . . she hovered on his peripheral vision as he stared at the screen and felt numb to his core. He felt his heart beat like a drum in his chest, whilst his mouth ran dry and a hand came to rest on his stomach, and – as a dizzy spell overcome him – he felt the rejection hit him cold, as if Normie were rejecting their child in the process, even if there was no way to know of their existence. He saw the room spin, as his vision doubled, and Liz was at once upon him to help him remain upright. He struggled to stand.

It took him a long moment to catch his breath. Liz tried to lead him back to the bench as he swayed, but he pushed her away and stumbled a few steps backwards. He raised a hand to his head and felt what was like needles all over his skin, so that his limbs felt as if they belonged to someone else, even as a lump appeared in his throat and nausea began to rise. He – he couldn’t – he couldn’t tell Normie now . . . he couldn’t . . . he couldn’t do this. Benjamin looked to her and saw the fear and sadness in her pale expression, but simply shook his head.

“I – I can’t – I can’t do this,” he whispered.

Benjamin stumbled again, but – as he fell – managed to catch himself against a wall, before he drew in deep and fast breaths. It looked like Liz made to steady him, so he raised a hand to signal for her to stay back, before he staggered away quickly and tried to run to the elevator, where he stabbed the call button over and over and over in desperation. He ran inside when the doors opened, before he collapsed against the glass wall and began to sob. One hand remained upon his stomach, which he stroked lightly in search for reassurance. He hoped his child wouldn’t hate him. He – he couldn’t think about telling Normie, not now . . . the pain was too painful . . . it cut him deep worse than a physical wound.

He couldn’t see through the tears, but he could see the blurred image of Normie upon the television screen, and – as he shot a line of web to the screen to cover it – he knew that he would _never_ forget that image. He wondered whether people would laugh at him, for ever thinking he could be with someone like Normie, and he wondered whether Normie would even _want_ to be a part of his child’s life now, even if Benjamin told him. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that even now . . . did no one want Benjamin? He felt so – so – so _worthless_!

The tears refused to stop when the elevator hit the ground floor.

It was a blessing not to see the looks of those around him.

He knew they pitied him.

 

 


	7. Chapter Seven

# Chapter Seven

Benjamin gave a weak smile.

It was nice to have his sister and her boyfriend with him, as they were both always so optimistic and considerate. He felt – with them by his side – that he was somehow less alone, even if he knew the five-month-old foetus inside him meant he was _never_ alone by default, and it was nice to have someone to _depend_ upon. Wes carried his bags for him, whilst May hooked her arm through his and helped to have him some physical support, and he was grateful for that. He may have only been five months gone, but walking was difficult.

He just _couldn’t_ seem to keep his balance, whilst the baby wouldn’t bloody stop _growing_ , and Preston and his father kept _laughing_ at the fact he was so much bigger than most at his stage, but – considering Bruce _insisted_ the pregnancy was perfectly healthy and progressing well – he _loathed_ the fact that it was so hard to hide! Lately, he rarely went anywhere except home or Stark Tower, out of sheer terror that someone might see his weight gain or realise that he was pregnant, and he wasn’t sure what would be worse for Normie to think. If Normie thought he was overweight, he might think Benjamin was depressed and overeating, but to realise Benjamin was _pregnant_ -? Benjamin shuddered visibly.

“So what did Liz give you?” May asked.

Benjamin cast a brief gaze to her. The autumn wind led to something of a chill, even with the thick coat and knitted jumper, both of which Wade insisted on him wearing . . . it was nice to be fussed over and doted upon, but he was _sure_ the baby wouldn’t be hurt by the _slight_ bit of cold weather! Benjamin shook his head with a smile, as he thought about how protective his dad already felt over his grandchild, and raised a hand to his stomach. The pavement no longer felt as wide when he was twice his usual side, but at least he didn’t have to contend with carrying heavy bags. They were luckily only a few minutes from home.

“Whatever it is,” said Wes, “it’s heavy!”

“Er, that bag is pregnancy books,” replied Benjamin. “The other is old photo albums of Normie as a baby, with some old toys of his that he supposedly loved, and – ah – the last bag is filled with new stuff. Bottles, diapers, pacifiers . . . those kinds of things?”

“ _Man,_ that’s a lot of stuff,” said May. “Don’t you already have most of it?”

“The nursery’s done, yeah, but that’s not the point.”

“Okay, well, what is the point?”

Wes let out a muffled laugh at May’s question, even as she pouted and gave him a small glare, but he merely lifted his hands as best as he could and shrugged. It made Benjamin smile to see May let go off his arm to instead bump into Wes, especially to see Wes laugh aloud at her antics and wrap an arm around her shoulders, and he saw her laugh with him and lean into his touch with an intimacy that he envied. They were so _in love_ , whilst Benjamin -? He had his unborn child, as well as his family, but he didn’t have what they had . . .

The baby felt a little restless, too, so that he almost _wished_ that they weren’t so close to home, as the only thing that seemed to settle the baby was the rocking movement from walking, and – even though Wade bought him a rocking-chair for the nursery – it was _almost_ as if the baby _somehow_ knew the difference. It was exhausting to walk everywhere, but Benjamin didn’t mind. It served a nice distraction from the emotional pain. He swallowed hard and tried to remind himself that at least Normie was happy, whilst his child was healthy, and what more did he honestly need? It – it would be okay, besides he could _see_ their house and he could listen to May prattle on and look at Wes’ art . . . it would distract him. He hoped . . .

“It was nice of her, May,” said Benjamin.

“I’m not saying it wasn’t, but you _have_ all that kind of stuff! Pops got everything out of the attic from when we were kids, didn’t he? Not to mention, _anything_ that he couldn’t reuse was bought again! He must have spent a _fortune_! The kid has more stuff than _we_ do combined!”

“Liz only has one child. This – this may be the only grandchild that she gets, especially when she’s sick like Dad, and I think . . . I think she wants to be involved as she can be, given that she doesn’t want to spend too much time with me without Normie knowing. I can get that, because he _does_ deserve to know, but he is going to be the _last_ to know, and . . . he’s her _son_ , so the loyalty to him makes sense. Anyway, a lot of the stuff has sentimental value.”

“Okay, fine,” May replied, “but what was the point in meeting her at some café? It’s not like she couldn’t have dropped it off at the house! That’s a lot of stuff to carry for someone so sick, plus do you have _any_ idea how heavy it probably is to hawk around? I bet Wes’ arms are falling off right about now! Did I offer to carry them? I’m sure I did.”

“It’s okay,” said Wes with a wink. “It makes me feel useful.”

“How is it that you always make me laugh?”

“I’m just that good?”

May burst into laughter at his teasing, as he gave a warm smile. The two of them stopped in the middle of the pavement, so that Wes could wrap his arms around her and press his forehead to hers, and – for a moment – Benjamin thought they were going to kiss. He saw the bags resting against May’s back, as well as her arms locked around Wes’ neck, and there was a blush to each of their cheeks, which left them looking so alive and in love. It amazed him that – more than six months on – they could still be so in love.

He walked forward a few more steps, as he tried to detach himself from them a little, even as he felt a slight sweat break over his forehead. It was actually more exhausting than he thought, even though the café was so close to home, and he found himself forced to lean against someone’s fence to catch his breath. The other two actually kissed chastely, before they separated and held hands, sharing the burden of the bags between them, and they began to exchange kind words and sentiments. It – it wasn’t as if they did it on purpose, as if they were trying to rub into his face how alone he was, but – _every_ time he saw a couple together – it made remember exactly what he missed . . . it made him feel _empty_.

It was as if there was this hole in his heart . . . the depression was overwhelming, but it was so much harder to overcome when every day he saw Normie in the papers, as if the world strove to remind him of the man he let go and the woman that now claimed him. He _prayed_ that Liz didn’t hate him for keeping the baby secret, but . . . a part of him felt glad to have a part of Normie that was his and his alone, whilst the other part of him wanted to _cry_ just _thinking_ about talking to Normie face-to-face. It was already _so_ damned difficult getting over their break-up, but _talking_ to him now knowing he was engaged? Impossible.

“You must be glad for some of it?” Wes asked.

“Huh? Sorry, I – er – I was –”

Benjamin looked across to see Wes and May apart, with May now carrying one of the heavier bags and walking a few steps ahead, and – as he realised just how distracted and disorientated he felt – he fell into step with her, so that the three of them began to walk again. It was embarrassing to be caught so lost in thought, but he drew in a heaving sigh and gave the brightest smile that he could muster. He didn’t want them to know how upset he felt, not least when they both strove to be so strong for him in the past two months.

“Yeah, I am glad,” he eventually said.

“Yeah, but do you really want a bunch of photos of Normie?” May asked.

“Well, why wouldn’t I? I think the baby will want to see them when they’re older, plus it’s nice to have that comparison, you know? I can see what they might look like, as well as whether they look like him, and I think Liz _wanted_ me to see. I think a part of it is her wanting me to remember that Normie is only _human_ and the baby is _his_ , too, but I – I can’t tell him when -! I-it doesn’t matter anyway. Still, the photos . . . the old toys . . .”

“I suppose it’s nice, I guess. I guess Normie would only throw them away, if his mother passes away before he knows he has a kid. What reason would he have to keep them? At least, this way, they don’t go to waste and whatever. Still, nowhere _near_ as cool as the Spider-Girl plush doll that Pops got made! The kid will _love_ that!”

“Are you kidding? That’s so mine! I’ve put it in my room already.”

“Now way! You’re lying! That’s the kid’s!”

Benjamin laughed and ducked out of her way, as she made to give him a playful slap, and Wes shook his head at their fooling around and joking behaviour. It was nice to have a reason _to_ laugh, but – at the same time – he felt a stab of guilt that he could forget Normie for even a moment, because to forget Normie was to forget his duty to _tell_. He stumbled forward, as May fell in line beside him, and Wes rolled his eyes with a smile of his own. They walked with a few laughs and jokes, until they reached their house.

It was then that Benjamin saw Jeff across the road, where he sat on the porch with Preston, and the pair waved at the three of them. He waved back, but – under the watch of adult eyes – he felt the need to stop joshing around and act more mature, especially when he was about to have a child of his own, and yet . . . he _wasn’t_ grown up yet, was he? Benjamin swallowed hard and tried to work out _how_ he could be a good influence but still be a teenager, and he realised that he would need to make sacrifices for his child. Ellie was already an adult when she became pregnant, but Benjamin was still just eighteen . . . he needed to grow up, to prove that he _could_ do this, but he -! He wasn’t sure whether he was _strong_ enough.

“Oh, is Peter still in?” Wes asked.

Benjamin looked to where Wes nodded. There was his father’s car in the driveway, which was unusual when he was due to be in the hospital all morning, but it was possible that his appointment was rearranged or that his father was too busy to attend. The treatments made him so nauseous and sick, not to mention so lethargic, and Benjamin spent more time looking after Peter than himself these days, whilst Tony and Bruce poked and prodded in a desperate attempt to find a cure or boost his healing factor. Benjamin bit his lip nervously, hoping that he wouldn’t be rubbing Peter’s back, especially when he had morning sickness of his own.

“I guess he’s not very well,” sighed Benjamin.

“That’s too bad. Will he be up for company? It looks like Preston is free, so May and I could go over there for a while, but I don’t want Peter to think we’re avoiding him. Er, do you want us to go get some food or would he rather not have any?”

“Hold on, I’ll ask him. It’ll just take a moment.”

“Sure, not a problem.”

There was an awkward moment of silence, as Benjamin fished his phone from his coat pocket, before he swiped the screen to find his father’s number. It was an easy assumption to make that Peter would have his phone next to him, especially when Wade made him _swear_ to always carry it in case of emergency, and he could actually hear the customised ring-tone from outside, but the only problem was that . . . no one was picking up. He hung up the phone and looked forlornly at the screen. That was odd, wasn’t it? Why didn’t he pick up?

“Maybe May and I should sit with Preston for a while?”

“Er, yeah,” said Benjamin. “That may be an idea.”

“What? No!” May protested. “I _love_ Ellie, but if Jeff’s there then she’ll be there! I swear _all_ she asks about is you, Benji! It’s all personal questions about the pregnancy, too. It’s traumatising! You know women _tear_ giving birth? _I_ didn’t! I didn’t _need_ to, either!”

Benjamin shot Wes a look that May missed. The younger teenager was clearly worried, which meant that Benjamin’s fears weren’t entirely unjustified, but it felt premature to worry needlessly when Peter was probably sleeping or left his phone in another room. If there were any kind of emergency, he would have called Preston. The older woman was only across the road, it would have taken her less than a minute to reach Peter and help him in any way. He drew in a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, before he nodded to Wes to signal that it was best to leave . . . just temporarily. He didn’t want May to see Peter in a bad way.

There was an awkward moment between them, made worse by how May seemed to pick up on the tension and her expression became concerned in turn, and Wes at once took the bag from her hand and nudged her with his shoulder. He smiled brightly, but she knew him too well to fall for his blatant attempt at trying to pacify her. Benjamin interrupted with a cough, as he felt his heart race in his chest, and shoved his phone into his pocket a little too violently. The longer they stood outside, the more he wanted to be _inside_.

“I’ll be right over,” said Benjamin. “I’m just going to tell Dad where we are.”

“Sure, no problem,” said Wes. “See you soon? Right, May?”

“I guess,” muttered May. “Sure.”

Wes locked arms with her, as the two walked across the road together, and – as they walked – May sent a suspicious glance over her shoulder. It was clear that she knew _something_ was wrong, even as Benjamin waved with one hand and stroked his stomach with his other, and yet the pout never left her face. The two of them were welcomed warmly by Preston and Jeff, as Ellie saw them and ran outside to greet them, which was something of a heart-warming sight, although he resented them looking through his bags without him.

He saw Preston wave and waved back. There was a part of him that felt guilty for disturbing his father when he clearly wasn’t well, perhaps he was sleeping or being ill, but he wouldn’t be able to live with himself should he sit with his sisters and something were wrong. Hell, it was worse still to picture May entering their home and finding their father in some horrible state, which was something that made him feel sick to even think about . . . still, it was probably nothing, right? Wade would go _mental_ , if he thought that Benjamin was assuming the worst over something so silly. He shook his head sadly and chastised himself for being so melodramatic, as he walked quickly to the porch.

The door was unlocked when he tried the handle. That was odd, wasn’t it? Peter always locked the door when home alone, just as he _grounded_ May for a month when she once forgot to lock the door when home alone, and they were drilled as children on safety and security. Benjamin swallowed hard and stepped inside. Peter might have just been running an errand quickly, an in-and-out sort of chore, and yet – when Benjamin closed the door behind him – he could see his father’s keys on the table beside the door. That – that wasn’t something Peter ever did . . . it went against every rule he ever made.

“Dad? Dad! Dad, are you home?”

Benjamin looked up the staircase, but there didn’t appear to be any sounds from upstairs, whilst downstairs appeared empty. He swallowed hard. The living room showed no signs of life, just as the kitchen seemed empty in turn, and yet he could spot his father’s coat thrown across a chair . . . Peter _never_ just left things ‘lying around’. He took a step forward and felt his heart began to race, before he took out his phone again and rang Peter. A familiar ring-tone came from the coffee table in front of the sofa. This wasn’t right.

“Dad! You’ve left your phone down here!”

It took him a few seconds to hang up, before he drew in a broken breath and stepped into the living room. He shoved his phone away, as he saw his father’s spinning in loose circles on the wood, before it stopped spinning and sat there looking strangely alone . . . it made him freeze several feet behind the sofa . . . he – he could see a mop of hair on the arm of the sofa. He felt a sense of dizziness overcome him, as he stumbled forward with a sense of dread, but it wasn’t unusual for Peter to sleep a lot these days . . . be-besides, he probably just felt too tired to go to bed. That was normal, right?

“H-hey, you – you can’t sleep here, Dad,” said Benjamin.

Benjamin walked around the sofa; he looked down to see Peter looking completely exhausted, but also completely peaceful . . . it was the first time that he saw his father looking so restful in a long time, but -! T-there was something _wrong_. He reached out to check the phone, which had a long list of missed calls and unanswered texts, and he felt himself begin to sweat nervously. It was a cold sweat, almost painful to feel, whilst his body felt like ice and felt the strangest sensation . . . it was as if insects were crawling over his skin, as if water were being slowly poured over him. It was such an _instinctual_ fear, too.

It took him a while to kneel down, as he was forced to push back the table to give himself space, whilst his stomach got in his way and the child seemed to resent the chance to rest, as if they wanted him to start walking about again. He managed to position himself in front of Peter, where his father’s face was only a foot or so from his, but . . . he looked so _pale_. The older man was also lying slightly awkwardly, but in a way that made him look something close to asleep, and yet he just _wouldn’t wake up_. It – it was worrying . . .

Benjamin reached out a shaking hand to touch him. He – he felt cold, whilst his eyes didn’t so much as flicker during his dreams or open with wakefulness, and instead he just _lay_ there and – and – and his chest didn’t seem to rise or fall, but he didn’t respond . . . he didn’t respond to Benjamin’s voice! No, he was just deeply asleep, that was all. He was overworked and had so many treatments . . . it was natural to want to rest, wasn’t it? Benjamin pulled back his hand and gave a nervous smile. He – he needed to calm down, because his child depended upon him to be calm, and – and they _needed_ their grandfather, too, so there was no _way_ the worst could happen! He reached out again and shook Peter’s shoulder.

“C-come on, you have to w-wake up.”

It didn’t do anything. He – he felt the tears rise, as he began to hyperventilate. There was no way that this was happening, but the more he shook Peter -! Benjamin scrunched his eyes shut tightly. He opened them only to see the world blurred with tears, as a boiling rage overcame him, and he felt the beginnings of a scream in his throat, but no sounds came out and there was no relief from the pain. He pushed one last time. Peter rolled onto his back and his eyes were revealed to be half-open and lifeless . . . _lifeless._

“N-n-no! No, y-you’re – you’re not allowed t-to _do_ this!”

Benjamin reached out desperately to find a pulse, but there wasn’t one to be found. It – it was like living a bad dream, so that he caught himself _praying_ to wake up, until the pain became unbearable and he could see nothing of what was around him. The room became dark, whilst his body felt cold, and he couldn’t help except to shake and shake and _shake_ Peter, _furiously_ trying to wake him up, until -! Until he realised that Peter _wouldn’t_ wake up. He – he wouldn’t wake up, b-but worse . . . he _left_ Benjamin! W-what was Benjamin going to do without him? He – he _needed_ Peter and he loved him . . . he was his father.

Oh God, would they get by on one less income? What would he say when his son or daughter asked about their grandfather? May – May would be devastated, but what could he do to ease her pain? The house would need looking after, just as there would need to be someone to arrange the funeral, and – and – and -! Did . . . did Peter _know_ how much he _loved_ him? Did he die alone and afraid, or did he take comfort from the photographs and mementos in their family home? He – he wanted to say goodbye, but this didn’t feel like the end.

It didn’t feel _real_. He wanted closure . . .

The tears fell. Peter was one of the few people he could depend upon and that loved him unconditionally, and – since Normie’s engagement – one of the few people to make Benjamin smile . . . would – would he be able to smile again after this? It felt as if every spark of light was being extinguished, as if his whole life was being swept away by despair. He – he couldn’t breathe! He needed to breathe deeply, but every time he swallowed -! There was a pain in his eyes, whilst his hands slowly slid away from Peter and fell limply at his sides, and he just sat there . . . alone . . . s-someone would need to watch over him for the night. They would need to bury him the next day. T-that meant telling someone that –

“D-Dad, wake up, please?”

Benjamin smiled weakly, as he fumbled for his phone. E-Ellie would be able to come over, maybe help him, because – because she was _trained_ as a doctor and she -! It was funny, because doctors were always Wade’s worst fear, but they could help Peter, right? M-maybe he just had a faint pulse or was deeply asleep or -! How – how did CPR work? Benjamin could maybe do that, right? He knew the recovery position, so that had to be an option! There – there was some way . . . some way to bring him back . . .

“You – you can’t be dead,” he cried. “You can’t be!”

The baby moved inside him, so that he lost his breath for a moment, and – a crazy part of him – wanted to tell Peter about the news, only he would _never_ get to tell him . . . did – did the baby want to reassure him? It – it reminded him of what he lost. He reached out to push a lock of hair from Peter’s face, as he began to weep, before he smiled and leaned over to place a kiss upon his forehead. The cold skin felt unnatural . . . his father was so filled with _warmth_ , but felt so cold . . . this – this wasn’t fair. This wasn’t _right_.

“You – you can’t be dead. _Please_ , wake up!”

It was too late. Peter was gone.

 

 


	8. Chapter Eight

# Chapter Eight

“Hey, I’m doing this for you!”

Benjamin looked down with a smile. There was no way that the baby would know what he was saying, but sometimes – he found by sheer accident – just _talking_ could comfort them, as if they felt the vibrations of his voice or could hear the unique sound of their father. He ran a hand over his stomach and felt them move, which made him remember Bruce’s words: ‘it looks like a boy, but it feels like they take after Wade’. It was true. Six months into the pregnancy, still far from the birth, and his son kicked and moved like crazy!

He gave a sigh and then looked to the kitchen table, where his latest project was spread out before him, and he wondered whether he would have time to finish. The idea to create a ‘family tree’ was Liz’s, but he loved the idea dearly. It was good to have an art project to distract from all the work . . . his position in Stark Industries was pretty exhausting in his condition, but it was made so much worse by his juggling bill-paying and housework and chauffeuring May to school and -! Benjamin struggled to cope with the stress. These free moments were so few and far between, so he cherished them, and – suddenly – he felt a _huge_ amount of sympathy for his father. Running a home was harder than it seemed.

“How did you do it, Dad?”

Benjamin reached out to take a photograph of Peter. He saw how Peter smiled at the camera, as May cuddled up next to their father, and he felt a tear rise even as he fought to keep calm and fight the depression away. The shine of the sunlight through the window reflected on the paper, giving it a rather beautiful sheen, and he laughed awkwardly at the memory of how Peter _loved_ to take photographs. It was his passion and his love. Hell, against all odds, his father even managed to get a few of Wade unmasked and that _was_ an accomplishment! It was just sad to have to sort through them, as he realised that he missed his chance to be in those photographs _with_ his father. He would never have that chance again.

There were countless pictures of Benjamin, but so few with Peter! Did – did his father realise how much Benjamin loved him? Still, at least there _were_ photographs, as finding quality ones of Wade was such a _nightmare_ , and there was a large space on the poster where his baby would need to go, but he placed an ultrasound picture there for the time being. It was strange that his baby’s family – even going back to Benjamin and May’s namesakes – could be fit onto a sheet of paper, but stranger still to think that the only _two_ of those people would be in his son’s life. Benjamin felt grateful he at least had his sister.

“You would have _killed_ Pops, Dad,” said Benjamin sadly. “Yeah, he stuck around for a few days, you know, but then he just fucking _left_! I have to work full-time and look after May and look after the _house_ , but he’s just -! _Fuck_ , I can’t keep doing this! When the baby comes -!”

He pushed away the photograph of Peter and looked around the kitchen. There were a few items of Peter’s that still weren’t moved or touched, such as his favourite mug on the draining board or his coat by the coat-stand, and – _eventually_ – Benjamin knew that he would have to move them. The idea of sorting through Peter’s possessions was still difficult. Those were _personal_ things and packing them up felt so _final_ , but still -! They – they couldn’t just pretend that Peter was coming back, because he _wasn’t_. He was gone.

“It was weird at first,” Benjamin continued. “He wouldn’t touch your stuff and flipped out when I tried to make the bed, because he wanted everything to be _exactly_ how you left it, and then – then -! He just – he just _disappeared_! I get a cheque every week for bills and for a few extras, which I _know_ is him, but he just won’t _show up_! It’s like he _wants_ to be here, but he just _can’t_ be here! I _need_ him, though, because I can’t do all this alone!

“I – I turned up at your grave one day, though, and he – he was _there_ , like he had been sitting there for _days_. He even -! I shouldn’t say it, but he even _smelled_ bad. I figured out that – whenever I want to see him – I have to just go to your grave and wait, because I’m _pretty_ sure he’s there for a few hours at least every day! _Shit_ , I thought he was just obsessed or in denial or – or – or _something_ , but it’s so much more than that! He – he thinks -! He seriously thinks you’re _alive_! I’ve heard him talking to you, but not like this! He’s treating the photo by the grave like it’s _you_ , like _you_ -you, and it scares me. I don’t want to say it’s crazy, but -!”

Benjamin threw himself back in the chair. He ran a hand over his face and felt his unborn son move, so that he was reminded at once of how he needed to keep his stress down, and he began to draw in deep and slow breaths. Still, he wanted to cry, but he’d cried _so_ many times over the past month since Peter passed. The only problem was that he _couldn’t_ cry in front of anyone, because he needed to be _strong_ , especially when May was still just sixteen and needed someone to _depend_ upon. He – he couldn’t show anyone how he felt!

It reminded him to check the clock on the kitchen wall, because he would need to pick May up from school later and then head to a late shift at work, and he _knew_ that Bruce and Pepper would have chastised him for staying so busy, but how could he let them take over? He was eighteen, which meant he could legally look after May and take charge, and it wasn’t _fair_ to ask anyone else to do what was his duty to do, especially when what May needed right now was _stability_ and dependability. He looked to his art project on the table and suddenly felt a stab of regret, because to look at all those faces . . . some lost, some leaving, some simply never in his life to begin with . . . he couldn’t bear to _look_ at them.

The phone rang from within the living room. It caused Benjamin to jump, but it was only May to remind him about a parent-teacher conference, and – as he let the answer machine run – he mentally cursed himself, because that was just one _more_ job added onto his list of chores. He felt the tears rise, but he _couldn’t_ cry. He couldn’t! He – he needed to do the washing, the cleaning, buy groceries, pick up May, get to work, _go to the conference_ , and – and he – it as -! It was too much! H-how did Peter _do_ all this? Fuck, this was already so damned _hard_ , but six months pregnant, too? He couldn’t do it . . . he couldn’t!

“I need help,” he whispered.

He reached for the phone in his pocket. It – it felt so selfish to tell Normie this way, especially when it felt so _wrong_ to ask in the expectation of help, but just having someone to _talk_ to about it -! Benjamin bit his lip and swallowed hard. Wes was great, just as Bruce was so supportive and Preston did all she could, but none of them – not even Ellie – _understood_ what he felt and he didn’t want to _impose_ upon them. Normie – Normie was always so wonderfully understanding in the past, plus this affected his child, too, and he _deserved_ to know, and yet -! This wasn’t the right way to tell him. It just _wasn’t_.

“Dad, I could really do with your advice . . .”

The first tear fell before he could stop it, but he wiped it away wit the back of his hand. It was then that he made the decision. He swept at his screen and found Normie’s number and it forced him to swallow hard. He didn’t know what to do or to say, but he knew that he had to say _something_ , because it was _killing_ him to deal with all this alone, and Normie . . . Normie always knew what to say. He dialled before he had time to think, as he sniffed away the following tears with a sad smile. The phone rang several times before a familiar voice said:

‘ _Hello. Norman Harold Osborn speaking_.’

“H-hey, Normie, it’s me . . . it’s – it’s Benjamin.”

‘ _Benjamin_?’ Normie paused with a loud sigh. ‘ _I am sorry for your loss. I paid my respects at your father’s grave, but I was not surprised to see how many flowers and trinkets were left there in his memory. He was a good man. My condolences to you._ ’

“T-thanks. It’s – it’s been so rough. I – I just needed to – to . . . to talk to you.”

‘ _Benjamin, I love you, but I believed I blocked your number_.’

“I got a new number. T-this is important, Normie!”

He stood up and walked over to the sink, where the kitchen window sat above. There were a lot of leaves out in the garden, all of which were now a beautiful shade of gold and red, and he wondered whether he could ask Wes to help him rake them up . . . it was just too exhausting in his state, even _with_ a healing factor. Still, it wasn’t _right_ to burden other people, was it? He chose to have this child, just as he had a duty to take over the responsibilities of the home and family, and -! He put the phone against his shoulder and ran the taps.

“Normie, I need you to let me _talk_. _Please_.”

‘ _Oh, is that how you wish to play this? Very well. In that case I ask you to respect my need for space,_ please.’ The tone was so sarcastic that it made Benjamin wince. ‘ _I don’t appreciate the way that you have deliberately sought out to contact me when –_ ’

“Don’t! Just _don’t_!” Benjamin snapped, as he turned off the taps. “You have no _fucking right_ to tell me that I shouldn’t contact you! You _owe_ me, Normie! You should have _told_ me that you were fucking engaged to some -!” He wrung his hands around a cup. “I had to find out in the papers? Really? You couldn’t have afforded me some fucking courtesy call to tell me that it was over for good between us? You couldn’t even do _that_ much?”

‘ _My engagement was announced three months ago. Do you honestly mean to tell me that you wish to take issue with it now? Very well, if you_ must _know, I did not mean for you to find out in such a manner. It was on the news without my knowledge. A man sold those pictures to the_ Bugle; _I’m told you were in my building, but you left before I could apologise._ ’

“I came to talk to you about something important and -! Do you _know_ how devastating it was to see that all over the screens? I – I never felt so _worthless_ in my life! You shared my life, my heart, even my bed . . . am I really so forgettable you can move on that easily?”

‘ _Benji, it’s not that you’re worthless at all! Do I really have to explain this_?’

“Yeah, why not? Explain what she has that I don’t.”

 _‘I could, but humour seems inappropriate._ ’

Benjamin bit his lip so hard that he tasted blood. He could hear the amusement in Normie’s voice, as if he was trying to make light of the situation with an old friend, but they _weren’t_ friends . . . not any more. It was difficult to wash the dishes with his ear to his shoulder, especially when his depression was quickly being overcome with anger, and he was forced to wonder _why_ Normie’s flippant attitude annoyed him so much. There was once a time where he felt it somewhat endearing, if not irritating, but now it was _infuriating_. Did the grief make him less tolerant to it or had he simply outgrown it?

“Just tell me,” snapped Benjamin.

‘ _Benjamin, I love you dearly, but I’m_ in love _with Brenda_.’

He dropped the dish he held and heard it shatter. The piece fell all around him, with some in the bowl and some on the floor, and he felt his body run deathly cold and his throat contract tightly so that he nearly suffocated in his panic. A moment later and he realised that he couldn’t leave broken pottery about, so he held onto his phone and tried to lower himself down enough to pick up the pieces. He panted with the exertion and the discomfort, just as he felt his eyes water and his mouth twitch in a nervous smile.

It was hurtful to hear, but he _hoped_ that Normie was telling him out of respect and a need to be honest, because to be told for any other reason would be beyond cruel . . . he reached down to pick up a shard of the plate and swore. The edges were sharp and cut into his flesh, but he shook his head and picked them up anyway, as the physical pain provided some distraction from the internal agony. He dropped the pieces onto the side, after he eventually managed to stand upright with some struggle, and then reached into the bowl to remove the final pieces, although he cursed aloud as the liquid soap got into his wounds. He let out a howl of frustrated fury and slapped the side hard. He gave up. _He gave up_.

“You – you’re in – you’re in _love_ with her?”

‘ _I would not have proposed to her, otherwise._ ’ Normie sighed on the other end. ‘ _We dated for three months, Benjamin, which I cherish more than you’ll ever know, but I’m_ worried _for you. I’m worried because – six months on – you_ still _can’t seem to move on._ ’

“O-okay, fine . . . just . . . _fine_! I – I need to talk to you about something, I honestly do, but – you’re right – I’m relying on you too much when _I’m_ the one that ended things.” Benjamin turned around and leaned against the sink, as he threw back his head with tears. “So h-how about this? You tell me to leave you alone . . . I’ll fucking leave you alone. Tell me not to call or visit or – or whatever -! Tell me. I _swear_ to respect you and leave you alone.”

‘ _You said you needed to talk to me? Why don’t you simply tell me what -_?’

“No, that’s not how this fucking works,” snapped Benjamin.

‘ _Then how does it work_?’

Benjamin raised a hand to his nose, as he pinched the bridge and scrunched his eyes closed, but the tears continued to fall, even as he held the phone to his ear and felt his body tremble, and he _prayed_ that the pain would stop sometime soon. It took him a moment to realise that he’d likely smeared blood upon his face, so – as he wiped his cheeks and nose with a washcloth – he turned and looked out of the window. The autumn weather reminded him of talks with Normie in bed, where they laughed and joked and talked about the future, as they planned vacations where they could watch the leaves fall and turn . . .

‘ _Benjamin, you need to say something_.’

“If I tell you, it’ll just open a can of worms,” muttered Benjamin. “I don’t want to drag you back into my world, not if you don’t want to be there, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m emotionally manipulating you. I can deal with this alone, anyway. I – I don’t _need_ you to – to – to _fix_ things! I just wanted you to know, because you -! Just – just tell me to leave you alone. I’ll only be in your life, if you want me to be. I – I’ll leave if you . . .”

‘ _I can hear you crying. Benjamin,_ this _is what I can’t deal with. I still love you, but I can’t listen to you cry without my heart breaking, because I_ know _there is nothing that can be done to stop those tears, because you won’t let us be friends, while I . . . I can’t let us be more, not now I have Brenda. I don’t want you to leave, but . . . I need you to go, yes._ ’

“O-okay, then I’ll – I’ll hang up. You made you’re choice and I’m making mine. Go on with your life, Normie . . . promise me you’ll be happy. You deserve to be happy. You’re with someone you’re in love with; you have no complications . . . I wish you the best.”

‘ _I hope you find happiness, too. I hope one day we can be friends._ ’

“T-that can’t happen, Normie.”

The silence between them felt awkward. Benjamin pulled the plug in the sink and watched as the water drained, before he pulled out the last shards of broken plate and left the other dirty dishes in the sink, and he hoped that he would have time to wash them later. He – he wondered how Peter found _time_ to do everything, just as he wondered whether Wade did more than he let his children see, and he wondered whether his child would resent him for bringing them into this life. He rubbed at his eyes and gave a hiccup, as he tried to swallow back his pain. A few seconds later, he returned to the kitchen table and sat down.

‘ _Why can’t we be friends_?’

“If I leave you alone, you’ll be happy,” whispered Benjamin. “You’ll be with someone you love and start a new life, but if we become friends? Trust me, you’d _never_ forgive me. Once I hang up the phone, that’s it forever, and that’s just how it has to be . . . I – I can’t bug you with my problems, not if you don’t want to hear them, and I – I guess I just need to deal with things alone. _I’m so sorry_. I’m sorry for all of this. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

‘ _You’re hurting yourself, Benji. Take all the time you need to grieve; there’ll be good days and bad days, as recovery is not a straight line or a simple process, but everything you feel is natural. I hope you can allow yourself to move on, too. I guess this where we say goodbye?_ ’

“I – I guess – I guess this is it . . . f-forgive me, Normie?”

 _‘There’s nothing to forgive._ ’

He let out a bitter laugh. It – it felt so _wrong_ to put this decision on Normie, not least because he had _no_ idea what he was really deciding, but he _couldn’t_ tie Normie to him forever for something that he never wanted and held no choice over! N-Normie wanted to _move on_ , but how – how could he move on if Benjamin _told_ him that there was a child? It might even break Brenda and Normie apart, which was _cruel_ when Normie apparently _loved_ this woman, and yet -! How – how could he love her? What did she have that he didn’t?

‘ _Goodbye, Benji_ ,’ said Normie softly.

“Goodbye,” he said.

It was then that he hung up. The broken sobs came before he could stop them, even as he dropped the phone onto the table and raised his hands to his face. He – he felt like he was _lying_ to Normie, even if it were just a lie of omission, and yet there was no way to tell Normie when _every_ time he tried to talk to him -! Normie didn’t want to hear it. It was normal, right? After all, Benjamin broke up with him, it wasn’t fair to constantly call him and talk to him and _confuse_ him like that, but still -! 

They had a _child_ together, even if Normie didn’t _know_ of it! Benjamin swallowed hard and wiped away the tears from his cheeks, as he tried to control himself, and he realised that – one day – his child would ask _questions_. Normie would find out one way or another, too, and what then? Would he – would he resent the years spent away from his child, missing out on all their son’s firsts? Oh God, his son might _hate_ him too, for keeping the truth from him and keeping him from his father, but – but who was he supposed to put first? It – it was _right_ to put his son first, but Normie’s life would be _devastated_ by this news! Hell, Normie didn’t even _want_ to hear from him anyway! This – this was all so – so -!

The photo of Normie on the art-board stared back at him, almost judgementally, so that he _knew_ he would feel guilty every time he saw it, but – at the same time – his unborn son had a _right_ to know where he came from and who he was. He prayed that he made the right choice. This way -! This way Normie could go on with his life . . . he could marry Brenda, forget about Benjamin, and – and – and be _happy_. _Shit_ , that meant – that meant dealing with this alone and – and he would -! How would he cope with this? He would need to do everything _alone_ , as well as looking after May and the house and hold a job -!

It was then that his phone rang. He snatched it up desperately, as he hoped and prayed that it was Normie to say he changed his mind . . . that he wanted Benjamin in his life, that he _wanted_ to hear what the younger man had to say, but the name on the screen did not belong to him. It let him with a horrible sinking feeling, as he let out a low exhale of breath and felt a tear fall. He gave a broken smile and answered as best as he could.

“H-hey, Liz,” he whispered.

 _‘Hi, there! Are you okay, Benjamin_?’

“N-no, I’m – I’m not,” replied Benjamin. “I – I called Normie to – to tell him, but he -! I just couldn’t do it, Liz! I couldn’t! I’m – I’m so sorry. _I’m so sorry!_ I wanted to tell him, but he said that I shouldn’t call him anymore, so I – I said that was fine and I wouldn’t! I-it was my fault, because I basically _dared_ him to tell me to leave me alone, but I guess a part of me didn’t think he _would_. He loves her! He’s _in love_ with her! How can I tell him now when -?”

‘ _Hey. Hey! It’s okay, Benjamin, I promise you_.’ There was a heavy sigh on the other end. ‘ _He’s not taking my illness well. He’s pushing_ everyone _away, even Brenda. Do you know that she hasn’t seen him in over a week? It’s not for lack of trying! He still loves you, but he’s trying to isolate himself . . . just promise me that you won’t give up? Try again_?’

“W-why should I? He – he’s made his choice! So he’s pushing me away? He swore to me – _he swore to my face –_ he would _never_ do that again! The day we decided to begin dating, he _promised_ not to do that! _That’s_ supposed to endear me to him? Breaking his promise?”

‘ _You broke up and now he’s losing me. The circumstances are –_ ’

“So – so my pain isn’t important?”

He reached a hand down to hold onto his stomach. There was such an intense _rage_ that she could be telling the truth, because the very _idea_ that Normie was purposely doing this to – to – to _what_? Normie promised to not keep things bottled up! He promised not to _hurt_ or _scare_ Benjamin intentionally anymore! They promised each other to _trust_ each other! O-okay, they weren’t dating, but did that mean Normie could treat Benjamin like a stranger? Benjamin had lost _so much_ in these past few months, but Normie _still_ insisted on this distance, on this-!

‘ _Of course your pain is important_.’

“Is it? I’ve tried to tell him over and over and over! He just cuts me down each time!” Benjamin ran a hand over his face. “I – I can’t do this right now . . . I _literally_ can’t! I – I still have all these chores to do, then I have a parent-teacher conference, and I have _work_ this evening too and I -! That’s just _today_! W-what am I going to do when the baby’s born? How am I going to do everything _and_ raise a child? _Fuck_! I – I hate this.”

‘ _This is why you_ need _to tell Normie, even if he doesn’t want to hear it_ ,’ Liz continued. ‘ _You’re so young and now Peter has passed . . . I know you’re strong enough to cope, but having someone to share the responsibility with would help immensely. There’s no shame in asking for help. You don’t_ have _to do this alone._ ’

“So – so you would rather me tell Normie? You’d rather me disrespect his decision, break up his relationship, and force a child on him that he might not even want? I – I can’t ruin his life like that! I’ll – I’ll figure something out. I have to go, though. I have things to do.”

‘ _Okay, but call me later? You need someone to talk to._ ’

“S-sure, thanks, Liz,” he muttered.

He slammed the phone down harder than intended. The baby moved, as if they objected to his anger, and he was forced to draw in a long breath to try and calm himself, even as he felt the tears hot behind his eyes. It – it was hard to force his emotions back, especially when there was so much _work_ to be done! He needed to be _strong_ , but he couldn’t . . . he just couldn’t! He – he wanted Wade to laugh with him and hug him, or Peter to sigh and help share the work, or just for – for them to _be_ there . . . he – he hated being so alone.

It was then that the house phone rang again, which caused him to laugh anxiously and drop his head into hands, where he clenched his hair into his fists and let out a sound something close to a groan. There were just so many calls and so many jobs, just as he heard Tony’s voice asking whether he could put in overtime, and he swore loudly under his breath and clenched tighter upon his hair, because with _every single call_ there was a constant reminder that there was _one more job_ to be done! How did Peter do this? How did Peter go to work full-time, raise three children, and then keep their house running so well? He – he _needed_ his father! He needed Peter! He looked at the photograph of Peter and smiled weakly:

“Just tell me what to do, _please_ ,” he begged.

The only response was silence.

 


	9. Chapter Nine

# Chapter Nine

It was a beautiful service . . .

There seemed far less people than there was at Peter’s funeral, as if Normie wanted to keep it low-key and only have immediate family in attendance, and it made Benjamin wonder whether he made the right choice in allowing Peter’s service to be so open. He remembered teachers shaking his hand, Peter’s old colleagues from _The Bugle_ giving their condolences, and even schoolmates of his father’s that Benjamin hadn’t even _heard_ of until that moment, but he thought – _still_ thought, too – that was what Peter would have wanted.

Peter had been such a loved man. It was only right that everyone he knew had the opportunity to express their grief and mourn with the family, and yet Liz’s felt so _empty_ in comparison, as if she only touched a handful of lives, and – if that were true – he felt _honoured_ to be one of those touched by her. He lowered his hands into his coat pockets, where he could touch his stomach through the material. The coat was large enough to cover the eight-month bulge entirely, but the slightest wrong movement would make it clear that it wasn’t just over-sized, and this was _not_ the right place to reveal his pregnancy. He felt the baby kick hard, which caused him to glance down with a glare. They just _never_ seemed to stop kicking!

He would usually try talking aloud to comfort them, but that would _not_ be appropriate in such a place and such a time. Benjamin stood far back next to a large statue of an angel, whilst the mourners grouped together by the grave, and he let his eyes fall across to Normie and tried not to let the tears rise. It seemed that no one noticed him stood so far away, which was good, but _he_ could see _them_ ; he felt so much like an outsider, so much like he didn’t _belong_ there, and he wanted to _go_. Normie looked so handsome all in black, with his cornrow hair longer than Benjamin remembered it, but . . . he also looked so _lost_ and so unusually _pale_.

“We better go before Daddy sees us,” Benjamin whispered.

It was impossible not to steal one last look. Normie’s blue eyes were cast down at the grave, whilst the winter wind caught the hem of his open overcoat and made it ripple in the breeze, and he looked almost like a model or an actor during a tragic scene. Benjamin _longed_ to reach out and touch him, just to say that he _knew_ how Normie felt and would be there for him, but they weren’t dating and Normie made it clear he didn’t want Benjamin in his life. He could _see_ that pain, though . . . _fuck_ , he _felt_ that pain! He – he just wanted to _help_.

Instead it was _that woman_ that clung to his arm, as if she had _any_ idea what Normie was going through or the agonising sense of emptiness that came with losing a parent, and he – he wanted – he wanted to _scream_ at her! Okay, so it wasn’t her fault, plus she seemed nice, and she _was_ consoling her boyfriend, but that should have been _his_ boyfriend! It should have been _Benjamin_ helping Normie, only – only he fucked up! He laughed at his stupidity, before he raised a hand to wipe away a tear, and he _cursed_ himself that he could be so selfish as to think of himself when _Liz_ was the one being lowered into the grave.

“Your grandmother was a good woman.”

He turned and began a slow walk back to the cemetery gates, even as he _wished_ he could move a little faster in his condition, but he felt grateful that at least the movements lulled his unborn son to sleep. There was a slight sweat over his forehead, despite the cold weather and the thin layer of snow across the ground, and he felt far more exhausted than his condition justified, even despite exercising and eating according to what Bruce deemed appropriate levels, and – as he felt grateful to have kept _some_ of his physique – he wondered how fast his healing factor would help in getting rid of the excess weight after birth. _Not long now._

‘ _Benjamin! Benjamin Parker_?’

“Y-yes, that – that’s me.”

 _Shit_ , he was only about ten feet from the gates! He hoped to sneak back out without being caught, but the frustrating part was that he couldn’t even _run_ and pretend that he didn’t hear, at least not with the baby weighing him down and making his back ache. Benjamin stopped and positioned his hands to keep his coat away from his belly, so that the baby-bump wouldn’t be too visible or noticeable, and – short of his waters breaking – there was _no_ way that someone should see in just a casual conversation standing outside.

It – it was _Brenda_ that approached him, away from the crowd. He bit his lip hard to keep from swearing, even though he jerked his head to the side and stamped his foot a little, but she gave no outward sign of his tantrum-like gestures, and that only made him hate her all the more. She looked so _perfect_! He could see why Normie liked her, because she was _exactly_ like you expected the partner of someone rich and famous to be like! She had such long and thick hair, black as May’s cooking, and eyes so brown that they looked almost familiar, which made him blush a little . . . they looked a little like _his_ eyes. It was devastating how perfect she looked in her black dress, too . . . especially when he felt so _fat_ in comparison.

“I’m Brenda Drago,” she said.

It was then she offered her hand. He noticed that it was perfectly manicured, as well as how her skin was perfectly smooth and soft, and he spotted the _incredibly_ expensive bracelet on her wrist that cost more than several months’ of his pay. _Shit_ , she – she was so much _better_ than him in every way! He watched as he hand hung in the air for a long moment, before he summoned forth the courage to shake it, even as he wished that she would just leave him alone. There was no way that he could compete with her!

“I’m sorry for ambushing you this way,” continued Brenda.

“N-no, it – it’s fine,” he muttered. “H-honestly, I was just going. I – I don’t want to cause any trouble! Liz – Liz was good to me these past few months, so I just . . . I wanted to pay my respects, you know? I – I – I’m sorry for your loss. I’ll – I’ll just go . . .”

“You don’t have to leave.” Brenda pushed back a lock of hair with a smile. “I didn’t come here to tell you that you’re unwelcome, but just that you shouldn’t feel that you have to hide out of sight. Normie saw you, Benjamin. I checked with him, but he seems to understand that you and Liz were friends, so you have every right to be here with us. Goodness! You even sat at the back of the church during the main service. Didn’t you feel alone?”

“I – I didn’t feel alone. I – I never feel alone lately, n-not really.”

“Right, well, I suppose that’s a good thing, yes?”

Brenda cast a brief glance to his stomach. It was enough to make him draw in an instinctive hiss of breath and step backwards, as he put his hands back into his pockets to hold onto his stomach, and – as much as he knew she _couldn’t_ know – a part of him felt terrified she might have realised the truth in some way. He looked back into her brown eyes and saw her raise a hand, as if in surrender, whilst her smile remained upon those cheeks and looked just so _mocking_ upon him, even if it was probably meant as a sincere comfort. Benjamin drew in a deep breath and swallowed hard. He felt his baby kick hard from inside.

“Will you be joining us at the wake?” Brendaasked.

“I – I don’t think that would be a good idea,” he said quietly. “N-Normie doesn’t want to see me, plus I – I don’t have a ride anyway . . . my – my sister took the car into the shop for me, so I had to get a cab here. I probably – you know – better go . . .”

“You’re more than welcome to get a ride with Foggy. Please . . . come? Liz adored you; I often got the impression that she would rather _you_ be dating Normie than myself, but she was always too nice to say anything and I never wanted to upset Normie by mentioning it, but – the fact remains – that you meant a lot to her. Don’t feel unwelcome, by any means.”

“I – I guess I could go for a little while? I have work early, though.”

“I’ll arrange for someone to drop you off.”

He watched her with a sad smile, as she seemed to sincerely want him there, but a _horrible_ part of him only thought back to school and wondered whether this was some sort of cruel prank, where she only wanted him there to show him up. There was _no_ reason to distrust her, but she was -! This was the woman that Normie chose over _him_ , which made him wonder why she was so special, not to mention that he _loathed_ how she probably thought she won, whilst he – he had _nothing_ to show for their relationship! He was still single, but she -!

Still, Liz was such a good person to him. Liz would talk to him about his problems, send gifts for the baby, and she would always try to reassure him in the months after Peter’s death, and she _deserved_ his respect and his prayers. He – he couldn’t avoid the wake _just_ because of his insecurities and his dislike of a woman that had done _nothing_ to hurt him, and so – in the winter wind and under the overcast sky – he drew in a deep breath and tried to centre himself, so that he could face the wake without bursting into tears or running away in shame, and he forced a bright smile and saw that Brenda’s faded just slightly. Did she see past his act and worried about him, or was it more that she was taking delight in his awkwardness?

“I – I guess I can go for an hour or so,” he said.

“Wonderful, I’ll lead the way?”

He watched as Brenda walked towards the gates, where a row of black cars sat, and he felt a horrible sense that he was intruding upon something far too personal, as if he had no right to be upset about Liz when she meant so much more to Normie and those at the funeral. He swallowed hard and followed as quickly as he could, even as he felt the baby kick in something close to protest. The movement was enough to make him worry that his stress-levels were too high, as he felt his heart race and head grow dizzy, but he smiled regardless and tried to not let his fears show. It was only for an hour, right?

“I shouldn’t have come,” he whispered under his breath.

The baby kicked and he bent over in pain.

He _really_ shouldn’t have come.

* * *

“Do you want something to drink?”

Benjamin blinked and looked to Brenda. There was a smile on her face that was equal parts nervousness and fury, which made her _incredibly_ hard to read, and – in a brief moment of sympathy – he realised that _maybe_ she felt as conflicted about him as he did about her. He saw in her the woman that stole his boyfriend’s heart, whereas she likely saw the man that her fiancé would rather be with, and Benjamin knew – just as he knew Normie chose her over him by proposing to her – Normie was _only_ with her because _Benjamin_ broke up with him.

He sat down on a barstool in the kitchen, before he shook his head with a smile equally as forced and a feeling of frustration that likely forced its way into his eyes. There was a lot of noise from the living room attached, where the family gathered and traded stories about Liz, and he enjoyed the huge amount of light and space in that room, but he _couldn’t_ sit with everyone and feel their judgement. They knew he had no right to be there, but – more than that – _he_ knew that he had no right to be there. He – he just couldn’t sit with Normie and _not_ want to hold him and console him, so he removed himself from the situation, unable to hold back his urges and desperately wanting to be alone when the tears came.

“Are you sure?” Brenda asked. “We have decaf.”

“N-no,” he muttered. “Have you tried that stuff? Pops used to call it liquid shit, because supposedly it’s the _exact_ same colour as this one time he had Indian food, and he claims it tastes the same. I asked _how_ he could possibly know that, but just laughed and Dad cut him off before he could finish. I’ve tried every single kind of tea imaginable, but they don’t taste much better. You know I’ve had such a weird thing for milk lately? I’m babbling, aren’t I?”

“Just a little,” said Brenda with a laugh. “Look, I’m not going to pretend to be friendly. You _really_ aren’t the type of person I would choose to spend my free time with, but I don’t think _you_ want to spend time with me either. I think we’re _both_ wondering whom Normie would choose, if it came down to it . . . I don’t think I want to know, do you?”

“Is – is this why you wanted me to come to the wake? Do you – do you think I’m _after_ Normie or something? L-look, I’m _really_ not any competition and we aren’t even talking anymore anyway! I – I – I honestly just came to pay my respects.”

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something else.”

“O-oh? Did – did I do something wrong?”

Brenda gave him a rather stern look, as if she were tempted to roll her eyes and yet was too polite to do so, and – instead – she sat opposite him with a look that made him feel as if he were being analysed or judged in some way. She crossed her legs, which showed a slither more thigh than he felt appropriate for a wake, but she did look damned amazing, so it wasn’t as though anyone would criticise her for redefining the ‘little black dress’, and it was actually a pretty cool outfit. He couldn’t have designed it better himself. It was then Brenda said:

“Liz told me you were pregnant.”

He began to choke on the air. It – it was probably a good job he _didn’t_ take the drink, because he wasn’t sure he would have been able to stop it from spraying all over her, but – then again – that _did_ make the prospect pretty tempting. S-still, he raised a hand to his mouth, as he began to cough continuously, until he felt the baby move and a frustrating pressure on his bladder, and he forced himself to slow his breathing, as he tried to still his racing heart and focus on remaining calm. Why would Liz _tell_ someone like Brenda?

It was enough to force him to reach down to touch upon his stomach, where his hand rubbed at the material of his coat and felt the hard skin underneath. This – this was _his_ baby and _his_ choice, so the idea that someone could have told his secret to another -? It was such a violation! Not to mention the _terror_ that she would tell Normie, and – and – and what if she wanted to _blackmail_ him? Oh God, what if she wanted Normie to fight for custody? It – it was all too much to consider, so that he wanted to run away, but he _couldn’t_ run and he _couldn’t_ even get away without her calling someone to take him home first, and he was so _trapped_! Did – did she plan it that way? T-this was like a trap or an ambush or – or –

“S-she – she t-told – she told you t-that -?”

“I think she was worried you would keep it secret,” said Brenda matter-of-factly. “I was made to promise to tell Normie, if you haven’t told him by the time of the birth. I must admit to being in two minds about it. I worry he will resent me for keeping it secret for _this_ long, but I think he will understand that it was to give _you_ time to tell him yourself. I shan’t make you tell him, nor do I want you to think of this as an ultimatum, but if you don’t –”

“Then _you_ will? Yeah, I get that.” Benjamin ran a hand over his face. “Do _you_ get that I _can’t_ tell him? He – he made it _very_ clear that he loves you and wants _nothing_ to do with me, unless it’s platonic only, but I can’t _be_ platonic with someone I slept with! I – I don’t know how anyone _could_ be! He told me never to contact him again, so I _respected_ his wishes. _Fuck_! I shouldn’t even be here right now! It’s too hard for him to have me contacting him, leading him on in a way, and I can get that . . . he doesn’t want to speak to me.”

“Listen, I’m going to be honest with you. This is my worst nightmare; the man I love is having a child with another person, but I can’t even be _angry_ with him, because it was before we began to date. I want nothing more for you to take this child and just leave without a word, _but_ that isn’t what is right for your child or for Normie. You understand this, correct?”

“You’re saying that you’re not putting yourself first, so I shouldn’t either?” Benjamin shrugged and swallowed hard. “I’m doing this _for_ Normie, Brenda! It’s better this way for _everyone_! His mother just died, too! I can’t exactly tell him _now_ , can I?”

“No, but you can tell him very soon. He deserves that.”

“ _He doesn’t want to_ talk _to me_!”

Benjamin leaned his head down. He clenched his hands into his hair and yanked, so that the pain grounded him and kept his hands steady, and he felt tears of frustration rise to blind him to Brenda’s perfect frame. There was the sound of laughter from within the adjoining living room, so that – in a moment of paranoia – he could almost imagine it was _him_ they were laughing at, but the door remained closed and he caught the end of the punch line . . . Liz was well-loved and there were many stories to tell. Benjamin felt a tear fall.

He let out a broken sigh and sat back up, where he worried about how he looked to this woman, because he _felt_ like a giant mess. There were creases in his coat, because the _only_ black coat he could find belonged to his father, which meant digging around in storage boxes from the attic to find it. He was already eight months gone, which meant his stomach – whilst hidden enough to hide the pregnancy – gave the illusion that he gained a _lot_ of weight, and he was sure there were bags under his eyes from a lack of sleep. Hell, it felt like every night was filled with chores and paperwork and research and -! He was tempted to quit work when the baby was born, but how would he be able to _survive_ financially?

There were the cheques from Wade, but he couldn’t rely on them when his dad was so grief-stricken and kind of unstable, and it wasn’t as though he could accept a dime from Normie, even if the older man offered. He – he was _not_ going to be that kind of guy! He wasn’t going to make Normie feel that this was purposely done, or that he was just after his money, or that he wasn’t _capable_ of looking after his son alone! Benjamin looked around the kitchen, seeing how homely and warm it felt, in comparison to the kitchen in Normie’s apartment, and he realised this was a _family_ home. Could – could his son have a family with just Benjamin?

“He would want you to tell him _this_ ,” said Brenda coldly.

“How do _you_ know? Fuck, how would _Liz_ know?” Benjamin wrung his hands together. “You know she told me that Normie was just pushing me away out of grief, that he was using you just for a distraction? She thought he wanted _me_. He didn’t and doesn’t. If she can be wrong about _that_ , what else can she be wrong about? He wanted kids, yeah, but he didn’t want them _now_ and he wanted them with someone he could _be with_ , not – not – not like _this_!”

“Do you want to get into this? Do you want to make this into a competition between us? I thought you were content to let sleeping dogs lie, just as I thought you were mature enough to put your _child_ first, but instead you want to talk about who Normie wants more?”

“No, that’s what _Liz_ wanted to talk about. I heard from her over and over about how I ought to just tell him my feelings, because he was virtually suicidal over our break-up, or that he only proposed to you to try and get some closure over us, and how he – he -! She was fucking _wrong_. This _isn’t_ a competition, because if it was . . . you _win_. You got the ring, didn’t you?”

“Oh, this is how you want to play it? Well, you can break an engagement, just as you can divorce a wife, but you _can’t_ divorce a child,” snapped Brenda. “I will have to endure the fact that _you_ are tied to him _forever_ , just as that – even if he wants nothing to do with this child – you could _still_ force him to pay maintenance or reveal it to the press! You will _always_ be in his life one form or another. There is also the fear he might _leave_ me to be with you and start a family, and – even if you refuse him – I’d have to live knowing that I’m second-best.”

Benjamin winced at those words. He could hear the spark of fear behind them, as her voice shook on the odd syllable and ruined her otherwise perfectly cool demeanour, and a part of him realised that she was _terrified_ of losing Normie . . . it was a feeling he knew all too well. He – he wanted to hate Normie, because this was all about him, but he knew that _none_ of it was Normie’s fault and if he just _told_ him at the start -! May _rang_ him. May _told_ him. If he just told Normie then and there, instead of denying it and pretending that it was all a misunderstanding -! How – how would Normie ever forgive him?

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

There was a sigh from Brenda, who got up to walk around the kitchen island, and he watched as she rather angrily poured herself a glass of red wine. It made him curious how the wine would taste; Wade tended to only drink beers and hard liquors, whereas Peter was tee-total, and Normie favoured champagnes and white wines . . . hell, wasn’t Brenda only twenty? It should have been illegal for her to take so much as a sip, but she seemed so _familiar_ with the drink. He watched as she sniffed before taking a sip, then return to him with a sad smile.

“It’s not your fault,” said Brenda quietly. “This is bad for both of us.”

“My – my baby needs Normie, I’ll admit,” he continued. “I think about _my_ parents and I can’t imagine a life without either one of them, and – and I want that for my son, too. Do you – do you think it would be better coming from you? He loves you.”

“The problem – as I see it – is that he loves you, too.”

“Liz always said he never knew _what_ he wanted.”

“Oh, he _knew_ , just _you_ didn’t.”

The look that she gave him was somewhat playful, but he _saw_ the underlying accusation, that – if Benjamin had been honest from the start, about both his feelings and the baby – it could have saved them all the current stress and heartache. It was then she made to gesture towards his stomach, as if she wanted to touch it, but her hand lingered and he found himself momentarily confused, until he realised that she was waiting for _permission_. He smiled sincerely and found himself warming to her immensely.

“You want to touch him?” Benjamin asked.

“Well, if there’s a chance I’ll have to play _step-mother_ to it . . .”

“I _really_ can’t see what Normie sees in you,” he laughed.

“Likewise,” she replied with a smile.

Benjamin undid his coat so that she could reach his stomach, and he felt her press a hand against his stomach, which felt . . . odd. It made him wonder _why_ people were so fascinated with pregnancy, too, but it was then that he felt his unborn child kick a little higher up, which he took as a good sign, because Bruce said that it was _normal_ for the baby to change position, although it hurt like fuck when he managed to aim his foot at a sore spot. He winced and them took Brenda’s hand and guided it upwards, where he positioned it over the small foot and pressed her hand down firmly, as opposed to the soft touch she used. The baby kicked.

“I – I can feel him,” she whispered. “He’s strong.”

“Tell me about it,” said Benjamin. “Do you want to know what’s creepy? I woke up one day to see an actual _handprint_ against my stomach! I screamed so loud that May woke up and she called Bruce in a panic, and I think I described it as a scene from ‘Alien’, so _he_ panicked too, because I think he assumed the worst, but it turned out to be normal! I try never to look now, just as it’s so creepy to see hands and feet outlined on flesh!”

“Do you wonder whether he will be a mutant, too? I’ve heard it said that the gene often continues through the male line. How strange it must be to one day meet an ancestor of your family, knowing their life is so extended and any one of your children may be the same.”

“I didn’t really ask Bruce, to be honest. I didn’t want to know.”

‘ _Do_ I _wish to know?_ ’

The voice caused Benjamin to jump upright. He nearly fell, but luckily Brenda held incredibly fast reflexes, enough that she brought her hands upright to grab a hold of his arms, so that he was able to catch his balance and refrain from falling over. It had the unfortunate effect of making him bend slightly, as he held onto her in turn, and it made his stomach look twice as large. The open coat was swept to the side with his movements, exposing his unborn child completely. He – he looked up to see Normie . . .

Normie stared at his stomach with a deathly pale façade. The sheer _fury_ that he felt was expressed with every part of his body; he clenched his hands into fists, just as he twitched his lips and his nostrils flared. It – it briefly reminded Benjamin of the time when Normie acted as the Green Goblin, only there was something _behind_ that, something deeper and not borne solely of instinct. Benjamin instinctively wrapped his arms around his stomach, even though he _knew_ Normie would never raise a hand to a pregnant person, and he doubted that Normie would ever raise a hand again to him in general, but he felt so – so – so _afraid_! The open kitchen door made the noise of the wake behind almost unbearable.

“Normie, I swear I -!”

“ _Don’t_. Do not say a _damned_ word!”

There was a dark gaze, followed by a large inhale of breath, before Normie – still pale and seemingly barely in control of his emotions – turned and left quickly, with his head held high and without a single other word to Benjamin. Benjamin tried to follow him, but the baby kicked and he stumbled in surprise of the sharp ache. It – it was a feeling he was used to, but it came exactly during a moment of stress and movement, and suddenly he lost his breath and felt dizzy. Brenda held him tightly and guided him back to his seat. A glass of water quickly appeared before him and he drank it rapidly in desperation, as he already felt tears falling down his cheeks and a sense of absolute _horror_ at what occurred.

He struggled to breathe, until he felt something cold pressed to his forehead. It felt as if Brenda had wrapped ice in a tea towel for him, which he was grateful, and the shock of it forced him to catch his breath and slow his breathing. He – he didn’t mean for Normie to find out that way! Oh God, it was his mother’s _funeral_ and now he -! They broke up _eight months ago_! It – it was _beyond_ a shock to Normie, one that couldn’t have come at a worse time, and he – he – he felt so awful, so guilty, so -! He – he just wanted to make it better!

“He will have gone to his room,” said Brenda. “I’ll go with you.”

“T-to w-what? To _talk_ to him? He – he’s – he’s so -!”

“You _need_ to talk to him _now_ , Benjamin.”

Benjamin looked towards the open door. He heard the vague sound of Foggy asking whether Normie was okay, but – whatever the response was – he seemed to believe it and let Normie past him to go up the staircase. It – it would be _the_ most awkward conversation of his life, especially when Normie appeared on the verge of exploding, and he had _no_ idea how to even begin explaining what he did and why he did it. If – if he left now . . . Normie would have dozens of unanswered questions, whilst Benjamin would live in fear of an inevitable reaction, and _nothing_ would get settled. Brenda was right. He had to talk to him.

“Okay, I-I’ll talk to him,” he said. “Lead the way?”

“Of course, just follow me . . .”

 

 


	10. Chapter Ten

# Chapter Ten

The bedroom was rather stunning.

There was a low-lying king-sized bed beneath a large bay window; the windowsill was decorated with _dozens_ of beautifully framed photographs, and the view of the garden beyond was so beautiful that Benjamin felt himself oddly inspired. He couldn’t stop his eyes from roaming over the flowerbeds and willow trees, even as he heard the door close quietly behind him. Brenda stepped forward, but his eyes fell in embarrassment, as if she might see him spying outside when the priority was _Normie_. It was then he saw the photographs in detail.

It was a little heartbreaking to the central photograph of Brenda, especially when it was professionally taken and larger than all the rest, but – on a quick glance – he realised that it was the _only_ photograph of Brenda. The rest were a collection of family images, although most appeared to feature Liz’s image within their frames, and – to his surprise – there were _many_ of Benjamin, some of which he didn’t even remember being taken. They were all candid images of him, with one being a semi-professional image taken and edited by Peter, and Benjamin wondered whether Normie was simply nostalgic for the past, like a man that would always love his past lovers in some respect, or whether this _meant_ something.

He heard Brenda sigh, although _clearly_ she had been in this room before, which made him wonder just _what_ she could be sighing at, but it was then he noticed the room was conspicuously empty and the sound of running water in what appeared to be an _en suite_ to the left. Brenda walked over to the door, and swayed in such a way that Benjamin felt a stab of envy at her grace. How did she manage to exude such elegance so effortlessly? He swallowed hard to fight back the tears. It was bad enough that he upset Normie so horribly on such a solemn day . . . he couldn’t let his insecurities take priority over Normie . . . he couldn’t!

“Normie? Are you decent?” Brenda called. “Benjamin is here.”

The door opened. He flinched a little on sight of Normie, especially when he already felt so vulnerable and exposed. Benjamin was still breathless from the climb upstairs, as well as self-conscious about his weight, and he wrapped his arms around his stomach to protect the unborn child against any hostility. It was so _difficult_ to look at Normie, though! He – he was dressed only in a loose pair of trousers, which revealed the trail of hair south and his hipbones, and – whilst it was a relief to see no fresh cuts of marks – his skin was _red_ all over from the heat of the water. A towel was draped around his neck, where Normie held onto each end with a grip so tight that his knuckles were white.

“Get out,” he said coldly.

Benjamin felt those words as hard as a physical blow. He looked briefly to Brenda, only to see that she wore a rather sympathetic and pained expression, despite how she clearly strove to appear indifferent and unaffected, and he hated her pity more than the rejection. It – it was bad enough to know that Normie may never forgive him, but to know this woman – the one that _won_ , the one that shared Normie’s _life_ – could look at him and feel _sorry_ for him -? It sent waves of anger and self-loathing coursing through him . . . it left him feeling _broken_.

He drew in deep breaths to keep from hyperventilating, and he turned quickly to try and hide the tears from both of them. It – it felt so _humiliating_ to turn his back to Normie and feel his cheeks wet with tears, the taste of them warm and salty on the edges of his lip, and he felt his heart race so quickly that the baby seemed to kick in objection. He shot a hand up to press against the foot. The baby kicked again, which caused him to double over slightly, and it only added to his panic . . . his need to get away . . . it – it didn’t feel real. H-he screwed up! Oh God, what if his son hated him for it? What if this would never get better? What if -? Benjamin couldn’t breathe. He grabbed at the door handle in desperation, only to hear:

“Not you,” snapped Normie. “Brenda.”

Benjamin blinked away the tears only to turn in confusion. Brenda looked _beyond_ offended, so that her back was perfectly straight and her arms crossed under her chest, and yet she drew in a hiss of breath and remained rather calm. He – he didn’t know _how_ she refrained from lashing out or questioning him, but maybe they were just a better couple than – than -! Benjamin tried to look away, so that she didn’t think he was judging her or something worse, because he took no pleasure in their relationship troubles, but he did rub at his stomach and focus on his child, as if somehow he could talk to them without saying a word.

“You’re asking me to leave?” Brenda asked coolly.

“Yes, I am,” said Normie. “I have much to discuss with Benjamin, but I am sure you can understand why much of that would be confidential and personal. I do not feel that Benjamin could speak openly in the presence of a stranger, which – for all intents and purposes – you _are_. Do not worry; I will not keep secrets from you, but for now I ask you quite kindly to leave. I will tell you the outcome once we have finished.”

“Very well; after all, it’s not as though I’m soon to be your wife.” Brenda gave a loud sigh. “I will be downstairs, if you need anything. I would ask that you _dress_ in the meantime. You can understand that I would appreciate you clothed in the company of Benjamin?”

“Oh? I think it’s a little late for modesty . . . or _honesty_ , it seems.”

“Hey!” Benjamin snapped. “Is that a dig at me?”

“ _Obviously_ ,” muttered Brenda.

He turned – face red with embarrassment and sorrow – to face her, only to see her give a small smile that could have been as sinister as it was sincere. It – it was so hard to _judge_ what went on inside her mind! He wasn’t sure what Normie could see in her, as she was virtually impossible to read, but then Normie was a little like that himself . . . maybe the two of them had more in common than he ever did with Normie. There was a wave of sadness hard to hold back, as Brenda walked to the bedroom door and opened it wide.

“Get dressed, Normie,” she said.

The door closed shut a little too forcefully. Normie stood still for a long moment, as he simply watched the door, and – with his jaw clenched tightly shut – he flung the towel onto a chair and marched to the bed, where he sat with legs slightly apart and hands clenched between them. He hunched over in a way that was _highly_ unusual for a man like Normie, and looked up at Benjamin with such a _dark_ gaze. Benjamin let his eyes glance over his ex-boyfriend. The tattoos were so familiar, the toned muscles so tempting, and he looked as handsome as he ever looked . . . he didn’t dress, either, which meant he either was too furious to care or simply didn’t wish to obey Brenda, for whatever reason. He stayed silent.

“N-Normie, I swear I can –”

“Don’t say a word, Benjamin,” he said coldly. “Please.”

Benjamin nodded meekly and looked for a place to sit. He felt so _tired_ , both emotionally and physically, and – as he wrapped his arms around his unborn child – he began to fidget from foot to foot. There didn’t appear anywhere where he could rest, but – luckily – Normie moved a few feet towards the edge of the bed, where he waved a hand lazily to a spot next to him, and Benjamin smiled despite himself. He felt a tear fall, but he felt so _grateful_ Normie could still read him so well . . . well enough to know what he needed and when he needed it.

He took a seat next to Normie and swallowed nervously, as he felt the baby grow a little restless with the lack of movement, and yet he felt a little relaxed on the bed. It was softer than his by far, so that he was sure a night on this mattress wouldn’t result in backache and a headache, but sitting on the bed . . . next to Normie . . . it – it gave him ideas that he _really_ didn’t want to have, but since around the second trimester he -. Benjamin shook his head. He – he could control his hormones, right? A-anyway, this was about Normie and today was Liz’s _funeral_ , but – but what was it people said about death and sex? _Oh God_ , Normie would _hate_ him, if he knew what was in his mind! Eventually Normie gave a long sigh.

“Is it a boy or girl?” Normie asked.

“H-he’s a – he’s boy,” whispered Benjamin. “I – I was thinking of naming him after m-my father, but I guess that could get confusing? S-so I was thinking of Richard Norman Parker? I – I don’t mind – I don’t mind tweaking it a bit, if you . . . if you . . .”

“Oh, this _is_ interesting. You mean I have a say in my child’s life?”

“O-of – of course y-you do. You’re their father.”

“Yes, _now_ I’m their father!”

Normie turned around to look at Benjamin. He rested one leg upon the bed, whilst the other remained upon the floor, and he leaned forward in a way that Benjamin rather envied, as he could barely _remember_ what it felt like to _bend_. It was strange, but the simple things were the things that he missed most during his pregnancy. He tried to smile, but the look of sheer disgust upon Normie’s face – as if he thought this were a mere joke of some sort to his once lover – made his smile fold and Benjamin began to choke back broken sobs.

“I – I – I _tried_ to tell you, but I –”

“Ah, this shall be interesting,” snapped Normie. “Tell me. Tell me how impossible it was to tell me on one of the _many_ phone calls you made to me. Tell me how you couldn’t send one text message or an email. Tell me how you couldn’t send someone to tell me in person!”

“I – I get that you’re angry, b-but I -!” Benjamin paused to catch his breath. “I tried to tell you t-the day I f-found out, but you -! You – you said – you said it was a hysterical _fucking_ pregnancy! I made up that it was negative, because I was s-so -! How could I _trust_ you with – with something so important, when you couldn’t even trust _me_? I – I don’t know . . . I honestly fucking don’t, but I -! I tried again! I – I came to – I came to your office!

“It – it was where I first met y-your mother, but we were waiting outside and the news came on and it said you were engaged and -! I was supposed to fucking tell you after that? I was already so _heartbroken_ that you fucking _moved on_ and -! O-okay, so I have no _right_ to expect you to stay celibate, not when I said it was an official break-up, but you couldn’t even _wait_ more than t-two months to date that – that -! Engaged in a _month_? _Seriously?_ I dated you for three months, we moved slowly, but you – you -! I felt so – so f-forgettable and worthless and anything I said to you -! I thought you would think that I was just trying to break you up.”

“Do you know what frustrates me so much?” Normie asked with a lip that trembled. “I _would_ have broken up with her, if you had just told me _before_ our engagement! I take my commitments seriously, Benjamin, and you will remember that I never wanted to break-up. You rang me so many times in the months after my engagement, but you _still_ said _nothing_!”

“I tried, okay? I fucking _tried_! I rang you when my dad died! I – I was so bloody overwhelmed! I still am . . . it’s just too much . . . I – I couldn’t keep a secret on top of that! Y-you told me never to call you again. You said it was over. So I took you at your word!”

“You made me make a decision without telling me my _choices_?”

“You made that decision! _You!_ I was _scared_!”

He winced a little as the stress began to affect him, and forced both hands to his stomach, where he tried to ease the discomfort of the baby struggling and slow down his heart-rate in the process. Normie did a small double take, before he lowered his head to one side and pressed his lips together in a tight line. A moment later . . . he was gone. Benjamin mourned the loss of his presence, as well as tried to breathe through his anxiety and tears, but he felt moments away from weeping, and he _hated_ that he ruined things so irrevocably.

It was then that Normie returned. He dropped down in front of Benjamin and placed a bottle by his feet; it felt strange to see Normie kneeling before him, especially when his loose bottoms had fallen further and he looked almost indecent, but Benjamin merely wiped away his tears and tried to be as calm as possible. Normie gently reached out, and – with a look to Benjamin for unspoken permission – raised his top up over his belly, so that the entire expanse was completely on show. Benjamin blushed in embarrassment and sniffled with tired sadness. Normie squirted some liquid onto his hand and began to massage the skin.

“Do you _want_ me in our child’s life?” Normie asked.

It was hard to answer when he felt those hands upon him. The liquid had a rather sweet scent, but it didn’t make him nauseous as floral scents often did, so that it instead smelled like fresh fruit and a little like cocoa. He tried to glance at the bottle, but he couldn’t see it enough to judge what it was, but he remembered that Normie was quite the fan of skin products and healthcare items. The hands began to massage deep and all over, which caused him to moan aloud and let his head roll. Hell, at least the baby wasn’t fidgeting so much now.

“I am told this soothes pregnant women,” said Normie.

“Yeah,” replied Benjamin. “It’s the first time I’ve not felt the skin ache in a long time. I’ve found some lotion helps with stretch-marks, too, but it – it feels weird for someone else to do it . . . May’s been rubbing my feet, as I can hardly see them, but not my stomach . . . it’s too intimate. I kind of like it, but I never thought you would be doing this.”

“Neither did I,” Normie snapped. “Whose fault is that?”

“God, you’re still such a bitch!”

Normie gave a suspicious smile. It was then that he pinched the inside of Benjamin’s thigh, which caused Benjamin to burst out into laughter, but the laughter only made the pressure on his bladder harder to ignore. He calmed himself, as he looked down at Normie with sad eyes filled with longing, and he _wished_ that they could share more moments like these, especially when he thought about how his nights with such intimate touches would be taken by _that woman_ , and he felt so – so – so _jealous_ of her! Normie pinched him again suddenly, so that Benjamin was jostled out of his thoughts. Luckily, the hands continued their massage.

“You still have yet to answer my question,” said Normie.

“ _Yes_ , I want you in our son’s life!” Benjamin sighed loudly. “I just -! I was scared you wouldn’t _want_ to be, because I didn’t want to ruin _your_ life, and I didn’t want you to think that I did this on purpose . . . I honestly don’t want anything more from you than just _you_. I don’t want your money or property or – or anything! I _swear_ if you even _offer_ child support, I’ll just give every cent of it to charity! My son needs _you_ and your _time_. _We_ need you.”

“You both have me. I have _commitments_ now, Benjamin, so you must know that you cannot have me _all_ the time. In terms of our son – in terms of _Richard_ – we can arrange joint custody between us, but in terms of _us_. . . I would like for us to remain in touch and spend time with each other each week. It is important. If we are to co-parent, we need to be on good terms.”

“Is it weird that joint custody freaks me out?” Benjamin said with a laugh. “I always thought I’d have a _family_ , where I’d raise my children with my partner . . . what if our son resents spending his time with me? You can offer him _so_ much more than I can, Normie!”

“I shall teach my son respect. You offer him love, he will respect that.”

“Yeah? We both know love isn’t always enough.”

Normie’s hand stilled for a moment, until he pulled them away and walked across the room, when he returned he wiped the excess lotion from his stomach, before he used the tissues to wipe down his hands in turn. He pulled Benjamin’s top back down, before he sat next to him and reached out to take his hand, which – despite Benjamin _trying_ not to let himself be affected – left his heart racing and his mouth run dry, so that he worried his hand felt sweaty or warm to the touch. Normie drew in a deep breath and seemingly spoke with sincerity.

“It was enough for me,” said Normie.

“No, it was enough for _me_ ,” snapped Benjamin. “You’re the one that wanted to wait for my parents to accept us, but look what happened there! My dad’s dead, my pops is missing -! It’s like I have _nothing_ to show for our relationship, except . . . except our son. I – I can’t lose him. I know you can teach him that there’s no shame in being poorer, that love is something to be treasured, but that doesn’t mean he’ll _feel_ that way. What if he doesn’t love me?”

“He’ll love you. It’s normal for all first-time parents to feel worried about their children, but I can promise you that you have nothing to worry about. I know he will love you . . . I did . . . I never stopped loving you, Benji. I _wish_ you would have told me this sooner.”

“So you could actually be with me? I didn’t want you to be with me out of _obligation_!”

“Damn it, Benji! Why did you let me find like this? It’s my mother’s _funeral_.”

“I – I’m _sorry_. I’d take it back if I could!”

Normie squeezed his hand, before he let go and moved to a closet nearby. It seemed that he was unable to stay still, which was understandable when he was so lost in grief and still processing such major news, and he began to pull out some smart-casual clothing to toss onto the bed next to Benjamin. There was a black polo-neck sweater, along with a black pair of trousers, and he blushed when he saw a pair of underwear thrown on top, especially when they were the really flattering kind that Benjamin liked to see Normie in, except black.

They remained in silence for a short while. Normie stripped naked, which _really_ didn’t help with Benjamin’s hormones and feelings, but – at least – it showed that Normie trusted him still on some level, because he generally disliked showing his scars and tattoos to people. It – it was also against Brenda’s explicit wishes, which felt a little disrespectful to her, but it felt nice in a way that Normie was not going to let anyone get in the way of their relationship, but that in itself -! They weren’t a _couple_ any longer! They – they needed _boundaries_ and _limits_ , and this violated both! It was something they would need to discuss, but – as Normie dressed – he seemed more preoccupied with their son than where they stood. Normie asked:

“What are we going to do?”

“You can be as involved or uninvolved as you want,” said Benjamin. “I – I think we need to know where _we_ stand first, but I guess joint custody is a start? W-we can work out the details later on, because we both work, plus Tony’s given me maternity, although he’s called it a ‘sabbatical’ on the paperwork . . . so I can’t really imagine letting Richard out of my sight for that time, but you could visit or stay with us for a while? I don’t know.”

“I think I need time to process this, Benji,” said Normie. “You can understand why this would be _very_ difficult for me, yes? I wouldn’t begrudge you time, so I ask that you do not begrudge me that same thing in turn. We can discuss it more when I know more.”

“T-that’s fair enough . . . you look good, by the way.”

Normie pulled at his sweatshirt and raised an eyebrow, before he turned and looked sternly at the younger man with folded arms. The truth was that he really _did_ look handsome and attractive, even if there was no way in hell that Benjamin could act upon it, and being in such an intimate place – finally with no secrets – _really_ confused his feelings, so that he was _glad_ for the time apart that they would take. He needed time to process things too, especially his feelings, and he swallowed hard when Normie gave a heavy exhale of breath. Benjamin gave a nervous smile and curled in on himself, as he blushed greatly in embarrassment.

“I’ll postpone my engagement with Brenda,” said Normie.

“Y-you w-will?” Benjamin perked up. “Does – does that mean -?”

“ _No_. I told you I take my commitments _very_ seriously. I am not ending an engagement in a matter of seconds, not least when Brenda has not made it clear how she feels or whether this is a deal-breaker. I do not know whether our relationship will survive, but I owe it to her to give it a chance, and – even if I cannot be _with_ you – I can be there _for_ our son. I need you to know that this has been a complete violation of trust . . . how can I trust you after this?”

“Likewise! I thought I could turn to you for _anything_! You – you turned me away again and again and again, all when I needed you most! You didn’t even _let_ me explain myself! You’re – you’re with _her_ , because – because – because _what_ -! You – you hadn’t enough faith in us to – to – to _wait_? Two months! I bet my side of the bed was still warm!”

“I can’t have this conversation now, Benjamin,” said Normie quietly. “I need time to think, but so do you. I shall ring you tonight to arrange a meeting tomorrow, where we can talk in detail and work things out properly. Does that sound acceptable to you?”

“I – I guess that sounds fair,” muttered Benjamin. “You promise to call?”

“I think a phone call is the _least_ I could do for my son.”

“Yeah, that much is true.”

Benjamin gave a sigh and wiped at his eyes. The tears were mostly gone, but instead he felt tired and confused, unable to process what he felt or to think about what any of this could mean for them both. He tried to stand, but struggled with the baby throwing off his balance. Normie looked to him with a somewhat warm smile, although tinged with a hint of sadness, and gave him a hand to help him stand, which Benjamin gladly accepted. The helping hand soon turned into a long embrace, where neither dared to let go. Benjamin felt a tear fall.

“I guess this is where we say ‘see you later’,” said Normie.

He couldn’t help except to laugh, as he pulled away from their hold and wiped at his eye again, before he gave a deep nod of acknowledgement. Normie kept two hands upon Benjamin’s upper arms, as he rubbed them soothingly through the sleeves of his coat, and the look that they shared felt far too intimate and far too comforting, so that Benjamin swallowed hard when Normie leaned forward a few inches. They – they felt far too close, so that this would have led to a kiss were they still a couple, but they _weren’t_ a couple and Normie was _not_ the kind of guy to cheat. That much was made clear by how he pulled away with a saddened expression, before he looked away to one side.

“Just one thing?” Benjamin asked.

“Very well,” said Normie. “I am sure you will tell me regardless.”

“Damn straight,” replied Benjamin. “I _hate_ that you’re with her. I’m jealous and I’m petty and I’m _so_ telling her that I saw you naked just now. If she gives me any shit, I may even reveal that you were _totally_ doing it to show off and I _swear_ you were half h-h-er . . . _that_.”

“Half-hard? I forgot how much I missed your innocence.”

“S-shut up! I’m – I’m not _that_ innocent!”

“Oh, I _know_ that much.”

Normie gave a wink. Benjamin blushed hard and hit him on the arm, although his heart wasn’t in it and he didn’t want to hurt Normie at such a time, and – sensing that – Normie gave a half-felt smile and reached out to push back a lock of hair from Benjamin’s face. It made Benjamin certain of one thing: they _couldn’t_ just be friends. If Normie chose to stay with Brenda, it meant things would be incredibly awkward, not to mention that they couldn’t be alone together, because to be alone meant to _feel_ things that were inappropriate. He was _engaged_ to her, whereas Benjamin -? He sighed and stepped back towards the door.

“Promise you’ll ring?” Benjamin asked.

“I promise,” said Normie.

It was said sincerely enough that Benjamin smiled despite himself, even as he stumbled blindly behind to search for the door handle, before he was forced to turn and open it with an embarrassed laugh. He opened the door, but stood nervously in the doorway, where he cast his eyes between the corridor to the left and the bedroom to the right, where he listened to the sounds of the wake and the sounds of Normie’s breathing. He – he felt lost between two worlds, unable to decide which path to take. Normie made the decision for him:

“Now . . . may I mourn in peace, Benjamin?”

“Er, yeah, sure. See you later?”

“See you later.”


	11. Chapter Eleven

# Chapter Eleven

“I can’t believe he’s ours.”

Benjamin smiled down at his son.

He felt tired – _bone_ tired – so that every muscle in his body ached inconceivably, until sleep became an almost welcome escape from the discomfort, but the idea of closing his eyes for even a _second_ when his son looked so beautiful -! He didn’t want to look away. He _couldn’t_ look away! It was their first time meeting, which amazed him more than anything he could imagine . . . he _carried_ this life inside him for nine months, but now he was _lying_ with his baby and able to _touch_ him. It was such a miraculous event, so special, so _perfect_ . . .

The love he felt was so overwhelming! He felt – he felt _warm_ . . . it felt so _strange_ to feel so _happy_ , especially when he was so exhausted and sore, and how was it possible to _forget_ the pain? No, that wasn’t quite right. He _remembered_ the pain, but he just didn’t _care_ about any of the pain, because this – _this_ – was his son! He – he couldn’t stop crying, because everything just felt so _perfect_ , as if a warm veil had been draped over him . . . he felt light-headed and sleepy and _content_. It was impossible to describe. He simply wanted to luxuriate in the feeling and for it to never fade away, because finally he found something he could love unconditionally and beyond all else, and his son looked so angelic and precious to him.

Richard Peter Parker.

He looked so _tiny_! Benjamin expected his son to be much larger, until Bruce laughed and explained most newborns look _nothing_ like how television showed. He had tufts of brown hair that looked just like Benjamin’s hair, whilst his eyes were a startling shade of blue, just like Normie’s down to even the smallest fleck . . . there was also the healing factor. It wasn’t all his son inherited, because he would also be able to bear young and had a natural webbing, but Benjamin was prepared to teach him how to defend himself and how to hide his mutations, and – hopefully – he would get by in the world without much struggle.

“May I hold him?” Normie asked.

Benjamin wanted to look up, but he _couldn’t_ take his eyes away from their son. He loved how soft Richard’s skin felt, without a single blemish and the same shade as Normie’s, and he loved how his boy yawned and puckered his lips. Everything he did was so adorable! He was slightly red in his cheeks, with eyes now closed, and he had such _tiny_ fingers that struggled to grasp at Benjamin’s, even as he stroked his cheek or tried to hold his hand. He was dressed in a red-and-black outfit made by Benjamin, which made him look like Wade.

“I came the _second_ you revealed the news,” said Normie.

“Thanks you,” whispered Benjamin. “I’m – I’m glad you were there . . . I _really_ wish you didn’t fucking look during the whole _birth_ , though. That’s got to be the biggest turn-off ever, right? That’s all you’ll ever see from now on! Isn’t there supposed to be mystery?”

“Benjamin, I believe I have earned the right to hold my son, don’t you?”

“Like fuck is watching _that_ the same as _doing_ that,” he said tiredly.

“You have to share him at some point.”

Benjamin rolled his eyes and gave a pout. The truth was that he didn’t _want_ to share, because his son was borne of such hard labour and such unconditional love! It – it wasn’t a difficult labour by any means, but then again . . . he doubted _any_ labour was an ‘easy’ labour. Bruce said that it usually took weeks to recover properly, although his healing factor might shorten that time considerably, and – even knowing that – the idea of being apart from his son for even a second -? Did every parent feel this way? He never wanted to let go!

“I just don’t want to let him go,” he muttered.

“You aren’t letting him go,” said Normie quietly. “You’re simply sharing him with the only person in the world that will love him as much as you do. If I were to lie upon the bed next to you, would they provide some relief? It would allow you to still hold him, Benjamin.”

“O-okay, I guess I can do that. Promise you won’t take him anywhere?”

“I won’t let him out of your sight, I swear.”

It was then Benjamin finally looked up. He could see that Normie meant every word that he said, which was something of a relief to him, but he could also see how tired he looked . . . it was a long labour, the birthing part itself felt even longer, and Normie was there throughout the entire thing. If – if anyone deserved to hold Richard, it was Normie. Still, the very idea of parting with his son – even for a few seconds – made his stomach roll and his heart sink. Normie leaned over the bed with his arm upon the headrest.

The bed was pretty comfortable, and Bruce said that this was the exact same bed that Benjamin was born in, which made him feel a little closer to his father. The only downside was that he disliked how sterile and white the room looked, too much like a hospital ward than Bruce’s private area in Stark Tower, and he _really_ wanted to go home to lie next to his son in their nursery, which was so bright and cheerful and comforting. Normie took the moment of distraction to lift Richard into his arms. Benjamin let out an exclamation of horror and fear, as he tried to get up and grab his son back, but he was so tired and he couldn’t get up in time and -! Normie lay down next to him as promised.

He collapsed back into a lying position and sighed with relief, before he realised that he was crying silently and felt so _stupid_ for being so emotional! This wasn’t normal, was it? Did every new parent feel such a desperate attachment and a fear of separation? Richard seemed to _like_ being held by Normie too, which sent a strange stab of jealousy coursing through Benjamin, and – as Normie lay on his back – he rested his son upon his chest, so that the baby lay peacefully upon him and listened to his father’s heart. It was a scene that made Benjamin cry all the more, as he reached out to stroke Richard’s cheek.

“I can’t believe how beautiful he is,” whispered Benjamin.

“He has the most beautiful father in the world,” said Normie. “It is no surprise to me. Still, you must learn to be parted with him for some time. I believe some separation anxiety is normal, but we aren’t _living_ together . . . eventually you will need to trust me with him.”

“A-alone? N-not yet! I – I can’t let him out of my sight, Normie, I can’t! I _swear_ I’ll stop using the labour as a trump card, but just let me have these few weeks with him! You – you said that you were happy to stay with us for a while! You said that was fine! H-he needs me, plus I feel so _complete_ whenever I hold him, and – and – and I j-just can’t let him –!”

“Hush, Benji. I’m not going to take him away from you. I promised I would stay with you both for the first few weeks and I _meant_ it, but _eventually_ he will need to spend some nights with me in your absence, just as I shall trust you to look after him in my absence. I believe that is how joint custody works, yes? I shall always be there for you when you need me, I swear upon all I believe in, but I simply ask that you _trust_ me in turn.”

“I trust you,” said Benjamin with a sigh. “It – it’s been good having you back in my life, honestly! It’s just that Richard’s my priority now . . . he’s my reason for living. I can _protect_ him when he’s with me, but when he’s out of my sight -?”

“Then _I’ll_ protect him. We’re a team, Benji.”

“Thank you . . . for everything.”

He drew in a deep sigh and gave a smile. It was hard not to feel confused and conflicted, as their tenuous friendship seemed built primarily upon the love they felt for their son, but there was also a love there for each other. Benjamin couldn’t deny it. It made everything between them so awkward; their conversations were tinged with undercurrents of sexual tension, whilst there were many arguments during their first few meetings, and slowly – but surely – they seemed to be laying the foundations for something more . . .

They lay together quietly for a long while, as the snow piled up against the windows and gave the room a rather nice glow, and Richard seemed bathed in a white light from outside, so that he seemed every bit as angelic as Benjamin saw him. He looked briefly up to see Normie’s face, where he saw a bright smile that he rarely saw upon his ex-lover, and he found himself smiling in turn at the sight of it. It was so easy to picture many more mornings like this, where they would lie in bed together and talk about their son’s future, maybe plan for more additions to their family . . . he coughed nervously. Benjamin adjusted the hospital gown he wore and tried to change the conversation, as he ignored how his heart sped.

“How’s – er – Brenda?”

“Oh, this is new. Do you mean you care?”

“Of course, I care,” snapped Benjamin. “Well, sort of? Okay, not at all.”

“I thought as much,” replied Normie with a smile. “We have remained good acquaintances since our break-up, but I think she believes our break-up was primarily so _we_ could reunite. I am having a difficult time convincing her that we are both quite single.”

“Yeah? How long is _that_ going to last? She has a point . . .”

“She has _no_ point until _you_ can accept my terms.”

Benjamin huffed and glared at Normie. It was difficult to look intimidating when he was still covered with sweat, with leftover pregnancy weight and black bags under his eyes, and he felt too exhausted to put much energy behind it. Normie either ignored him or didn’t notice the gesture, as he continued to stroke their son’s brown hair and whispered that there was still a chance he would gain Benjamin’s eyes, even though Benjamin was born with brown eyes and knew that – if those were destined for their son – he would have been born with them, too. The silence carried on and he felt almost guilty for disturbing it.

“Your terms are stupid!” Benjamin snapped.

“My terms are not just to protect _us_ ,” said Normie. “They are to protect our _son_. Brenda and I have parted ways for a mere two weeks, whereas _we_ have not dated for the duration of these nine months. It would be unacceptable to carry on from where we left off. We are _not_ the people we once were, as such we must learn to _trust_ one another again and to get to _know_ one another for who we truly are, anything less could result in great heartbreak again.”

“So we just go slow? You want to go slow when we _just_ had a baby today? It would make more sense to continue where we left off! We _know_ one another, already! You sat and told me all of your secrets, I confided to you things about my past that even my _Pops_ doesn’t know, and we – we _loved_ one another! I never stopped loving you, did you stop loving me?”

“We need _more_ than love, Benjamin. I shall also add that we didn’t go on a _break_ to make a continuance possible, because _you_ decided to break- _up_. Do we carry on without addressing our issues with one another? Do we carry that resentment instead of dealing with it?”

“Okay, so if we _talk_ about our problems, can we _finally_ date again?”

“Benjamin, it isn’t that simple.”

Normie gave a long exhale of breath, which disturbed their son just enough to cause him to fidget and moan a little, and – with an instinctive reaction – Benjamin at once began to hush him and coo to him, as he stroked circles on the younger boy’s back. It didn’t take long for Richard to quieten down, which made Normie smile and lightly stroke a finger across his hair, as he minded the soft spot and watched him sleep. Benjamin wondered what his son dreamed about or whether he dreamed at all. He looked so peaceful.

There was a cold draught from somewhere in the room, enough that Benjamin groaned and gave a small shiver, and – as Normie noticed – the older man kicked up the blanket to drape over them both, which caused their son to let out a large yawn, almost as if he were slightly disturbed by the gesture. Benjamin gave a brilliant smile. He felt himself tear up, as he nearly forgot the fact that Normie was refusing to enter a relationship, even as it was _so close_ within their reach! It was then that Normie turned his head to look at Benjamin, where he gave an expression that spoke of longing and sorrow. He spoke gently and patiently:

“Do you know why Brenda and I broke apart?”

“Probably because she’s so frigid your parts got frostbite?”

“Now who’s the childish one?” Normie glared at him. “Brenda was a good woman, but your perceptions of her are understandably unreliable. We broke apart after two weeks of trying to make things work and discussing our issues in great detail, you do know this, correct?”

“I know she told me that she didn’t appreciate my flirting with you,” he muttered. “I didn’t even realise I _was_ flirting! Fuck, she was in the room with us _every_ time we met up, and _I_ was the one that suggested that, just _so_ nothing would happen between us and she wouldn’t have cause to be jealous! It seemed like she was the jealous one to me.”

“That is because she _was_ jealous and you _were_ flirting. That was the cause of the break-up, Benjamin, not any issues with her becoming a stepmother or any preferences I may have had, but simply because she saw that I still had deep feelings for you. I also cannot deny that my feelings for you are stronger than those for her, and Brenda did not wish to be second best and I did not think it fair to stay with her primarily out of duty. Still, we parted as good friends and she has expressed worry about us becoming an item. I share some of her views.”

“You just _said_ she was jealous,” snapped Benjamin. “You even _said_ that she thought you guys broke-up mainly so you could get back with me! How can you share her opinion that we _not_ hook-up? I’m not saying we need to move in and get married like _now_ , although I bet Pops would argue otherwise, because – you know – you _have_ gotten me with child, but it would be nice to have _some_ kind of relationship that could _lead_ to something!”

“Benjamin, you _just_ had a child. Hormones are very powerful things, so much so that I can guarantee you aren’t thinking clearly. It would be irresponsible for me to suggest us becoming a couple _immediately_ upon my break-up with Brenda.”

“Okay, so tell me _why_ we can’t just get together?”

“Will you let me talk?”

Benjamin bit his lip hard, although he stopped before he tasted blood. Frankly, any reply – that wasn’t a promise of a romantic relationship – felt inadequate and somewhat frustrating, especially when the only thing holding them back before was the secret of the pregnancy and the engagement to Brenda. He sighed and pulled the blankets up to his neck, where he held them just beneath his chin and tried not to pout, even as he felt Normie smile at him in that _infuriating_ way that said he just _knew_ what Benjamin was thinking and feeling.

“Fine,” muttered Benjamin.

There was a brief smirk upon Normie’s lips, as a glimmer of his usual self slipped through, and it was actually rather _nice_ to see that he found his playful side again, even if it irritated Benjamin that Normie could always look so – so – so _smug_! It was also clear that he didn’t _quite_ believe Benjamin, as if Benjamin were so childish that he would continue to interrupt or speak out of turn or insult Brenda . . . he drew in a deep breath and glared at Normie.

“I’ll be good,” said Benjamin. “Tell me why we can’t just date?”

“We need to take things _slowly_ ,” replied Normie. “You distrusted me enough to _hide_ Richard’s existence from me, whilst I distrust you _for_ doing that, and – if we don’t address those issues – our distrust in general may only grow because of that. The worst-case scenario is that we _resent_ one another. There is also the fact that the eight months we spent apart are a _very_ long time, so that we’ve both experienced many things in that time . . . parental death, engagements to others, changes in employment . . . we have changed greatly.

“I can tell that some of my habits now irk you more than they once did, whilst I find it frustrating that your new schedule often makes you unavailable, and these are things that we must discuss and work through in a healthy manner. It may involve compromise, but it also may be that some of these personal changes are fundamental and cannot be worked through, but we _owe_ it to ourselves to try, but we _owe_ it to Richard to take it at a healthy pace. It would be very dangerous to do otherwise.  If we rush into things then we risk becoming too emotionally invested, which may lead to heartbreak . . . both ours and Richard’s.”

“Richard’s?” Benjamin looked to his son sadly. “It would only hurt him once he’s old enough to understand what’s going on, but I think we’d have it all figured out by then, right? If we make it four years, I think we’d make it in the long run. We don’t have anything to worry about there . . . he’s a day fucking old! He doesn’t even know what I’m saying.”

“No, but if we rush into a relationship, how will we feel? It’s possible that we would feel obliged to remain a couple for our son’s sake, or feel that we have failed to give it a chance and refuse to acknowledge defeat. It could be years before we realise the mistake we made.”

“You’re making a mistake right now! You’re admitting defeat when we -!”

“No, I’m admitting that we must pace ourselves.”

Normie gave him an almost pleading look, which silenced Benjamin immediately. He instead watched as Normie traced patterns on their son’s back, which seemed to soothe Richard and comfort him considerably, and it was actually heart-warming to see. It made him realise that – whatever happened between them – he would be happy regardless, because his son was all that he needed in life. This was what he needed all along. He smiled and nuzzled against his pillow, as he struggled to stay awake . . . outside he heard May and others talking.

They lay in silence for a long while, as Benjamin listened to May argue with Bruce, but she would be allowed in eventually . . . he needed to _rest_ and some time spent alone with his son, and it felt _right_ that Normie should be the exception, because he was Richard’s father, too. It was then that he felt Normie reach out to stroke his hair, as best as he could on his back and with a child upon a chest, and yet it was something of a small comfort. He felt so relaxed . . . so tired . . . he wanted to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes -! It _hurt_ to look away from his son from even a moment, whilst every moment he looked made him so happy . . .

“I am asking you on a _date_ ,” said Normie.

The words jolted him out of his reverie. He felt his heart race rapidly in an anxious anticipation, because he _wanted_ to be closer to Normie romantically, but he couldn’t quite believe the words that he heard! It was hard to make his eyes focus, as everything felt blurred with exhaustion and his vision doubled slightly, and yet he could see the sincerity on the other man’s face, which made him smile sleepily and contentedly. It felt strange to be offered a ‘date’ when they _just_ had a child together, but it was still a huge step forward! He closed his eyes again and let the sounds and scents wash over him, as he reached out and let a limp hand drape over his son’s lower back, to remind himself that Richard was _there_.

He felt Normie lower his hand slightly, so that a few of his fingers rested over Benjamin’s hand, and it caused him to moan lightly against his pillow, as he felt so comforted and so relived to no longer be alone. He knew he would never be alone again, not with his son in his life, but now he wouldn’t be alone in _raising_ Richard either, and – in all honesty – he wished that he told Normie so much sooner. Their son gave a little groan, followed by a wide yawn, and it jostled Benjamin’s mind awake enough to ask Normie for clarification.

“Seriously? A date?” Benjamin asked.

“Oh, did I stutter? Here I thought _you_ were the nervous talker,” Normie teased. “I shall repeat: I am asking you on a date. We were engaged in a secret relationship before, but this will finally enable us to get to know each other properly. The environment in which our relationship thrived was artificial, whereas now the dynamics will change and we will be able to publicly be seen together, and this in itself may change how we feel.”

“You _really_ sound like you’re expecting us to fail,” muttered Benjamin. “Okay, _fine_ , we’ll start from the very beginning. In that case you _owe_ me a romantic date, but it better be something to put all of yours and Brenda’s to shame! Oh, and the press _so_ better not refer to me as Richard’s ‘mother’ . . . I think I broke Tony’s nose when he said that.”

“Yes, I must admit that was rather amusing. Still, I think he can forgive your break from pacifism when you were in the throes of labour pains. Oh, I also would like to add the stipulation that we _refrain_ from physical pleasures until a later date.”

“Oh, you’ve got to be joking! You’re not serious, are you?”

“I’m deadly serious,” said Normie.

Benjamin blushed and gave a dark pout. It – it wasn’t a conversation that he felt comfortable having, especially after giving birth and losing what felt like half his body mass, but it was a necessary one and they both needed to be on the same page. There was also the fact he _liked_ being physical with Normie, and their one night together completely – when Richard was conceived – felt better than all their other nights combined. They both got to experience each other completely, which left Benjamin wanting to experiment more and experience more, but now he was being told to _wait_ , which was infuriating.

“ _Why_ can’t we be physical?”

“It may confuse matters,” said Normie. “If we’re spending our time together basking in an afterglow, it may well lead us to believe that are feelings are deeper than they are, as such it is better to know each other _romantically_ , but not _sexually_. If – in a few months – we decide that we can sustain such a relationship, as well as confirming that we do in fact love one another, then we can become sexual again. This time we shall be more careful, yes?”

“Fuck, yes! I’m never being underneath again! Well, not unless we want more kids.”

“You do not have to be _underneath_ to be impregnated. I would like to watch as you ride me,” confessed Normie. “Of course, you _do_ need some time to recover, even with your healing factor, and we _have_ promised to take things slow. I can be patient, Benjamin.”

“I thought I said I wanted romance,” chastised Benjamin. “This isn’t romance, it’s dirty talk. You are _so_ not going to win me over that way, ass-hat. Anyway, I’m tired; I’ll probably get a load of visitors today, whilst Pops has sent _dozens_ of presents that I need to open, so you can shut up and let me sleep. You can romance me later, alright?”

Normie laughed slightly, but the movement of his chest caused Richard to whine and begin to cry, and – with a gentle movement – he slid off the bed and began to bounce his boy where he stood, which soft pats upon his back for comfort. It was enough to make Benjamin crawl forward slightly, as he tried to get to his son, but Normie only raised a few fingers to signal for him to stay put, before he slid into a seat next to the bed and continued to pat his son’s back in an attempt to quieten him. Benjamin sighed in relief to be close to his son again.

“That seems reasonable to me,” whispered Normie.

They shared a warm look, until Benjamin could stand it no longer. He let his eyes fall closed and drew in deep breaths, before his mind began to race with ideas and images, and the world around him seemed to fade away. It was nice on the verge of sleep . . . everything felt so peaceful, whilst there was such an overwhelming sense of love that came from being in the company of Normie and Richard. He smiled to himself, before he heard a low sigh of contentment issue forth from Normie. He blinked his eyes half-open and yawned.

“You look beautiful when you sleep,” said Normie. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, but not when you won’t let me sleep.”

“I apologise, please rest. I shall be silent.”

Benjamin gave a laugh and pulled the covers to his nose, as he breathed in deeply and found his sense of peace again. It was easy to let himself fall deeper and deeper into relaxation, easier still to ignore the external noises and focus only on the murmurings of his son, and he felt so thankful to have Normie in his life . . . so thankful to have someone to share the good and the bad with, especially when it enabled him to finally sleep. He smiled and let out one final sentence, before he let sleep finally overcome him:

“I love you, too.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

** Epilogue **

“Richard! Your dad’s here!”

Benjamin heard a cheer from inside. There was a suddenly clatter of plastic and wires, as well as a curse word when something apparently refused to work, and – as his son apparently put away his games console – Benjamin _prayed_ that Normie hadn’t heard that word. He promised his boyfriend to cut back on the cursing in front of their son, and he really wasn’t in the mood for an argument about ‘appropriate language’ in his condition. Benjamin kicked at the floor and let the porch swing rock him, as he rested a hand upon his swollen stomach.

It was nice to feel the sun upon his skin, whilst the light breeze cooled him enough just to make him comfortable, and he could hear Ellie across the road playing with her children, so that – for a moment – he felt a sense of nostalgia and sadness that his parents weren’t here to see their grandchildren. They wouldn’t know how May studied so intently at college, just as they wouldn’t know how Ellie was one of the most respected doctors in her profession, and then there was Richard . . . they wouldn’t get to see his smile as he made his dinosaurs fly, just as they wouldn’t hear him laugh at his cartoons, and they wouldn’t get to see the next addition to their family, either. Benjamin gave a sad sigh at the realisation.

“I mean it, Richard! Hurry up!”

‘ _Scruffy made a mess! I have to clean it up_!’

“No, _you_ made a mess!” Benjamin shouted back: “What did you do?”

There was an uncomfortably long silence. It was hard not to feel a little irritated, because lately any and all accidents were blamed on ‘Scruffy’ or ‘Spot’, which were very little more than imaginary friends – well, _pets_ – that belonged to his four-year-old son. The problems only started once they told him that he would be having a little sister soon . . . it was a nightmare; there were mud-pies sitting in the oven, worms dropped into any nearby drinks, and occasionally spills or broken plates. Time-outs were something of the norm lately.

“The plate fell off the table,” said Richard.

Benjamin looked up to see his son standing by the front door. He truly looked as beautiful as the day he was born, which caused Benjamin to smile warmly, and he felt _such_ an urge to get up and embrace him, but his stomach made him _very_ reluctant to move. There was some sort of green slime stuck in places to his son’s hair, whilst mud covered his clothes, and the paint on his rosy cheeks made it clear that he took at least a _little_ after Benjamin, even if the ‘exploring’ and fascination with ‘adventure’ made him seem more and more like Wade by the day. He was tall for his age, with a mischievous glint to his blue eyes.

The car upon the pavement waited patiently, as Normie spoke quietly to the driver from the backseat, and it wouldn’t be long before Normie came out to collect their son for the weekend, but Benjamin honestly had _no_ excuse to give for his son’s state. Richard always looked so _perfect_ and _clean_ whenever Normie dropped him off, where apparently he would spend his time reading or learning to play an instrument or just generally being the perfect child, but whenever he was in Benjamin’s care . . . he wondered what he did wrong.

“Did the plate fall or did you knock it off?”

“I don’t know,” Richard said. “I was playing with slime and got bored and went into the garden, only my mud fortress broke and I got hungry! You said there was sandwiches, but the floor was lava! I had to shoot webs! _Pew! Pew!_ I made it over the lava, but Spot was trapped by the evil Taskmaster, so I had to save him! Only the sandwiches were there and they fell and I wanted to play a video game, so I forgot to clean them, and then you yelled me!”

“Richard! I told you that you weren’t allowed outside, because Daddy is coming to collect you! You’re going to get his car all dirty and he’ll tell you off. You don’t want to be told off, do you? No. I’ll clean the sandwiches, but next time you _need_ to behave! Oh, and _don’t_ use your web-shooters! You know you’re forbidden from using them!”

“Grandpa Wade said it was fine! He comes and visits some nights! He brought me the biggest dinosaur in the world and taught me how to roar! He said web-shooters are cool, because they’re special like Spider-Man and Spider-Girl! I like Spider-Girl!”

“Spider-Girl fights bad guys. If you misbehave, you’re a bad guy.”

“Nu-uh! I’m a hero!” Richard chimed. “Daddy?”

Richard turned his head to look to the car. It was impossible to do anything except follow his gaze, and – true to form – Benjamin saw his boyfriend climb out of the car and adjust his suit, as he made sure that he looked perfect for his visit. The cornrows were substantially longer now a few years had passed, whilst his body was somewhat slimmer and less muscular, although still very much defined, and the black suit that he wore only made him seem every bit the professional that he was indeed. Benjamin smiled with a slight blush.

“Daddy!” Richard yelled.

It was impossible to stop the boy from running, even as Benjamin made to lurch forward and stopped as his belly got in the way. He dropped a hand to his stomach and rubbed firmly, whilst he panted for breath, and he could only watch as Richard ran to his father and jumped up with wide arms into a warm embrace. Richard clung to Normie’s neck, as his father swung him around in several wide circles, and the boy laughed so loudly and happily that Benjamin felt his eyes well up with emotion. _Fuck_ , the hormones always messed with his body! It was like everything made him so sensitive and emotional lately, but seeing his son and boyfriend so happy together and looking so well . . . it made him so happy.

Normie dropped Richard onto the ground, before he saw the mud upon his jacket and glared down darkly at his son. The puppy-dog eyes and trembling lip would have made Benjamin hug their son right away, but somehow Normie stayed strong and folded his arms, before he raised an eyebrow in a patient wait for an apology. Richard began to let out a few crocodile tears and whined, which was enough for Benjamin to shakily climb to his feet and slowly stroll over, as much as his pregnancy weight would allow. He _hated_ seeing Richard so sad!

“Son, I know you are pretending to cry,” said Normie.

“No! I’m sad, see!” Richard pouted. “I didn’t mean to make your suit dirty!”

“If you didn’t mean to do it, you apologise for it. I know that your father spoils you, but his treatment of you is not representative of the world at large. In life you must make amends for any wrong doing, as such I expect an apology from you, Richard.”

“He has no idea what you’re saying,” panted Benjamin. “He’s just four.”

“I do, too!” Richard snapped. “I’m a big boy now!”

It was hard not to raise an eyebrow in surprise. He looked down at his son, as he wrapped both hands around his stomach and tried to catch his breath, but even the short walk down the garden exhausted him and it wouldn’t be long before their daughter entered the world. It was then he noticed that Richard was wearing two odd shoes and only one sock, which was _not_ the outfit that he laid out for his son this morning or that Richard wore at breakfast, and he _really_ couldn’t wait for May to get home so that he could get some well-deserved rest. There was a moment of silence, until Richard sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve.

“I’m sorry for getting your clothes dirty, Daddy.”

“That is very good of you,” said Normie kindly. “I accept your apology. Now, I am very much certain that you should have your coat and your overnight bag, don’t you? Why don’t you run inside and collect them? Don’t forget your book either, Son.”

“Can I bring the one about the nice giant, too? I like that one!”

“Very well, but that one we will save for bedtime.”

Richard jumped up and down in excitement. He then ran as fast as he could into the house, and – as he dove through the open door – Benjamin shouted weakly that he shouldn’t run up the stairs, although he _knew_ that his son would ignore him. It seemed that ‘I can heal’ was the default response to any warning these days, but Benjamin _knew_ there were some wounds that one would never heal from, and he just didn’t want Richard taking any unnecessary risks. He watched with a hint of nervousness, but hoped Normie would instil a sense of responsibility into their son. Richard just seemed to _listen_ to his father.

It was then he realised that he was finally alone with Normie, and he looked with such longing to his partner that Normie appeared unable to resist. He felt the embrace before he saw it, so that those strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him close, and he enjoyed the way that Normie nuzzled against his neck and breathed in deeply his scent. It was so intimate and so loving, just a simple hold during a stressful morning, but it made Benjamin’s body relax at once, as every ounce of stress fled his body in one large rush.

They remained in each other’s embrace for a long moment, until they parted and Normie stroked his cheek affectionately, before he let his hand slide down Benjamin’s body and rest upon his stomach. He rubbed soothingly through the jumper. Normie seemed fascinated by the pregnancy bump, to the extent that – on the several nights where they stayed over at each other’s homes – Normie would do little else except massage the skin or whisper to the baby. It was likely because he _missed_ those moments during the pregnancy with Richard, so Benjamin wouldn’t begrudge him them now, but it wasn’t the time for such sentiments. Benjamin took Normie’s chin in his hand, as he forced Normie to look at him with a smile.

“Isn’t he too young for books?” Benjamin asked.

“Most certainly not! He is already halfway through his current book,” said Normie. “He is able to read the majority quite well, although he struggles on some words. I am very proud of him. I regret teaching him his alphabet by reading out signs, as it makes walking down any street something of a chore as of late. Do you not read to him each night? It is always Richard’s favourite part of the day, although I worry it is only to show off.”

“I – er – haven’t been reading to him at all. Is it normal to read to a kid?”

“Did your parents not read to you as a child each bedtime?”

“Yeah, but I thought that was just them.”

Normie gave a harsh exhale of breath. He reached up to take Benjamin’s hand in his, as he lowered it away and held it between them, and – as he gave a stern stare – Benjamin felt himself wilt just a little in both embarrassment and nervousness. It made him wonder whether he did something wrong during the time that their son spent with him, but it was then that Richard ran out of the house. The backpack was so over-packed that he fell midway as he overbalanced, but the plush-dinosaur cushioned his fall, and Normie was at once by his side to pick their son up and check him over. Richard merely swatted his hands away.

“See! I got my dinosaur,” said Richard. “ _Roar_!”

“Very good,” answered Normie. “Why don’t you play with him quietly in the car?”

“Okay! Grandpa Wade said he’s a longneck! I think they have a super, special smart name, too, but – but I like Grandpa’s name for him! I call him ‘Mr Green’, because he’s green! The dinosaur is green! Grandpa isn’t green! Grandpa has funny skin, though. It’s funny.”

“I see. You can tell me all about him on the ride home.”

“I will! Bye, Poppa!”

Benjamin tried to kneel down, but Normie shot up at once to stop him. It made him feel grateful, as he already began to pant in exertion, but he _wanted_ to say goodbye to his son properly. Luckily, Richard ran at him and hugged his legs tightly, before he let go and climbed into the back of the car, where he leaned out of the window and began to bounce his dinosaur up and down and make ‘whooshing’ noises. Benjamin smiled and stroked his messy hair and grimaced a little when green slime stuck to his palm. Richard laughed at him.

“Bye, Richard,” he whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Richard chirped.

He watched as Richard jumped back into the car, before he noticed that – this time – he was barefooted and his shoes were tied together by the laces . . . draped around his neck. It – it was impossible to understand what went through that boy’s mind! There was little wonder why his son adored and idolised Wade so much, even if Wade made sure to _very_ carefully hide himself from the rest of the family, and sometimes Benjamin just wished his dad would show up _properly_ so he could ask for some advice . . . he wanted to _understand_ Richard.

Normie pursed his lips as he watched their son. It was clear that he disapproved of how Richard looked and acted, but Benjamin felt so helpless about the situation! He never knew what to do at the best of times, but now he was very close to giving birth . . . it was impossible to chase after Richard or play with him or discipline him. A slight breeze picked up and Richard started to talk about ghosts and ‘Peter’, which made him wonder what the hell his dad had been teaching his son, but it was hard to be angry when Richard looked so happy and the breeze was so refreshing. He titled his head back to feel the sunlight and sighed.

“He is certainly full of energy,” said Normie.

“I know, but I just can’t get him to calm down!” Benjamin ran a hand over his face. “We’ve put a jungle gym out back, as well as a sandpit and a trampoline, but he _still_ seems to run riot and I just can’t seem to control him! May tries, but she’s only here in the evenings, so -!”

“He needs _both_ of us, Benji. I struggle to show him the affection that I think he craves from me, while you struggle to discipline him in a way that is beneficial to him, and I think he acts very differently for us for this very reason. He behaves for me in hopes of validation, whereas he ‘runs riot’ for you out of knowledge there are no consequences to his doing so. I think – were we to live together – we could keep a check on one another and _balance_ one another.”

“Oh, you want me to move in with you? I thought you wanted to take things slow,” teased Benjamin. “I suppose I could move in before April is born, especially as May will probably be happy to have the house to herself, but you _did_ say that we ought to take things slow, and moving in is such a _huge_ commitment. What if we don’t work out? I don’t know.”

“You’re being quite cruel. I think we both know that nearly five years is slow enough. We know that we work as a couple, just as we know that we plan to be together for a very long time, and you said yourself that you wish for a third child . . . June, was it?”

“Hey, theme names are cool! Anyway, you said slow so slow it is.”

“How long do you plan to keep this up?”

Benjamin bit his lip to keep from laughing. The look on Normie’s face was one of exasperation and infinite patience, because they _had_ been discussing living together since they decided to conceive a second child, and yet Benjamin still couldn’t help but find it amusing that Normie’s insistence they move ‘slow’ translated to this. The breeze was beginning to pick up, which blew Normie’s coat and cornrows in such a way that he looked more like a model than a businessman, and Benjamin reached out to take a hold of his coat lapels, as he tried to pull him closer as seductively as a pregnant person could.

“Moving in isn’t _quite_ the commitment I was hoping for,” said Benjamin.

“Ah, I see,” replied Normie. “I never realised that you were so traditional. I suppose it is admirable that you do not wish to live in sin, even if both our children will be born out of wedlock, but if a commitment is what it takes . . . I can offer you that.”

Normie leaned down for a brief kiss. It was chaste and gentle, but it stole Benjamin’s breath regardless, and – as he realised what Normie implied – he pushed his boyfriend back rather firmly and scratched at his neck nervously. He – he needed _space_ to process what was said, but most of all to still his racing heart and stop himself from blushing. It was hard to believe that Normie would propose _now_ of all times, so he had to just be teasing Benjamin in turn, but then what if he _was_ being serious? Benjamin swallowed hard. He tried to think about living with Normie as a _married_ couple, but it was impossible to even envision!

“Are – are you offering – are you -?”

“I think Richard would enjoy being page boy, don’t you?”

The sincere smile that Normie wore made his heart skip a beat. He tried to fight back a smile, only to find his lips twitching in amusement, and he reached down to run his hands over his stomach. The happiness he felt was almost overwhelming, so that he felt his eyes water and his mouth run dry, and – when he looked to Richard playing inside the car – he realised that he finally had everything he ever wanted. He had a _family_. He loved Normie so much, so unconditionally, and he looked away with a blush at the idea that this could finally all be official . . . he gave a nervous cough and shrugged in mock-indifference.

“I expected a more romantic proposal,” muttered Benjamin.

“I expected you to move in _before_ April was born,” Normie replied. “I suppose we must both be disappointed in that regard. In any case, I will let you pick the rings and I promise to announce it in a way to put my previous engagement to shame.”

“In that case, I couldn’t really say ‘no’ now, could I?”

“No, you most certainly could not.”

Benjamin gave a loud laugh, as he saw Normie’s teasing expression. It was the first time in a long time that he didn’t mind the almost smug look, because he _knew_ that this was the start of something amazing, and _he_ felt a little smug, too, because finally he had a real commitment and knew for a _fact_ that they would spend a lifetime together. Normie stood there silently, but it wasn’t enough for Benjamin. He felt his heart race with sheer excitement, so that he _knew_ the tears would fall soon enough, and – suddenly – he pulled Normie in for a _real_ kiss.

They remained locked together for longer than he thought possible. He felt Normie’s hands come up to rest on his upper chest, trapped between them both, whilst Benjamin let one hand rest on his boyfriend’s – no, _fiancé’s -_ hip and the other stroked the back of his head, and he tasted what must have been honey and cinnamon. There was a heat there, as well as a slight feeling of arousal, and he wanted nothing more than for Normie to spend the night, so that they could continue later, but he knew that his boyfriend planned to stay over the following week, and soon they would live together anyway. Still . . . he wanted _more_.

“Ew, kisses are gross!”

They broke away with a start, as Benjamin turned to see Richard pretending to retch in the backseat of the car, with his dinosaur shaking its head, as his son decided to make it pass judgement on their affection. Normie covered his mouth rather elegantly and turned away from the car with a blush, whilst Benjamin spat his tongue out at Richard in a rather childish manner. It was always difficult to _talk_ about those kinds of things, but _expressing_ love felt natural and normal . . . he didn’t want Richard to grow up thinking that displays of affection were things to be ashamed about. He stepped towards the car with a smile.

“I’ll give you twenty for every complaint,” said Benjamin with a laugh.

“No way, you wouldn’t dare!” Richard snapped. “Hey, what’re you -? No! _Poppa_!”

Benjamin grabbed his son’s head in both hands, before he placed kisses upon kisses all over his cheeks and head, even as Richard whined and swatted at him with his hands, although careful of the belly in the way that Normie drilled into him. Eventually he let go and then flicked his son hard on the forehead, so that the young boy began to fake his tears again in the way that just _broke_ Benjamin’s heart every time, and so – to cheer him up – he decided to lean against the door and look into the inside of the car. He asked the question:

“Hey, Richard, would you like to live with Daddy?”

“All the time?” Richard asked with a pale face. “No! I don’t want to leave you! You’re my poppa and you play games with me and you make me laugh! I don’t want you to go away! Is it because I was bad? I’ll be good and I won’t make the floor lava and -!”

“No!” Benjamin cried out. “No, you’re absolutely perfect, baby boy! I meant that we could live _together_! Your daddy and I want to get married, which means we can get to live together as a family, including your little sister. We can live in Daddy’s house with Grandpa Foggy, so you can always be with both of us. It would be one house with one family.”

“Oh! Like how Aunt Ellie and Uncle Jeff live together? I like visiting them, because Aunt Ellie is super nice and Preston is always there and makes cookies! If we all live together, will you make cookies, too? I don’t like Aunt May’s cookies. She burns them!” Richard pulled a face of disgust. “Daddy won’t let me eat cookies! He – he says they have sugar and fat and e-numbers, but ‘E’ is a letter and not a number! I think he’s silly!”

Benjamin laughed and reached inside to rustle his son’s hair. He watched as Richard pulled away and then crawled across the backseat on all fours, before he leaned against the far door and rested both legs upon the seat itself, and – on the floor – sat his bag and his shoes and apparently a candlestick. There was absolutely no explanation for the candlestick, but that only reminded Benjamin of his dad’s elaborate and seemingly nonsensical plans growing up, where they only ever seemed to make sense at the very end when it all came together. He sighed and tried to focus on the matter at hand, rather than his son’s schemes.

“He is silly,” said Benjamin, “but do you want us to live with him?”

“I guess,” replied Richard. “I’m not sharing my room! April can sleep under the stairs, like – like Harry Potter! The spare rooms can be for my dinosaur! Will we move today? Will Aunt May move with us? I like Aunt May! Aunt May buys pizza!”

“We’ll move in soon, I promise. Aunt May will stay here, but we can visit her every week. April _will_ sleep in a bedroom, but I promise you can get a room much bigger than hers and you won’t have to share. We’ll be happier than ever, I promise, and maybe you can show me what you’ve learned on the piano? I’d love to hear you play.”

“Yeah! I can play the best music now! I even learned some chopsticks!”

“He means the _song_ ,” said Normie.

“I figured.” Benjamin laughed.

They shared a look for a long moment, until Benjamin felt his cheeks blush and reached out to stroke Normie’s cheek, and he wanted – for just an instant – to kiss those lips again and to refuse to let his fiancé and son leave. Normie nuzzled into the touch and reached to hold Benjamin’s hand by the wrist, as he turned just slightly to place a chaste kiss to the inside of his palm, before he leaned across and placed another chaste kiss upon his lips. They stayed still only an inch from each other, both longing for another, until Benjamin drew away.

“So I guess this is it,” said Benjamin. “We’re a family now?”

“We always were. Now it’ll be just be official.”

“Official is good. I like official.”

He smiled, as Normie gave one last kiss and turned to open the door. The expression on his fiancé’s face – as he saw his son’s bare feet upon the leather – was very dark, enough that he was sure their son would get a stern talking to and some sort of punishment later, and he almost wished he could go with them to reassure Richard that it wasn’t his fault. It was then that Normie took his seat, but – before he could signal the driver to leave – Benjamin leaned in through the open window to give him one more kiss and whisper a confession:

“I love you, Normie,” he said.

“I love you, too, Benji.”


End file.
